Once a cheat always a cheat

[millymog11]

Do you think the above mantra is true (generally speaking I mean, not 100% of the time with no exceptions).

Ignoring the "has it been proven yet?" question, the news story about Christian Horner's controlling behaviour towards someone (who is not his wife Geri) makes me think whenever i see stories like this that having this type of thing in your past is almost always a very clear sign of what you are likely to do in the future. People often fall into the "cheated on" or "cheater" camp without much cross over (I know which one I am in) and often repeat that as a pattern throughout their lives.

I don’t know whether the phrase has any weight to it but I’d instantly discount anyone who I knew had cheated for a potential relationship and would leave dh immediately if he did without any forgiveness. I’d never recover from that level of disrespect or trust him again and what’s a relationship without trust?

No idea on the guy you mention in the OP, only things I know about him is that he’s married to ginger spice and has something to do with F1!

I don't necessarily think this is true but do believe in once a liar, always a liar. My ex cheated quite randomly as a one off because he was selfish and mainly just did what made him happy as and when in all areas of life without considering others. We stayed together for a number of years after during which I could say hand on heart that he didn't cheat again but he did continue to do things that suited him but upset me, then lie about them, such as vaping in the house, taking drugs and so on. So I could never trust him again despite the cheating not being repeated because he didn't stop lying, or putting himself first every time.

Cheating once particularly if you were very young doesnt mean you'll always be a cheat.
Cheating as an adult within a long term relationship/ marriage is another thing entirely.
Maybe cheating once you can move on from but more than once then highly unlikely to change

I think everyone has potential to change but once someone cheats I do think they are more likely to do it again especially if they remain in the relationship with the betrayed

Not necessarily, I’ve cheated on a partner in the past. I am not proud of it but it is what it is, it doesn’t define my character. It was just a situation that happened, it didn’t come about for one reason, there was a combination of many factors that culminated in me cheating.

I am quite a bit older now, have far more experience and integrity I suppose. I also have more self worth and have resolved a lot of the issues that contributed to me cheating. I am confident I would not do it again, i would deal with the whole thing completely differently.

So no, not all cheaters are cheaters for life. Sometimes our problems are situational, not behavioural.

if it is behavioural though, that change is going to be hard won. Therapy and many years of hard work to change a persons behaviours, that is a rarity (that they change)

My daughter's ex-h was a serial cheat. He's been divorced four times now, and he always has another woman before he leaves his wife.

Cheaters will cheat until they change..

Unfortunately for the person with the cheater, they won't know yet if the cheater has changed or not.. and they may find out they haven't.

of its the same relationship then yes I don't think they will not change, but if it's a new relationship you can (I have been a cheater in the past, in multiple relationships but never with my current partner and never would).

I think that some people are pathological cheats and it would take a lot of work to sort it out.

Some people cheat once, an unfortunate collision of circumstances. People who regret the chaos and destruction. Others who think their lucky stars they were never caught and would never risk it again.

There are people that are so open and honest that just the thought of cheating makes them feel anxious.

And there are other people in between.

But for people it is a pattern of behaviour that they are unwilling to change.

What I find totally baffling and sometimes laughable is when you meet someone who has cheated in their past, particularly if their cheating led to their next relationship (i.e. there was overlap between the previous relationship and their current relationship) and then some time later their new partner cheats on them and they are super indignant and righteously angry that their partner cheated on them. I honestly cannot fathom the logic of that.

Referring back to the OP I guess it would be a situation where Geri Halliwell cheats on Christian Horner and Christian is apoplectic with rage and calls her an immoral cheater etc when he first got together with Geri by cheating on someone else.

If there is openly acknowledged overlap like that I honestly do not understand the groundrules of the new relationship if both parties assume total fidelity and monogomy knowing what they know.

In this case it does not really work because it seems more likely that it would be Christian not Geri cheating (although he has only been accused of being coercive/controlling towards another woman, not cheating on Geri as such) but I guess I would struggle to understand indignation of either party at cheating if their relationship started and was born out of a cheating situation. Its just a weird thing to assume fidelity when the very start of the relationship was an act of infidelity (whatever the relationship being destroyed by it was originally like good or bad).

ExH told me he had cheated on everyone he'd been in a relationship before he met me, but that our relationship was different and special. It wasn't. He cheated on me, I booted him out and he went off with his now wife. He cheated on her before they'd even got married. She knew it and went ahead with it anyway. Good luck to her (not).

Apparently he has been sending sexually suggestive texts as well as exhibiting controlling behaviour..it’s in the news this afternoon. I guess he hasn’t changed then!

There’s a few in this thread 🤷‍♀️

As soon as I heard there was a scandal and that companies were threatening to end their relationship with red bull l I knew it would have a sexual angle.

Does he make Geri wear only white?!

I think it’s true. If you have crossed that line once it’s easier to do so again.

If they did it for you they’ll do it to you.

No idea I only know what the media says about him but i don't know him personally

No one can say always a cheater as no one is a robot who only does things a computer programmer had built in

If people need to think that because of some weird thing they have that is up to them

I think there are 2 types of cheater.

The common garden variety cheater who does it for the thrill so yes, in these instances once a cheat always a cheat.

But I think there are also (and this is much rarer) those who cheat because they are unhappy and perhaps weren't with the right person (not excusing it though!). In these cases I think once they meet that right person they are less likely to cheat again.

I think this 100%.

Time is also factor. As time passes and people get older, most often their social lifestyle will evolve into one content with staying home more, slippers on, less energy, therefore ultimately less temptation, opportunity or desire to cheat

The released Watts Apps the saga continues.

Yes i do believe it the saying goes for women as well.
i was cheated on 4times before i found out and BOOM one of them was with my own sister.
We split well left for another younger woman now has 3 kids with her and cheated more times than ive had hot dinners BOOM one was with her best mate.
Still together still cheating so controlling.

I honestly don't think so in the majority of cases.

Yes, there are serial cheaters who do it for the thrill and becuase they can, but I also think a substantial number of people who have affairs are basically good people who made a bad choice or a series of bad choices and got into a situation they couldn't see a way out of. Often trying to keep everyone happy and hoping to keep everything secret so no one gets hurt.

The cheat in that situation is very unhappy and conflicted. All wrong and misguided, but I don't think that having been in that situation once, it's a given that they'll do it again.

I think basically good is a stretch but I do agree people make mistakes unintentionally.

It's all about context definitely and can't compete all cheaters as the same