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4 replies

Despair132 · 06/02/2024 18:27

How the hell is this fair. I have posted before about issues with getting my twat of an ex to pay any maintenance for his autistic daughter that he abandoned. He hasn't paid anything for the first 5 years as apparently he didn't claim benefits or anything then i started getting 30 ish a month as he apparently went on benefits I don't really know what he was doing as we stopped contact when my daughter was only 3 months old. I was going to close the claim because it was just a constant reminder that he didn't give a shit and he was probably laughing at me
how he gets away with it. Anyway DD is 18 now and payments are due to stop because she is leaving full time education to get a job instead. Now I kept this claim open so that he would be at least punished in that he wouldn't be able to further a career and if hes trapped on benefits thats what helped me sleep at night. Well how wrong I was, Last month i received a payment for 870 pound I thought was some kind of arrears payment but then again I get another 870 pound payment. This opened a full on can of worms i wish i could put back. I checked online his name and it turns out he has a family 3 kids looks happy as Larry with all the trimmings latest range rover massive house and on Linkedin it says he started a new job as a Director of some company I assume that his wife has alot to do with this. But how is it fair that he has obviously deliberately stayed off work for 18 years and suddenly he is in a top position which obviously
he must be getting paid well if he can suddenly pay me 2 payments of 800. How can i get him to pay for all the years he refused to pay for his kid? Surely there is a way to backdate it now he is on megabucks. In the meantime im still on benefits because of the mental torture he put me through. Im trying not to think about it but DD is at the stage where she has lost interest in me and even blaming me she doesn't have a father and asking if she can reach out to him. I feel like i have really lost here. Where is the justice she going to start a relationship with him and he is going to feed her lies about why he didnt contribute. I have tried telling her that he didn't care enough to pay but she doesn't understand why its important and just gets Angry and shouts at me. Ready to give up :(

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

13 votes. Final results.

You are being unreasonable
You are NOT being unreasonable
MartinsSpareCalculator · 06/02/2024 18:31

With kindness, this isn't about you and you really shouldn't try to make it about you. She's 18 and wants to contact her father. You clearly know who he is so support her.

That he's done well now is irrelevant as he wasn't living that life before.

Despair132 · 06/02/2024 18:44

How is that fair I’ve done literally everything and he gets to contribute nothing and still have a relationship if he chooses with my DD. Doesn’t help I haven’t even had a proper relationship since he left so feels like he gets away with it all no justice at all. Why did I bother? Ofc I love her so did it anyway but it really is unfair.

OP posts:
LilBus · 06/02/2024 18:50

I mean this kindly op but you are saying you haven’t worked in 18 years because of him? That is a long time to blame him as the reason? I don’t think you can blame him for that. And no they will not back date you any money as your child has grown up now so you are no longer entitled to cm. If you haven’t had a relationship again not sure why that’s his fault and if he consumes this much of your life that you haven’t worked in 18 years because the “mental torture” he put you through then doesn’t sound like you was in a good place to date either. Time to let it go.

Motnight · 06/02/2024 19:15

Please seek some therapy to help you come to terms with what has happened.

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