Why are people so two faced

[Paloma52]

Long story short, DH and I recently fell out with a toxic couple after nearly 20 years of friendship. I want to add that this was after tolerating a lot of what I now realise was exclusion bullying on their part and biting my tongue for fear of a fall out. We were originally part of a group of 8, and each member came to me expressing anger etc regarding this couple and their behaviour, but I kept my counsel and didn’t get involved. One of the 8 since the fall out has basically distanced herself from me, which hurts, as we were very close and I did loads for her, and the other 2, although we still see and do things with them, still moan to us about said couple, but continue to see them and book holidays etc. AIBU to feel annoyed and actually a little peeved by this? I am losing respect with them to be honest, as the couple we fell out with are a nasty piece of work, masquerading as kind, altruistic people, but it is for their own personal again/image, and everyone knows this, but continue to suck up to them. I am aware that I cannot control who people see and what they do, but it is making me want to cut them all off, as I cannot stand the hypocrisy.

Do honestly, people have bandwidht and free time for things like these, not with 1 , but 4 couples. Are you for real

Agree.

Maybe it's time to distance yourself from the whole group.

My point exactly!!! I do not want to be part of it all, but because we still see mutual friends, it is alway being brought up!

I am beginning to think the same, but DH is still happy to see the other couple. Maybe it is just me getting annoyed, but I cannot abide hypocrites

Hence my AIBU post, as I wanted opinions of others not involved if that makes sense? Aware I may just be being sensitive after the fallout

Make new friends. Shd not be this hard.

Well, tell them that then! You don't have to listen to their moaning 🤷‍♀️

@Paloma52 sorry but i would have left this group 20 years ago at the first sign of bullying by anyone. I just will not put up with that behaviour and you have at last done the right thing. you and your partner do not need anyone else to go out with or go on holiday with. the remaining two couples will eventually come to their senses and one of the women has already stated she knows you did nothing wrong so she is being weak! you have been as bad as the remaining weak people. why has no one called her out for this behaviour before? is everyone scared of confrontation?? for goodness sake, get a grip of yourself!!

Unfortunately OP, a lot of people prefer to take the path of least resistance. They know what this couple are like, but as another poster said, they’ve also seen you be sidelined, and have decided putting up with them is easier than finding a new group of friends.

When I was a teenager there was a big split in my parents’ friendship group. The couple who caused it were 100% in the wrong, zero ambiguity - yet more people sided with them than with my parents, who were the wronged party. Oh, the other couples in the group said of course they didn’t condone such behaviour; heavens no - “but at the end of the day, they’re still our friends”. It was an early lesson in how spineless they can be.

It’s not just in friendships you see this. How many threads do you see on here where posters describe toxic colleagues making their workplace hell, and the management are fully aware, but do nothing? Because they know it’s going to be hell getting rid of a person like that. So into the sand their heads go, and they try to convince themselves that the department’s attrition rate doubling was a coincidence.

I think you have to accept this couple are going to stay friends with the others. However, you be within your rights to say, “Look, you’re preaching to the converted here. We KNOW what Sue and Bob are like - that’s why we dropped them. But if you’re not going to do anything about it, we don’t really want to be your sounding board”.

This is so true!! Thank you, you have made me feel so much better about it all 🥰