To think I've completely ruined my career

[itsoverat29]

I think I may have ruined my career before it's even started, and I feel like it's going to be impossible to get it back on track. I don't know if I'm catastrophising or just being realistic.

I did an undergraduate degree followed by a master's and graduated in 2019. Then COVID kicked off and I couldn't find a job, I finally got a job but had to wait a few months to start so ended up having a year between finishing my master's and starting my new job. I worked there for 6 months and really enjoyed it and had good mental health and no issues, but it was a fixed-term contract so I needed something more stable. I got a job, where I worked for 18 months. I hated it, it destroyed my mental health and I ended up taking 2 months off sick (signed off by my GP), as well as lots of sporadic absences due to anxiety and depression. My attendance was awful. I finally decided to quit, have a few months off over the summer and then go back to university to retrain which I started last September. I really dislike the course and want to leave. I've been trying my absolute best and getting good grades, but I know it's not the right path for me.

I'm really worried as I feel like I'll never be able to get a job due to having so many gaps in my CV and my last job having poor attendance records. I have really struggled with my mental health the last few years, and seem to burn out quickly. I have been considering whether I'm neurodivergent.

Is there any hope for me? Any way of redeeming myself? I want to go back to the field I graduated in, as I feel like I've kind of lost my way since then and I was a lot happier in that field. I'm just worried no one will give me a chance.

Your post really resonated with me. What I really hear when I read your words is how much you're learning about yourself. What you like and what you don't like, what you're good at and what makes you happy. As far as absences and issues with your previous role go, most employers will only limit themselves to confirming job title and length of service in references, even if they're asked for more. Take the time to reflect on what you've learned about yourself and think how you can communicate this to potential employers. Career is a squiggle in the modern world, not a straight line and if you've had false starts, just embrace what this has taught you about who you are and what is important to you. Your cover letter or application is your best friend as you can explain how you tried a different path but this just confirmed what is important to you.

Honestly I don't think people care about gaps in your CV especially when you're starting out. And even then. I had a two jobs over about 20 months when I graduated, quit cos I hated it so much (just wasn't right for me) was "freelance" aka unemployed/doing random jobs for year but luckily getting more and more of "actual" work coming in for a year, then got a job I didn't love for three years and finally found my calling aged 30. People were actually really interested in what I'd done to date - trying things and realising you don't like them is not a crime. It's all about how you spin it! Present yourself as someone who's curious and has agency and you'll be ok. Taking time out for illness is also ok.

I think your biggest challenge is finding a career you love, and that is hard - I know! But set yourself free of the worry of imagining that your record to date somehow will be a black mark against you. It really won't. And hopefully that will put you in a more positive mindset to find your thing.

Agree with others that coaching might help.

My friends and I have often reflected that we wished we had known how to choose a career based on principles and themes rather than subject matter. Do we like working in close teams or alone; do we like short high pressure deadlines or long drawn out complex projects, do we like jobs with a strong social element where relationships are key, or do we like jobs where it's about the results and what's on paper...these are what really matter. So have a think.

Ok - this makes sense.

The fact you enjoy lab work, but not medical sales is down to your personality.

I can imagine that medical sales is hugely stressful. And while the science background is useful, it’s basically just sales. The people I know who went into it were very outgoing, and not the more thoughtful types. Though can imagine lab work is difficult to come by and not highly paid.

it sounds like you’re details orientated. Would you consider a career in academia? Or what about IT? Maybe in a company related to your degree?

what is your post grad in? Maybe finish it, just so it isn’t wasted.

but a couple of years of looking for the right career is totally fine. Lots of people your age end up chucking it in and going travelling.

Oh, if it’s biomed sciences then the gaps aren’t a huge deal. There have been a lot of lab closures and a lot of redundancies in that field. Lots of biomed scientists have gaps in their CV now. Especially since all the Covid testing labs shut down as they hired up so many biomed grads who now don’t have jobs.

You’ll be fine. Retraining isn’t a bad idea, if you’ve found something you love but you can always go back to lab work if you can find something.

At the moment in the UK, I'd say the "science" career market is very challenging. As you've observed, it's either super-competitive fixed term contracts or weird dodgy sales jobs or teaching (which has its own downsides).

I know technicians who are further down the line than you, and honestly a lot of them are looking to jump ship. There's a surplus of people (including international applicants) wanting to get into science and not enough places.

If you look at the job ads for the big science organisations, they're asking for PhDs with coding skills and there's a glut of highly qualified people fighting over each entry job (and not enough progression opportunities).

Can you change your mindset to just getting a graduate or officey job of some sort? (Library, or data analyst?)..Once you're in, do your best. If the people and vibe are nice, stay, if not, go.

Can you relocate to a big city in a low CoL area? This also massively helps as it reduces your outgoings and you can work PT for a bit whilst you consider your options.

I think the mistake some people make is to go for "job satisfaction" or what they feel will suit their personality and interests on paper.

And if you've gone for science, a lot of people exploit the idealism and it can be a giant pyramid scheme.

But really, think about money and conditions and a team full of people you get on with.

It doesn't matter if the company name is Briggs Toilet Paper if you enjoy going in.

I was chatting to a postdoc on a "cool" topic who was leaving for some generic organisation (not Briggs Toilet Paper) his face was really content as he was looking forward to buying a house and having a permanent role.

Could you do nhs lab work? Hospitals have them x x

Well, they do but any vacancies have hundreds of applicants.

I’ll just repeat that retraining is a good idea, unless you can actually get something.

You haven't ruined things at all. People these days change careers many times.

I'm not sure who is telling you these negative things about gaps and not using relatives as references, but ignore them.

Try for a lab work job again.

There's always medical related analyst, information systems, etc. which aren't patient types of jobs but still interesting.

Oh, friend.
Even the smartest, brightest, most successful people have mental health difficulties and suffer from depression.
Don’t you ever think they don’t.
Depression doesn’t care who you are, how much money you make or how many degrees you have or even if you’re the CEO.
Shit happens and it happens to everybody.
Get yourself squared away, be confident in what you have to offer your employer and look towards the future. Don’t look back.
You haven’t ruined anything.
I suffered from depression and lost 30lbs, couldn’t eat or sleep or laugh or really do anything. And then one day the sun came up but my depression didn’t.
I ended up with a great position on a U.S. Senator’s staff by accident and my degree was in English & history. It was pure luck.
it’ll happen for you and no gap in your CV is gonna stop it.
Keep smiling. Believe.

You're fine. I have like 5 gaps on my CV due to mental health reasons. I put volunteering and taking courses during that time (which I actually have done but not during the entire gap) and even put self-employed on one of the gaps.

Sales! 🥵
You could look at R&D roles in pharma - clinical research, regulatory affairs, pharmacovigilance - not lab work, but definitely not sales. Would likely have a level of stress of working to deadlines but not selling anything.

At your age, you’re really overthinking it. Most employers will not bat an eyelid if you seem like a suitable fit.

You have the family member to put down on your cv I think that’s fine
what course you doing?
how old are you?

with a confident approach you can wow anyone - you just need some coaching in interviews and some confidence

if it helps i had about 20 jobs until i was 28 then i had a longer job which i left to study a foundation degree where i was told i was academic! It was a struggle and I nearly failed the year. I transferred to a uni course i was passionate about and started getting 2:1 and 1st’ams on assignments I completed the degree and have been in the role for 8 years and am seen as quite successful at work. Im now 43 so it took a while. And yes there’s a high possibility I am ND too as I struggle when im not interested or excited about something. So find a role that will make you tick and you enjoy. I get the feeling you’re still quite young so you may just need to keep exploring. Well done for carrying on and trying that’s more than a lot of people do

I think there are huge recruitment issues in the NHS so anything healthcare/health science related would no doubt be in high demand. Do not worry about the attendance at your last role. It was health related so unlikely to either count against you, or be raised in your reference. References are by and large either tombstone (dates of employment only) or positive I think. No-one gets off writing negative things about people who had a health problem in the recruitment process. (I hope!)
As for your degree, is it too late to switch courses? I can't say tbh on that one really. Quit if you hate it I guess.

https://niwater.getgotjobs.co.uk/registerJob/47408266-f682-426e-9da5-207e87c9c5b6

Absolutely this. It's not weird at all, but you can always put a spin on a flakey few months or years, to make it sound like a positive.

FWIW, I had a very similar CV in my 20s - short contracts, jobs I hated, periods of travelling... never stopped me getting a job (even in a tougher job market), and the career I ended up in, though unexpected, is pretty okay. Found an employer who is nice to work for, and have happily been there 7 years so far.

Well you know you enjoyed and were good at the science technician role so I think you should look for something like that again. Avoid office-based sales roles because you know that is not what you enjoy. Your current course seems to emphasise that you excel at studying, even though you don't want to make healthcare a career (perhaps you can reframe the course as an opportunity to see how your previous studies and experience might translate to practical situations). I think, if it's not making you unwell, it would be sensible to carry on with your course while job-hunting. There might be an interim qualification you can achieve or even 'points' you can bank for the future. You have many more years of work ahead and are eminently employable.

What kind of microbiology, OP?
I work with virologist, parasitologist, bacteria expert.
I feel pretty sure your lack of confidence is the biggest barrier you face.

Sales is an entirely different environment- there’s much more you can do with your degree. I’m a microbiologist (lecturer) and my husbands in scientific sales. Have you looked at industry labs for permanent technician roles or universities often employ permanent technicians to help prep/ run practical classes? Or if you like the healthcare aspect considered the NHS STP scheme? I wouldn’t be phased by looking at a CV and seeing you’ve tried a few different things.

Try not to stress about it too much. I am in my thirties and now have a career that I'm doing pretty well in. I can see that the juniors in my job in their twenties look at me and think I just followed this linear path, but my career history is all over the place of me trying different industries in my twenties (they just don't know it- I've removed a lot of that early stuff from my CV now that I've settled into an area I love and am climbing in)
There's nothing wrong with trying things and realising they're not for you.

As for what you should do next re the course, I really know nothing about your field or the jobs available so will leave that to others to comment

Lots of people have a CV like that in their 20s/30s, including me. You learn to fill those gaps with travel, volunteering, study, self-employment (real or imaginary). No one expects you to stick to the choices you made at 17/18! (Not in the UK anyway, I know they do in some other countries.) And some workplaces are just really bad for your wellbeing - the first time you work somewhere like that it can take a while to figure out it's not you, it's them.

You should definitely put the volunteering on your CV. Lots of people of working age volunteer because they're not quite ready for a job, for one reason or another. I used to manage volunteers in a more formal structure and would regularly give references. I wouldn't worry about your family member having the same surname, but if it makes you feel better you could ask someone from your current course to be a reference?

This!

Hi there I would say definitely look into being tested for neuro divergence. It took me 5 attempts to get a university degree, I finally got there at 45. I wish I had known about my neuro diversity sooner. It explained so much. I ended up with a first class degree from a prestigious university. However when I started working there were a few fast paced areas I couldn't cope with. I was making mistakes and it was affecting my mental health too. So I went to occupational health and asked to be moved to an area which is more suited to my brain. I love my job now and I am getting excellent feedback. My neuro diversity is still there however I cope well. Sometimes I feel like I am a cat climbing up the tree with 3 legs. The 4th leg would be nice but not essential. I no longer beat myself up. No one will give me the 4th leg and I know there's a valid reason why I am not as good at multi tasking as other people. (I have a weakness in my short term memory due to dyspraxia with some features of dyslexia). If you end up being tested, your tester should also point you towards resources to help you cope better. Finally you mention you tried therapy and meditation to cope with anxiety. At some point my anxiety was sky high, especially when I was fighting to stay on the uni course prior to my diagnosis. What helped me massively at the time was chanting a Buddhist mantra Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo. You can get more info on the pronunciation and meaning at SGI UK website. I would always feel better and in more control after chanting for 20 minutes. I hope it helps

If you enjoy lab work look into the civil service. They have labs and are always looking for staff.. Entry level so would be lab based, but after a few months you'll be able to apply for internal jobs, and with your background you'll do great. It's a very nuturing place to work. The only issue is it's not very well paid, and would barely cover rent, food and car in London /south east. Most single people house share, or share with a better paid partner. Might be a stepping stone to something though, the civil sevice is huge and so many directions to go, and good for getting your confidence back in the workplace. Just google the type of application form and interview system they use, the STAR system, before you apply. You may as well finish the course you are on. What is it? If it's only one year you have done half of it already. If it's longer, I'd still see the year out and apply for jobs alongside it.

Sorry for the delay in replying, but I wanted to come back to say thank you to everyone for their replies. I can't even begin to tell you how much they've helped me, I was in a really depressed and anxious state for the last few weeks worrying about my career and feeling really stuck. Things now seem lighter.

I've decided to leave my course as staying on it was only delaying the inevitable and was putting me in more student debt for a course I knew I wouldn't use and was really disliking.

I'm now looking into my options, and have applied to several jobs. I'm also considering doing a master's in September, to get me back into Microbiology/lab work although at the moment that's a last resort as I'd have to pay out of pocket for it as I've already had a master's loan.