Seems like DH resents that I'm on maternity leave

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I recently started maternity leave and DH has done nothing but moan since about how much he hates his job, how much he wants to leave and stay at home, how tired he is etc.

I'm getting the feeling that he resents that I'm currently not at work. He thinks I do nothing all day, but the reality is I care for our 4 year old, obviously do the load of childcare, solely responsible for the housework and also preparing things for the new baby.

Recently I haven't been feeling great, I struggle badly with back pain & SPD which means I get tired easily and this week I've also had a stomach bug so admittedly I have been resting as much as possible which he knows as I haven't been feeling up to much.

Tonight he has come home from work in a mood, again complaining about his job, that he wants to get in bed straight away and he's done nothing at all to help with DC.

AIBU to be a bit pissed off? Just because I'm not at work doesn't mean he doesn't have to do anything at all, but I think he thinks this is the case!

That must be really annoying for you at a time when you need support more not less!

I do think it must be tough for men too who hate their job, to wish maybe they could be the ones doing maternity and be able to focus on something else other than work for a while.

Having said that moaning and going to bed isnt on!

Maybe have a chat with him about how he’s feeling and about his job and maybe see if there’s a plan you can come up with to get him to look at another job/ change of direction.

but absolutely point out you being ‘off’ doesnt mean he gets to do nothing! You shouldnt have to do that of course. Assume its just a blip and he will come to his senses!

Would you consider him taking full paternity leave, maybe in 6 months time? He can have "time off work" and just sit around being at home with the kids everyday and doing a bit of housework.

Love the idea of suggesting paternity leave for him. One guy at work did it and was frazzled.
Seriously though this competitiveness can be a massive problem I would have a conversation about it.

God how childish and pathetic. They always have to be the centre of attention. He's also laying down a marker for how little he's intending to do once baby is born. Nip it in the bud in no uncertain terms.

Isn't your 4yo desperate to see him? Going straight to bed is so sad.

Him stomping off to bed and leaving you to do everything isn’t on, regardless of the other facts.

Don’t tolerate it now or else you’re at risk of him doing this regularly going forward.

I would strongly suggest you share the leave. With our first child i had 9 months and then dh had the two or three months after. Doing all the housework, cooking, play dates, baby groups etc. He loved it and i believe it helped make him a confident parent.

Sounds like 2 separate issues. He hates his job, he's stressed, that can happen. It doesn't sound like he's resenting you for being on maternity, he's resenting his job?

How often does he do full days alone with his 4yo?

Why are you doing all the housework?

Well when he can share your SPD and pregnancy related health issues then give birth he can take that time off himself. It's not a holiday! If he hates his job perhaps he needs to start looking into finding something else.

Well when he can share your SPD and pregnancy related health issues then give birth he can take that time off himself. It's not a holiday! If he hates his job perhaps he needs to start looking into finding something else.

He sounds very much like exDP who tuned out to be a narcissistic abuser. He always had to be the centre of attention. Beware, OP.