To think relationship can't recover

[whatdoidoo1]

If you split up for reasons that can be worked through, but you both slept with other people after the split, can you ever go back to normal?

DP wants to make it work.. but I can't bear the thought of being near him now he's touched other women.

I slept with 2 people drunk. He slept with 4, drunk and sober.. his feels more intimate because he cuddled them, messaged them and was arranging to see them again.

I can't seem to move past it. Knowing he gave them the intimacy I craved (we had issues with intimacy).

More so his lies; he lied about how many and what they did etc. He lied to "protect me cos he knew it would hurt" but I think more like "he knew I might not want him back"

He denies having feelings for them. Says it was casual sex to distract him, nothing more

I just can't let it go.

Shall I just let it go?
AIBU: it can work, get over it
YNBU: throw it away

He deserves better so let it go

Why? He hasn't exactly covered himself in glory by his behavior.

Interesting why does he deserve better?

Not gonna drip feed but I worshipped the man when we were together. We broke up because he lies a lot and had a porn addiction. Wasn't the nicest man but has been working on himself...

So he's got form for lying, you left him because of the lying (and porn addiction), and he has now continued to lie. How exactly has he been working on himself?

Honestly, better fish out there. Let this one go.

To make a relationship work you need two things at minimum.

Trust - you said he lies a lot so your trust is really broken. You will be forever wondering if he's lying again or telling the truth. That will be a real headfuck for you.

No resentment - once resentment is in a relationship it is nearly impossible to stop it killing the relationship. Even if they stop doing the thing you resent them for, you will always be angry at them doing it in the first place.

I'm sorry OP, it seems it's time to let go.

Thank you. I think I'm just gaslighting myself aren't I.

There were lots of (resolvable) issues in the relationship, but lying for me is a big dealbreaker.

I understand he lied to preserve his own interest, he knew I'd walk away if I found out the truth. But I begged him to be honest and he kept lying. I had to find out the truth from the other women.

You both had sex with other people while you were not in relationship with each other. Frankly, what he did or didn't do at that time is none of your business. And you were obsessive enough about it to go and seek details from other women knowing full well that you won't be able to move past it. You were looking for reasons not to get back together, you found them.
Yes, he may have been lying to you in the past but this doesn't make what you've done any more acceptable.