or is this normal?

[Labrynth]

I am really not bothered about Mother's day at all but i have come to question something after my mum flagged it up.

Basically MIL has arranged a meal on Mother's day for DH and my kids (DH and I haven't been getting on well recently so there is a but of tension between us)

I was completely ok with it but my mum said I should have been considered first before booking anything as I am the mother of DH kids?

Yes I would think you either are invited as well or she asked if you were doing anything first

Should I really expect him to put me before his own mother?

What you're not invited to the meal?!
That's not normal at all.
My DH puts me, the mother of his children first on mother's day. We have a meal that I want. The last few years I've not wanted to eat out, so he cooks a nice meal. My mum and his mum are also invited. My mum (and dad) come, but his mum goes out with the SILs. So we usually take her card and gift the day before or afterwards.
You are your children's mum. It's your mother's day! He should be treating you, until they are old enough to do it themselves, even then to be honest.

Not normal at all and really weird not to invite you along too.

You're thinking of it illogically he wouldn't be putting you ahead of his own mother he should be putting you first as you're the mother of his children and he should be facilitating them spoiling you especially if they are young.

MIL is his mother. Fine that he sees her on mths day.

Your kids - you're their mother so they should be with you on mths day (and you with your mum if you wish).

In other words - it's mother's day not (paternal) grandmother's day.

Yes, because he's adult and you are his wife and the mother of his children ffs.

Perfectly OK for him to see his mother on Mother's Day, but neither your DH or your MIL should be factoring you out of the conversation about it. It's really overbearing and unfair of your MIL and your DH just decide without any consultation that your children would be spending Mother's Day with their dad and their grandmother instead of you, their actual bloody mother.

If you are more than happy to have a few hours to yourself or spend it with your own mum, and would genuinely rather do that than do something with your kids, that's totally fine - but you should certainly have been consulted first to check with you and ask you what you would prefer.

If you wasn’t bothered and we’re completely ok with the plan why do you need to question it? You were happy until your mum gave her opinion. I don’t mean that at all in a rude way but you said you were completely ok with it.
Although MIL should of checked with you about plans as you may of wanted your children to spend the day with you, unless she checked with your DH and he said he wasn’t planning on anything special for you and she took it upon herself to make plans. Are you not invited?

This. His primary responsibility is to his mother on Mother's Day. However, he should be facilitating the children to do something for you as he is their parent and you are their mother.

Absolutely fine for him to spend time with his mum, but the children should be with you, unless you'd rather have the peace and quiet! He absolutely shouldn't unilaterally make plans to do something with your children without you on Mother's Day.

It’s so rude to cut the mother of his children, who is currently doing the hard slog of mothering out of the day. Of course fine to see his mother that day or that weekend but I’d be expecting him to help your children make a fuss of you, take you out or cook etc. my DP would never do this, so strange.

Is your mil involved in this plan? If I had a dil I would have made sure the plan was agreeable to my son’s wife.

Erm clarify you are not invited? Wtf

Really???
They didn’t include you. I would not be impressed.

Why are you not invited?

Yes.
100%

THAT it is SO telling that you even asked this.

This exactly! I couldn't have put this so well!