aibu or my not so dh?

[bambam30]

so the story is that dh is a bit precious over the house being like a showhome etc etc and ds aged 2.5 has just had an ice cream in the living room watching cbeebies and has spilt 6 yes 6 drops of chocolate on the floor to which dh has gone off on one saying i never listen to him and he has 'told' me he shouldn't eat in the room and when am gonna listen to which i have replied that he is 2 ffs and i have had enough of him whingeing when all my friends say our house is like a showhome and even the estate agents have said the same and that he is just a w***r so now he upstairs in a strop and i down here on mn!!!!!!!! who is wrong?

neither of you. you just have different needs and opinions on this.
However, he is more unrealistic about the state of a home with a child in it.
And if he wants you to maintain his standards - that is unreasonable. If it matters so much to him then it's HIS job to do it.
YOU HEAR THAT MR FUSSYPANTS????

He has 'told' you? I see now why followed 'dh'

hecate is right - a compromise is what's called for.

He's being unreasonable with a child about.

It's pretty pointless stressing out about the state of your home all the time when you've got children. A total waste of energy. Spend the energy playing with the child instead!

To a certain extent, you've just got to accept that mess, stains, scratches, marks are all part of the territory. When your kids are grown up, then you can start being precious. Unless you want your kid to grow up constipated for fear of making Daddy angry by making a weeny mess?

A friend of mine has white furniture in his house and he gets so very very upset if at the prospect of any marks on his living room furniture. We never go round there anymore and his daughter lives in a polythene bag so she can't make mess.

he is wrong yuor ds lives there too and it is his ghome.My mum made us live in a show home when we were kids and it has had a lasting efect

home

Only allow your child to eat food that blends perfectly with the carpet or upholstery.

Send DH to my house for a week. I'll de-sensitise him to any slight drips after a week in my cowp!

Some people are neat freaks like this. I assume you knew this about him when you married him?

Like my DH. In fact, when I first visited his apartment, he warned me "My place is a bit too clean and tidy". And indeed it was scarily sterile.

Some years and a DD later, he is much more 'normal' about this, but does rant and moan about DD's toys being scattered around the place and God forbid if he sees a bit of dust in a corner

i have just shown him these replies and his answer ...... yeah but you are all women

I think he is being unreasonable but then again, the last thing you would describe my house as is a 'show home', mine is just a home - we live in it and it gets messy...........so what? There are far more important things to worry about in life.

I would tell him that there are many years ahead in which to own the perfectly pristine home (when the dcs have fled the nest) but now is just not the time - I feel for you x

SOunds like my DH!!!!

Neither of you is wrong, as hecate said, it's just down to different values... but there does need to be some midle ground....

My DH is very fussy (don't tell him I said that!! ) so we have a family room and an 'adult' room (not some kinky room, obviously!! just somehwhere he can be without kids / dog).

His kids are older now, so less of a problem, but if they are eating in front of the TV, it'll be in the family room... And they aren't allowed to eat in his car, only mine.

The only problem is, as Hecate says, if he's requiring YOU to maintain his standards (For instance, if DH borrows my car and it's a pigsty, he'll take it to the valet service but he won't complain to me as he knows that it comes with the territory, IYSWIM!)

My SIL has this problem with her DH. She puts up with it and tells him if he wants a pristine house then he has to hoover himself.

He hoovers every day.

I hate visting them as you feel concious of every crumb that falls on the table.

He is being unreasonable to expect a house to stay perfect with a 2yo in the house.

Post the same question on Dadsnet if you want some answers from men.

Tell him to clean up the mess himself and stop whingeing. A two year old is allowed to make a mess. My DH moans about the house being a mess and I tell him to clean it himself if he's that bothered.

FACT:
If you let him eat icecream in the living room, he WILL slop.

You said he spilled on the floor. As in not carpets? Wipeable surface??

If so, whats the problem?

Not sure whether I should be envious of a tidy DH, or heaving a sigh of relief over my dh's more relaxed habits

Ha! Send him up to my howk house for a week & he won't be complaining about 6 drips on the carpet when he gets back

tbh he sounds a bit umm anal. He's going to have to learn to live with a bit of mess with a dc in the house.

sorry, bambam

message from my husband (male last time I looked!) for him

They are children for such a short time. A house is just a house and a bit of mess is to be expected. When your daughter looks back on her childhood, what do you want her to feel? How do you want her to remember you? Relax.

Your DH is BU. If he wants a pristine house, he has to keep it that way, why should you have to?

Also, it sounds like he's forgetting that it is your DS's house too.

pardon me, change that to SON!!!

I can see why he's annoyed, I mean, an ice cream in the living room with a 2yr old!

You must be crackers!

I#ll be honest, I am a bit like you, DP is like your DH, but he stood back and just let me get on with it in our last house, it ended up a state, 6 drops is fine, but 6 drops will add up.

Can you not compromise that no-one eats in the living room? Or at least only 'non-messy' type things.

He shouldn't have spoken to you that way though and that's what I'd be annoyed about, but it is his home too, so surely he should be able to have some say about where people eat?

You are being more than reasonable.

I agree, Victorian... Something like this would drive my DH mad. It's often something that can't readily be controlled...

I've actually referred to my DH as 'Princess and the Pea' - I SWEAR TO GOD, the man can feel grit on our (wooden) floors through his (expensive leather soled!) work shoes. I hoover EVERY day he's at home.

It's really not about the kids, he really is just very clean and tidy - I change our duvet twice per week when he's at home.

BUT, there DOES need to be a realisation that not everyone in the house wants to live like that... Our family room is clean and tidy, but has had ribena split on the sofa, has coal stains on the rug and has coffee rings on the coffee table....

Sorry, meant to add: His kids are getting more and more like him... My 13YODSD doesn't really like the family room anymore and much prefers the adult areas...

My house is not a show room but when our children were small they were not usually allowed to eat in the living room. But they were allowed to on special occasions
You need to come to some comprimise with your DH.