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AIBU?

Would I be weird to do this to a collegue?

5 replies

Cantthinkofausername4 · 04/02/2024 17:11

Hi!

overthinking this slightly after I mentioned it to a friend who is outside of the situation completely and she thought it was silly and would come across a bit weird 🥴

basically I’ve got a collegue who is really nice but hasn’t really had the easiest start at work and has struggled to fit in due to a couple of reasons but a big one is a language barrier where she struggles to understand us. She’s really nice and I really like working with her (I only work 2 days a week with her) but she hasn’t quite fitted in amongst the other full time people at work in her team because they’re all close friends already

it’s a bit tricky to chat sometimes because she doesn’t fully understand a lot of what we say but as long as you speak slowly and repeat she can grasp it and she’s so lovely to have a conversation with. We got chatting and I found out she used to have horses in her home country - im horse mad so we instantly chatted about horses and bonded over that and even though she doesn’t ride anymore I think she liked the conversation because it was a mutual interest we can both talk about, and it’s been cool to hear about how riding and horse ownership is different here vs in another country etc!

anyway, I found out she doesn’t have any horsey momentos or keepsakes when she moved to this county and I know loads of horse people like to keep shoes as a souvenir/keepsake kind of thing. My horse recently had his shoes off/on so I’ve got shoes and they’ve been in the fire so they’re spotlessly clean. I was going to give her a shoe as a little gift, not for any reason but it’s just a horsey momento and I thought she might like it. Would that be weird though since she doesn’t ride anymore? She still loves horses and genuinely seemed to enjoy her conversation, I just feel for her as she hasn’t had the easiest start here and I thought it might be a nice thing to do but I don’t want to come across weird or annoying or for people to think it’s a weird thing to do especially as it’s not her horses shoe and people might think it’s a bit random. But also I thought she might like it and it might cheer her up a bit?

sorry, just not sure what to do and don’t want to come across as weird like my other friend thought it would be. Any opinion would be appreciated! x

OP posts:
Spirallingdownwards · 04/02/2024 17:13

No it would be a really nice gesture.

TheHateIsNotGood · 04/02/2024 17:23

Yes, that would be a very nice thing to do; when you move with just luggage your keepsake horseshoe isn't first on the list (too heavy).

Just check that giving a horseshoe is a good thing in her culture; there isn't even full agreement amongst the differing British cultures - you can either set it upwards to collect the good luck or down to let the bad luck fall out, some even say it must have been 'thrown' from a horse whilst out hunting.

LadeOde · 04/02/2024 18:09

Just check that giving a horseshoe is a good thing in her culture;

This is very good advice. Many things that are British culture or seen as the norm aren't in other countries. In my home country there's a particular part that is really into horse riding but would see a gift of a horse shoe as a very odd thing. Momentos consist of photos with friends taken at polo matches, nothing more. There might be a reason why she didn't bring any momentos.

skybluekitty · 04/02/2024 18:21

TheHateIsNotGood · 04/02/2024 17:23

Yes, that would be a very nice thing to do; when you move with just luggage your keepsake horseshoe isn't first on the list (too heavy).

Just check that giving a horseshoe is a good thing in her culture; there isn't even full agreement amongst the differing British cultures - you can either set it upwards to collect the good luck or down to let the bad luck fall out, some even say it must have been 'thrown' from a horse whilst out hunting.

Great advice here but overall I think it's lovely.

I had similar with a colleague who started in my team and at first she struggled to fit in and it could feel awkward, just because of the language barrier.

That was 13 years ago and we are really good friends, we work really well together and she is an integral part of our team. Her English has come on and other people have got used to some of the cultural differences and nobody notices it now. I hope the same happens with you!

Thunderstruckbysnoring · 04/02/2024 19:16

I think if you explain first and say that the gifting of horse shoes as a thing here and is good I k this way etc and then say "so I brought you one to say welcome" then you've framed it as perfectly normal horse behaviour and I think it and you sound lovely

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