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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To stay together for the kids

7 replies

Acrodd · 06/02/2024 19:15

At home me and my partner have been arguing so much over the years and it's just causing whole family arguments, it's just to the point where the neighbours are probably hearing all this, I think it's that loud. It's not healthy to be having regular arguments at home and it's just not going to stop, we have always said it will stop and will try again but it starts again not long after. We have finally thought that it is not good, it's not going to change so we think it's better if they split up and move away. I'm actually happy about this because this arguing is getting out of hand. Had a discussion with the OH. Found tge right time to tell the kids, said its not their fault etc. They were crying when my parents mentioned the idea and they were both trying to beg us to stay in this house and wouldnt stop. They were crying for hours about it and begging literally non stop crying, begging, gripping on to us, l said "everything will be fine, I wouldnt move far" then they responded "we want you both together", it didnt stop until they went to bed. 1 of my kids was fine about it though.

Got out of bed this morning, been debating against the idea of the whole splitting up thing and staying together, trying to work things out because of the kids. I dont think we can sort things out, we have tried constantly which works then a month or a few months later max we just end up arguing again, it can be weeks or days later things just go back to normal. The kids were just crying for ages. I guess it's just life, there's going to be p ble who wreck and ruin good things. I was thinking if theres still arguments and maybe if we came up to this decision again when they were older we could look at it then. I have 2 sons 13, 14 and a daughter whos 9. My 13 year old is ok about it all tbh, didnt say much and in fact he agreed but the other 2 didnt take it well. Its a bit of delemms because I dont generally believe that these arguments are going to stop will ever stop if we stay in the same house, we have argued like this before we were born since they were married. My 14 year old son was suggesting famliy counselling to sort it out.

OP posts:
Pearlyclouds · 06/02/2024 19:19

Staying together for the kids is never a good idea imo. It just gives a terrible example of a toxic sad relationship to them.. and that's their model of love.

Of course your children will find your breakup very hard.. but that's a lot better than the alternative

Midnlghtrain · 06/02/2024 19:19

Do not stay together for the children.

They will be scared about the changes, a family with parents together is all they know. However a separated set of parents is better than a toxic family home - they will get used to it in time.

Acrodd · 06/02/2024 19:23

Would famliy counselling not help?

OP posts:
TeaKitten · 06/02/2024 19:28

You’ve already done the hard bit and told your kids, don’t mess them about by keeping them hanging on when you no it doesn’t work. If your neighbours can hear you rowing then you are doing your kids a serious disservice staying together. You no splitting is the right thing for the kids, so be strong and carry on with the break up.

tennesseewhiskey1 · 06/02/2024 19:31

Family counselling might help - helped my brother and sister in law. Depends on the issues I guess - the severity of it and what you’re actually arguing about - someone didn’t do the dishes or washing VS having a secret child with an affair partner etc.

MinervatheGreat · 06/02/2024 19:34

Family counselling will only help if you are all “on the bus” and hopeful of a way forward.

Is your heart in it if have you lost the will to even try what a counsellor suggests?

I suppose if you do go for counselling at least your kids can never say you didn’t try.

All the best OP.
I hope the path will not be too traumatic if you finally decide to separate.

Member85426 · 05/03/2024 13:42

Don’t stay purely for the children. I would consider counselling before you properly split.

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