My DD, who is 16, has been in her first relationship for the past year. Her boyfriend is also 16 and they are both in year 11. Since the start of their relationship, he has spun her all sorts of lies. Unfortunately, my DD believes his lies and it is beginning to affect her mental health and her GCSEs.
Some examples of his lies:
- He will often book dates for them, then when my DD shows up, he is frequently not there or no such booking exists. When she tries to contact him, he’s either got his phone switched off or he will tell her there has been some sort of family emergency. After this had happened a few occasions (leading to my DD being in tears stood up every time) I contacted his mother, who told me that these family emergencies had never happened and my DD must be ‘confused’.. more on this later!
- A few months ago it was my DDs 16th birthday and her boyfriend claimed to have bought her a very expensive, £500 handbag. He said he saved his money for months to buy it for her, as well as using his own birthday money. He claimed he had even paid extra to get the designer shop to gift wrap it. Of course my DD was overwhelmed with gratitude. Then, on the day of her birthday, he said he had lost the handbag and couldn’t find it, and would have to buy it her again. He did produce the handbag, but its obviously a very poor quality, cheap fake.. I haven’t told my DD this as she’d be very upset. I did gently ask my DD where he would get £1,000 from, but she wouldn’t hear any suggestion that he could possibly be lying.
- Last week he told my DD that he had booked them a very expensive, upmarket restaurant for Valentine’s Day. This restaurant requires a credit card to secure the booking (I know because I’ve been with DH) so I knew straight away it was a lie. I told DD this, and the boyfriend claimed his mum had booked it for them. Not wanting my DD to get her hopes up and be let down yet again, I messaged his mum to check. She said that she had not used her credit card for any booking and her son hadn’t even mentioned anything about going out on Valentine’s Day.
Yesterday, I told my DD about all of my interactions with her boyfriend’s mum and that I felt her boyfriend was a liar, and frankly lets her down far too much. The next thing I know, the boyfriend is claiming his mum is a liar, unstable and just wants to split them up! My DD completely believes this, even though I told her that it’s extremely unlikely and doesn’t add up. I’m totally at a loss of what to do because, like most 16 year olds with their first boyfriend, she believes they will be together forever. This relationship is already having such an impact on her and I really don’t know what I can do… as I’m sure you are all aware, 16 year olds think their parents know nothing!