Why do people post in this style?

[Namechangeforthiss]

I’ve noticed that a lot of posters (about a whole range of topics) will go to great lengths to conceal whether their child is male or female in a post (where it’s of no consequence at all). Whole paragraphs of ‘they’ rather than he/she. Just curious as to why!

I think to conceal the poster's identity. It's just one piece of info missing if someone thinks they might know the OP?

That's just my guess though!

To avoided someone guessing their identity/being outed. I have once recognized someone on mn by their detailed post,

But often there are enough details to be outing without even mentioning their child being male or female! It’ll be ludicrously specific, but omit this one (very un-outing!) detail. It just seems odd!

Because they don’t want people they know recognising it’s them or because they don’t want people judging one sex more harshly than they’d judge the opposite sex, they don’t want to influence the responses etc etc

I can think of two reasons:

1. Poster doesn't want to be outed - the vaguer you are, the lower the chance of being recognised.
2. Poster doesn't want responses clouded by sex stereotypes; e.g wanting advice on over-boisterous toddler and being told 'that's normal for boys' etc.

It's really annoying, it makes it harder to follow and is totally necessary in most cases, same as not naming the 'hobbies'.

I often do this as I have other threads that people could piece together. Unlikely but coulc happen. Most of the time it doesn't actually matter whether the child is a boy or girl, it's often irrelevant.

^^ basically this, when I post like that.

99 times out of a 100, they then forget and refer to ds or dd (or he/she).

Why does it matter to you ?

It drives me mad OP, I've literally just read another thread like that and as you say, all the minute details are often completely outing anyway, so why do they bend over backwards to post 'they', 'them' etc

It's quite distracting, especially if the opening post is a long one.

Hobbies is cycling. Always cycling

I notice this a lot too OP. I do think people are trying to avoid outing details in some cases, but in generally I think sex is the least of their worries.

Sometimes it might be trying to avoid a response that assumes certain types of sex stereotypes.

But I also think that a lot of people now use the singular "they" almost all of the time. Often without noticing it too, they aren't doing it on purpose.

My favourites are the ones where the child changes gender multiple times during the same post.

So true 🤣

People change details such as age and gender as well as being non specific. Agree with @Acatdance that it can also stop preconceptions.

Child may also identify as non-binary.

It is annoying.

Being weird about the sex of the child doesn’t make a massively specific story any less ‘outing’. And most situations are less unique than people might like to think.

Agree that the vagueness about hobbies is even worse. Yes. It’s cycling. Or golf.

FWIW, if I want to conceal details about someone's sex, for privacy reasons, I sometimes just change it, so long as it doesn't affect the meaning or context of what I'm saying. I prefer that to a weird use of "they".

Or golf.

But I also think that a lot of people now use the singular "they" almost all of the time. Often without noticing it too, they aren't doing it on purpose.

I think it’s this, and it matters because words matter.

If I were posting about my family, I would refer to a hobby rather than being specific, because it genuinely would be outing!

Millions cycle and play golf. I'd guess there are under 1000 people in the UK (probably only one or two hundred) who have the same hobby as my husband.

So if someone thought the situation sounded a bit like me, with the same number and ages of children, the same faith (under 1% of the population) and then I mentioned the hobby, they could be confident it's me.

So maybe some of these hobbies are skydiving in drag, or playing gamelan halfway up mountains...

If you want to conceal stuff, just change some details. Being vague is just irritating.

If your hobby really is super specific, pick one with enough similarities in terms of cost/time commitments/ travel etc.

If you don’t want people to know you’re talking about your 4 year old DD, says it’s your DS. Call your partner DH even though you’re not married.

Just don’t just being deliberately obscure in an irritating manner. It actually draws more attention to the details.

So for 99% of Mumsnet - not outing!

You do know that the use of they is perfectly acceptable normal grammar, font you? Doesn't have to be about concealing anything?

But it's perfectly correct grammar.