To be finding DS annoying?

[Destinedtogo]

I know all children are annoying so I suppose I’m not unreasonable in that sense but I’m becoming increasingly frustrated by a pretend game DS is playing. He seems obsessed and lost in that game and I feel I can’t reach him as a result.

So today for example DS spent the morning at preschool. I know he had lots of outdoor play and also did some baking - great. Picked him up at midday and he just kept shouting ‘it’s a hose mummy. There’s a fire! It’s a hose!’

‘Did you enjoy baking your cake?’
‘there’s a fire!’
’did you play with your friends?’
’A hose mummy! A hose!’

His behaviour hasn’t been great over the last couple of days and if I try to speak to him about it he just keeps going on about fires and hoses.

Reading bedtime stories is a nightmare as all he wants are stories about Fireman Sam - apart from the fact they’re so boring whenever I turn the page he shouts FIRE.

I know he’s all a phase but AIBU to be finding this one exceptionally tedious?

Ha, this is so familiar especially the tube stations. The other day I heard my DS playing with his trains saying 'See it. Say it. Sorted.'

My DS wore a yellow firefighter helmet everywhere we went for about a year when he was three. He's 21 now and fairly normal!

No babies myself but apparently I used to ask why over everything and nothing else! It was the only word I knew apparently.

I have 3 DDs and an assortment of GC. Between them they have been:

• a dog - seriously one DD spent about a year being a dog - she liked food in a bowl on the floor and went around on all fours barking. On holiday by the sea, the other guests clubbed together to buy her a rubber bone!
• obsessed with dinosaurs - completely obsessed - but became quite knowledgeable on the subject.
• obsessed with The Little Mermaid - hard getting her to school with both legs in one leg of tights!
• obsessed with tractors - we live in the country and that was the only topic of conversation.

It can become tedious when one topic only takes over their lives - but it is just how they are. Smile!

Mine dressed as the wizard lizard from ‘superworm’ for about a month when he was 3-4 ish. Spent a lot of time muttering ‘spells’ and telling me I was his servant crow.

he’s now a remarkably normal 6 year old.

But it was a very very long and very very boring month.

edited - typo

It sounds like the interest is comforting to him and he defaults to it when he's tired. Try seeing it as a barometer for this and it might help. Also, what he's saying is probably not totally meaningless. It sounds a bit like he uses the exclamation "Fire!" to show excitement, or possibly if he had been baking, he might even have meant that the oven was hot, like fire. And when you asked him about his friends maybe he had been playing a hose game at playtime or with his friends. When reading the book you could say yes, there's the fire engine/fire/fireman Elvis etc.

Another thing which can be useful is the "yes, and" technique where you join them in their world rather than trying to drag them into our (let's face it, often quite dull) one. So if you need to get him to come somewhere, rather than asking him normally and getting frustrated when he seems to ignore you and get stuck on fire topics, try making a fire station bell sound and saying "emergency! Fireman DS must report for duty at surname station! Hurry! People are in danger!" Or when you want him to drink, talk about filling up his water tank in case he needs to put out any fires.

Also you said you wish he was into colouring instead, could you print out some fireman Sam colouring and see if he wants to do that with you? Maybe not after preschool if he's very tired then, but at a time he has more energy to engage with something new.

It was all fun and games until we were called into nursery for a discussion because DS repeatedly drew houses on fire and and then told his key worker that Daddy has set the house on fire (DH lit some candles the night before). We banned Fireman Sam and he then decided he was a dog. He is still a dog on occasion. Which is fine because when he decides that he's a dog DD takes great delight in taking him for a 'walk'. Keeps the 2 of them entertained for ages.

I work in early years, a favourite activity is to empty a can of shaving foam, drop some red/orange/yellow food colouring on the top, and then let them put the fire out with water in spray bottles. If you don't have a garden, I'd advise an empty bath tub. Mixed results depending on their fine motor skills, you will likely get squirted in the face. To save having to read Fireman Sam, save yourself and order a load of better books on fire engines. At least it will give you variety. Though he will probably have moved on to something else before they arrive.

It could be worse, my DD pretended to be a cat for about a year. She didn't answer questions in cat mode. I'm still triggered when people miaow.

I have to laugh.

Grandson was a dinosaur for the good part of a year.
Granddaughter was paw patrol for about the same amount of time!

Just play along. Have a bit of a pretend play fun.

We had sword fights with plastic swords and golf with same swords!

Various plastic animals and dolls in a doll house.

I was just coming on to say wait until he discovers Pokémon but I see I've been beaten to it 🥱

Yes this sums it up. Try not to deaden his creativity and enthusiasm with your disdain. I feel quite sorry for the little thing - all he wants is someone important to him, to join in with fighting fires.

Sorry - I know you must show him your devotion in many other ways, but that's kind of how it comes across.

Could you ask him to draw mummy a picture of a big red fire engine when it gets a bit too much? Might keep him quiet and occupied for a little while.

@AtomHeartMotherOfGod - but he doesn’t.

He doesn’t respond to attempts to engage with imaginary games, or anything like that. Ask him to draw a picture of a fire engine and he refuses, suggest we colour one together and nope.

I can say something like ‘wow, that slide you went down is so high! I bet it was exciting wasn’t it?’
’Theres a fire!’

It is hard to know how to respond to be honest, as it’s the only communication I’m really getting at the moment.

Reading this thread whilst simultaneously watching DS11 painstakingly decide which of his military outfits he is going to wear today and telling us all about the military operation he is going on this afternoon 🙄 He has been dressing up as a soldier (and sometimes a workman) since he was 3. Three cheers for autism and special interests 😂

At least at this age he can hold conversations about other things though!

Yes, it takes things to a whole different level doesn't it😆

My son did the same. I used to give him the hose and let him knock himself out running around the garden putting the fires out.

😆😆

wait until he gets into films not only will you be watching it over and over again but this will move on to your ds expecting you to find it highly entertaining every time and then when he becomes aware that you are no longer finding it interesting will watch you watching the film to make sure you are watching it (staring at your like some little weird mini stalker)

now I would love that time back 😆

parenting is boring at times

What happens when you ask him about the fire? Where is it, how big is it, is he going to put it out, etc?

Does he only or mostly only communicate with set phrases, always the same phrases with the exact same intonation and they don't seem to fit the situation?

If there are situations where he responds more appropriately, what are they, do you notice any patterns?

Nothing. Just - there’s a fire. This is what is hard although I get it’s normal / endearing too.

I don’t know that I’ve noticed patterns as such Bertie but I’m not sure I’ve properly understood - could you maybe give an example?

OK what I mean is for example, can you ask him "Do you want a drink?" and he replies "Yes" or "no thank you" or "juice" or "in my pink cup" (etc)

When you say "Look, there's a digger" does he say "Digger!" or "Wow!" (or whatever non-fire-engine thing you might point out).

When you're helping him with things like getting dressed, can you give him instructions like "Arm please" and he will follow them?

Does he make requests from you, like "Again" or "All done" or "That one"?

Does he comment when playing games like if you/he made a tower and it fell down does he say things like "Uh-oh..." "Oh no!" or if you were hiding items "Where is it? There it is!" Does he pretend to count (even if the order of numbers is wrong) or mimic people (e.g. pick up a pretend phone and say "Hello, hello, bye", or pick up a toy frying pan and say things like "Little bit of that..... that's nice..... oooh, lovely")

The above examples are also quite basic for a 3-4 year old, but just as examples of situations where you might expect "typical" speech communication. Because you said that you cannot have a conversation with him, which is not at all typical at preschool age. For reference, all of the examples I listed above are things that my 2.5yo would say, in a situation where he would say them.

In terms of patterns, you mentioned in the OP that when you picked him up from preschool, he is spouting these phrases and when you read him a bedtime story, he only wants Fireman Sam. But I'm thinking about other times of day e.g. mornings before preschool, afternoons after he's been home for a while, weekend days (different times of day). When is he "going into" this pretend game vs when is he using phrases like I asked about above? Or does he ONLY use the Fireman Sam phrases?

You haven't said his age I don't think - I am guessing if he is at preschool, he's 3 or 4?

We've had the fire stage, the dinosaur stage, the gorilla stage, the invisible friend stage which went on for faaarrrr too long.

He's now 10 and had the puberty talk in school - he's now discovered mood swings. After a week of rukus I've discovered he's "practicing for when he catches puberty". Mood swings are now banned.

He is 3 years and two months yes Thanks for those examples.

So -

For example, can you ask him "Do you want a drink?" and he replies "Yes" or "no thank you" or "juice" or "in my pink cup" (etc)

Yes - sort of. I am frequently blanked which I do find trying. So ‘DS, would you like a drink?’ sometimes I might get yes. Other times I get ignored completely. Other times I get ‘there’s a fire!’

When you say "Look, there's a digger" does he say "Digger!" or "Wow!" (or whatever non-fire-engine thing you might point out).

Yes, he does do this.

When you're helping him with things like getting dressed, can you give him instructions like "Arm please" and he will follow them?

Yes, he does this too

Does he make requests from you, like "Again" or "All done" or "That one"?

Yes

Does he comment when playing games like if you/he made a tower and it fell down does he say things like "Uh-oh..." "Oh no!" or if you were hiding items "Where is it? There it is!" Does he pretend to count (even if the order of numbers is wrong) or mimic people (e.g. pick up a pretend phone and say "Hello, hello, bye", or pick up a toy frying pan and say things like "Little bit of that..... that's nice..... oooh, lovely")

Sort of. He has been saying uh oh and oh no for ages - well over a year. He likes hiding and saying ‘where has DS gone?’

Sometimes if you try to engage him in doing something he just refuses though. This does trouble me a bit because I worry he’s not going to be well prepared for school if he hasn’t had practice sitting and completing things, even basic things like jigsaws and colouring.

Oh no, don't worry about that. That is completely normal at 3 and he'll be almost 5 by the time he starts school. 18 months away - half his life!

Think about all the development he has done in the last 18 months, he's got plenty of time to develop before he goes to school.

We had Thomas for ages. The island of Sodor has the most dangerous and badly-run railway station in the entire world. Almost makes the UK rail system look good - you might not get to work on time but at least you won't be crushed by a tree.

If you want your DC's attention, ignore him. Play it cool. Start doing something yourself - like painting or colouring in a fire engine or building something. Don't attempt to get him involved. Kids are nosy, interfering buggers and he'll be across to see what you're doing much faster than if you suggest that you do it together.

In our house, if I want my 6yo to stop watching TV, I get a cardboard box down from the loft and tell him "go away, this is my box, I'm decorating it." Cue moaning that he "wants a box too" 😂.