So last week my DD came to me and said " I have just been given a bombshell by Grampa" ( My father) DD is 19. She told me that my sister has just booked tickets to come visit ( not to stay with us but my parents who live about an hour or so away). The bombshell is that I haven't spoken to my sister in 3 years. She is mentally unstable, and gets drunk regularly and sends abusive text messages/ emails/ linkedin mails you name it. My life has been so peaceful and anxiety and stress free since putting in that boundary. I have also told my parents that I will not entertain any conversation relating to my sister as it just causes arguments. ( they do everything they can for her and I am pretty sure they paid for her trip as she has been out of work for 7-8 months and has been paying for her car and rent on benefits - god knows how). So firstly I am annoyed they told my DD and not me or any other member of my family even DS who is 3 yrs younger than DD. My father has been trying to communicate that he wants us all to go visit - through DD which annoys DD and she has said if you want us all to come you really need to talk to my mum. That's snippets of the back story, so come this morning my mother messages me and asks us for lunch next sunday and sister is here on holiday . I replied and said thank you, I have plans on Sunday but check with DD she might be free and can drive DS to see sister ( I don't withhold contact as my issues with my sister are my issues and my kids know that sister has mental health issues so are mindful of that)
So here is where I am asking if I am being unreasonable to just say NO to seeing her to preserve my mental health/ Anxiety etc ( I do not want contact with her, this has happened so many times where she has unfriended me and blocked me and I have reached out understanding etc and she has abused me and told me I am awful mean, horrible human etc etc) so I finally had enough and don't want to go through all that again - the worst my parents constantly meddling and telling me I have to contact sister as she is down/ depressed / having a hard time. Sister never reaches out to me BTW its always one sided and she and my mother constantly talk shit about me ( I know because when my parents stayed here I saw messages pop up on my mothers ipad when I was cleaning)
Then also to add I don't feel particularly strong at the moment, menopause, weightgain etc and I really don't want to see my sister in this state ( my sister has been anorexic / obsessive about her weight since she was 7) its just such a trigger seeing her and my parents as they have pretty much doted on her her entire life ( she is older than me) and my younger sister and I just get angry how she manipulates them with her idle threats of suicide and doom. Ok there is a lot there and also just needed to vent and I know that I get honest feedback from you lot even though sometimes it can appear as mean ( lol)