To feel a little disappointed my child didn’t get bday present from friend/employer

[GreenerGrass321]

I get on very well with my employer. I have known them for 20+years (before I was employed by them), and we have the occasional social gathering outside of work, where we’ve been to dinner at a restaurant, as well as over to each others houses. So more than just an employer/employee relationship. I am a home baker, and have always made birthday cakes for them, their partner, as well as their children; sometimes to specific designs/flavours and I have never asked for money. I’ve always thought of it as a birthday gift to them as I know them all as a family and get on with them all well. I now have my own DS and they have spent time with him, and adore him. It was his bday recently and I guess I’m sad that they didn’t even get him something little for his bday. Just feels like I always give, and get nothing in return. I don’t want to say no when they ask for a bday cake, and wouldn’t want to charge them but just feel a little unappreciated? Not sure that’s the word I am thinking of.
AIBU to feel how I feel?

I would say it’s a bit rude to not reciprocate if you do it for them but otherwise no. I have never expected a present off anyone I don’t live with or parents. I wouldn’t bother again if I were you.

Be busy baking is expensive anyway

Yeah just tell them you don't bake anymore as you've gone off it.

It is a bit sad but I’m guessing they don’t see your cakes as a birthday gift, rather that @GreenerGrass321 just loves baking and will make a cake for anyone.

If they were rude enough to ask you can just say that now you have a child you are a bit busy.

Next time I would say that now you have your DS don't have the time. I can understand you feeling a bit disappointed.

Are they asking you to bake them these cakes? If so you wouldn't be U to ask for an amount towards ingredients etc as baking can be expensive.

I guess they have until now seen the baking as your hobby so haven't contributed?

You aren't wrong to feel a bit taken for granted over it though, and to step back now that you have your DS, because young children do demand a lot of your time.

Stop doing so much for them. You must think more of the relationship than they do. It is sad yes. I'd be upset.

Agreed. It’s actually very rude to accept cakes regularly as birthday gifts for your DC and not give a gift in return.

It would never have occurred to me to buy your child a birthday present. The only kids I bought for were my own, or perhaps if they were invited to a party.

Did they even know the date?

Yes it’s very unthoughtful in my opinion

Next time ‘oh I am so busy with ds I won’t have time’

My mum always said do things for others out of the goodness of your heart - never expect things in return. But if it turns out it’s making you sad, I would politely stop making cakes for them and they might get the message. Do ask for money etc, that distracts from the issue that they are being thoughtless.

I rarely buy gifts for friends or their children, unless we are going to a party, however I do try to repay favours. A friend always buys presents for my kids, and I always get her something in return (she doesn't have kids). I also make sure to take in biscuits to the office sometimes in lieu of baking, as many others bake.

I think people often don't value cake making, but making a specific cake on request is a lot of time and effort! It's thoughtless rather than intentioned I'm sure, but would make me less willing with my favours in future.

I think that you have to rein back on the baking for them - you are feeling unappreciated, you've already said you don't want to ask for money, so you are left with stopping baking (if they ask, you can just say a breezy "Oh no, sadly I'm too busy these days").

I've had to instigate a "no gifts for any of my friends' kids" rule because my friendship circle currently has about 20 of the little buggers, and it would be a) expensive and time consuming to always be finding, buying, wrapping and posting gifts, b) most of the kids are swamped with clothes and toys anyway, and c) there's too much potential for miffed feelings if you start and then stop, or they find out you gave something to one person, but their kid's birthday slipped your mind.

It would not occur to je to buy your kid a gift. And they must think you’re happy to make th4 cakes and it’s not for something in return? So just say no next time, make an excuse up. Or ask for cash?

They did offer in the past to pay, and I have only made them pay for addition extras or decorations that I didn’t currently have in the house. And I always said no, it’s my present to them. But you’re right, I think the easiest option is to just politely say no and make my excuses. I don’t think they are intentionally trying to be rude, and they know that even though I enjoy baking, it takes time to do, just not thinking I guess. And yes they knew it was his birthday as I have been talking about the party we had (didn’t invite their kids as they are too old) and the party was before actually bday

It's a disappointment when it feels like your generosity is taken for granted. I would stop baking the cakes. Just say no, now - you don't have the time or energy to do them.

If they didn't ask you to make than that is your choice, it is anice thing to do but I really don't get this 'I have decided to do this for you and if you don't do what I expect now you are in the wrong'

They are your employers

They do not need to do anything