Judgy mum or normal?

[murielsway]

Does anyone else have an extremely judgy mum who judges everyone and no matter what they do it never feels good enough?
I know everyone judges to a degree but to literally base your life on your mums approval into your 40s?
I have crippling social anxiety and low self esteem, I know it's not healthy but I can't seem
to break the cycle of trying to please her.
Surely other people don't live like this.

You can't change her, only your reaction to her.

Have you considered some form of therapy? There's obviously years of issues to unpick.

No I don't feel this, but someting maybe to think about is how much does she actually judges you compared to home much you think you are being judged

sure she could be judging you or but to another person what she says maybe a normal passing comment

Yes, we are now no longer in contact. She ‘judged’ me once too many times and had started to show signs that she was judging my children. I decided that was enough.

Judges everyone on her own low standards and morals. I have gone no contact.
Go to the 'we took you to stately homes' thread. Lots of us sadly in the same position.

How are you getting on OP?

Yes mine is judgy and critical often thinking the worst of other people and me.

Some examples, DF had dementia and I explained about the various allowances and wanted to help her apply for them. She was awkward suspicious and uncooperative thinking I was trying to claim money I wasn’t entitled to. She told relatives about this and she has accused various people of this over the years.

She hates her neighbours and thinks they are listening in to her business and closes the windows on hot days so they can’t listen in.

She asks questions about what I have been doing or not doing and passes judgy comments or I can almost see or hear her making a mental note of it.

She plays people off against each other and nothing is good enough.

Its not normal behaviour I have begun to try and distance myself its not easy but I am doing so for my own sanity.