To decline baby sitting?

[2023NEWMUM2023]

Hi I'm a FTM and first time poster. So please be kind ha!
Baby and I have been going to a playgroup for 8 months. It's a lovely group and we've made some nice friends. We've become close to a mum and baby who is a year older than mine. We've met up at the park, been for walks and been round to their house once (they haven't come to our house yet as we have a dog and they aren't dog people). Mum and I have a lot in common. DH hasn't met them yet, but we've talked about going on a joint family walk.
Anyway the AIBU is the mum has offered 4 times to babysit eg. When I've felt unwell or when I'm going to supermarket. Each time I've declined and said it's very kind but granny and grandad will babysit if needed. Whilst I'm keen to get to know mum more and hope we become good friends, I don't feel comfortable leaving baby with her as I don't really know her well enough. It's now getting a bit awkward having to decline politely each time. I don't want to tread on her toes or lose a new friendship before it's even started. AIBU? WWYD?

Just tell her you and dh agreed it would be family babysitting only.. If need be blame dh!
My ds was with a non family member for the first time in November.. He was 9!!

Yanbu. Just say thanks but no thanks and that you don't think you will feel comfortable leaving him/her with anyone outside the family for a while. Has the other mum left her kid with any non-family babysitters?

It isn't offensive to say no thanks.

She probably just wants to be able to ask you to babysit for her but realises that to be polite, she should offer the favour to you first.

She’s prob like me and has zero family support (13 years a parent and our families don’t do babysitting..) and is hoping for a reciprocal arrangement.
You hear constantly on Mumsnet people saying to build your own support network. I’ve found that everyone around me has support 🤷‍♀️

You’re very lucky to have that support @Windydaysandwetnights . Literally a different world with family who don’t help

Sounds like she's trying to be supportive and to build a network of those who can help in return one day. If you're not into it, that's absolutely fine and politely decline but thank her for her offer.

DH and I don't have family support and when our elder DCs were little we didn't go out together alone until the kids were about 8/9. It's an absolute struggle if you don't have supportive parents or in laws.

this. She is probably just trying to build a network. Ultimately she needs to find friends who are also looking for swaps, because reciprocal arrangements work better than one sided favours long term, but it is hard to do so don't blame her for trying.

I'm not saying no to babysitting for her and I'd gladly help now and again. Esp as her child is older I'd feel more confident looking after them.
I'd also consider using her as a babysitter when our baby is older, but they aren't even 1 yet and it feels too young to me and I'd want to know her better. Maybe I'm being over protective.

I had a good friend I met at baby group. I got to know her and her DH really well. We helped each other out a few times with babysitting when the DCs were around 2. Basically once my DD was old enough to show me that she was happy or unhappy around certain people. At your DCs age, I wouldn't have considered it.
She's maybe looking for a support system/community. I'd say you don't like being apart from your DC yet, but you'll happily look after hers, as hers is older etc

Yanbu

You're definitely not being overprotective. Don't let anyone babysit who you're not 100% sure on. But maybe next time say you don't need her to look after your LO as you're doing okay but you're happy to be asked should she need help in the future with her little one. It may stop the questions to you when you don't need the babysitting offer and also reassure her that the friendly bond is still going strong.

YANBU at all, I’d just say we don’t need a babysitter.

If she keeps insisting then she’s a weirdo who you’re best off avoiding.

This is what I was thinking.
She's probably lovely, but why does she keep asking when she knows your family are there for you?

YANBU but if you want to be nice and build the relationship why don’t you offer (at an appropriate time) to babysit for her some time. She sounds like a great friend who is keen to help you so worth nurturing that relationship

I’d blame your mum- ‘my mum would go ballistic if she knew I’d asked someone else
!!’ - that kind of thing.

It might well be that she’s offering as she needs a reciprocal favour. Next time she asks, smile and laugh it off, as suggested, but then offer back - you could say, I’m happy to help if you’ve not got a baby-obsessed mum or MIL!

This.
Definitely worth building a network of friends and not relying on a set of Grandparents to always be there for you, particularly in an emergency.

Fine for you to not want to leave you little one so young, but keep the doors open for when you do.
When my dc were tiny, I unfortunately had emergency circumstances where I couldn't have managed without a supportive network of friends. It helped greatly that my dc were very happy going to / playing with / staying with a variety of adults.

No I don't think you are being unreasonable. It's a big deal to let someone babysit your child, so you do what you are comfortable with.

I do wonder if she is just trying to offer support and kindness where she possibly didn't receive any? Maybe she had a lack of support when she had a younger baby and just wants to let you know you have her support.

"Oh cheers, I think I would probably leave X with grandparents while he's so young, but very happy to look after Y occasionally, with him being a bit older."