To think I've completely ruined my career

[itsoverat29]

I think I may have ruined my career before it's even started, and I feel like it's going to be impossible to get it back on track. I don't know if I'm catastrophising or just being realistic.

I did an undergraduate degree followed by a master's and graduated in 2019. Then COVID kicked off and I couldn't find a job, I finally got a job but had to wait a few months to start so ended up having a year between finishing my master's and starting my new job. I worked there for 6 months and really enjoyed it and had good mental health and no issues, but it was a fixed-term contract so I needed something more stable. I got a job, where I worked for 18 months. I hated it, it destroyed my mental health and I ended up taking 2 months off sick (signed off by my GP), as well as lots of sporadic absences due to anxiety and depression. My attendance was awful. I finally decided to quit, have a few months off over the summer and then go back to university to retrain which I started last September. I really dislike the course and want to leave. I've been trying my absolute best and getting good grades, but I know it's not the right path for me.

I'm really worried as I feel like I'll never be able to get a job due to having so many gaps in my CV and my last job having poor attendance records. I have really struggled with my mental health the last few years, and seem to burn out quickly. I have been considering whether I'm neurodivergent.

Is there any hope for me? Any way of redeeming myself? I want to go back to the field I graduated in, as I feel like I've kind of lost my way since then and I was a lot happier in that field. I'm just worried no one will give me a chance.

OP, you can’t possibly know that no one will give you a chance unless you apply for those roles. You’re young- it’s ok to explore other options. Easy to explain.

Why does everyone think they're ND when they hit a bump in the road? Admittedly it doesn't look great, lots of absences and time off with time between jobs in the space of 3/4 years isn't stellar

Could you tell us what field this is, your first degree and second?

If it makes you feel any better I'm 37 and it's really only in the last few years that my CV looks decent. I did a number of jobs after I graduated that were not in my field and look like I couldn't get a job in my chosen area ( I couldn't was too scared to even apply)

I would carefully taylor your CV to make all you jobs and degrees as relevant as possible to your chosen path. Were possible blame interruption of the pandemic, maybe even making you rethink your career etc etc but don't lie obviously.

Can you do any retraining, or short course or volunteering in your chosen career that is more recent then your previous job? Can you apply your latest career interest to your old career? E.g. you were exploring a new avenue but still interested in original work?

most of us will work for decades - a year or 2 or 3 won’t matter too much over 40 years - think you might be panicking too much. Find something, try to stay for 1-2 years before you move again, and just keep going.

It sounds a little like you just need to toughen up. I know we’re all meant to be woke, but really… toughen up. Bottom line is that you need a job to support yourself. You sound well qualified, smart, driven, knowledgeable about what you want and how to get there… you’ve done the hard work, you got the degree and put yourself out there after Covid (which was very hard for a lot of young people) but you did it. You’ve got the brain and skills and attitude and determination to succeed by the sounds of it… so, use all those skills. Get tough, find some things you love outside of work to help you balance. Don’t make your life about work because that’s what kills you. Help your mental health by having an active life outside of work, something physical, something creative… just something you love. But stop running from job to job because of “mental health” because, as understanding as employers say they are, they won’t actually put up with it for long.

Out of interest which field is it?

For a foot in the door, try Civil Service. Numerous career options and they don’t give a shit about gaps just your experience and how well you answer the questions.

At this point you may benefit from:

• therapy/counseling
• a career coach
• some kind of not too demanding job - ideally but not necessarily related to your field - to tide you over while you make a plan for your future.

You will have a future. You just don't know yet what it is and where it will lead you.

It’s hard to really know without knowing what field you are/were in but I would think you need to work on selling yourself at interview to explain why your career to date has been a bit erratic and why you think you are now suited to this field and will stick it out. You might get a few knock backs but if you can tough it out and be persistent it’ll hopefully pay off. You could consider some coaching/interview courses also.

Look at the parts you liked in the job you were excelling at and what you didn’t like in the other role. Use that experience to choose the right job next time - they’re not just interviewing you, you’re interviewing them.

Get a job asap - temping is fine. You can also say on a cv fixed term contract came to an end. Job 2 wasn’t the direction you wanted to go in and so you took some time out to consider options. Etc.

in the nicest way possible, get a grip and get a job. You’ve had a setback in one job you didn’t like. Not sure that’s a reason to self diagnose nd but it seems to be a badge/excuse everyone wants these days rather than accepting life doesn’t always go to plan. It undermines the struggles of those who are nd.

Thank you all. I know I need to toughen up, but it's only since 2021 that my mental health has been really bad and I've tried therapy and several types of medication to help me but it hasn't helped much. I think my previous job was just a really poor fit, a very fast-paced and stressful work environment and not the right environment for me and it really negatively impacted me. My attempts at toughening up and sticking at the job and not giving up are what led to me needing to be signed off sick.

I've volunteered at a family member's small business during my CV gaps so I could put that on my CV too but I don't think I can list them as a reference as they're family.

Do you think I should stick at my course to complete the academic year or leave now?

The questioning of neurodivergence isn't just something I've jumped at because of my career, it's something I've been thinking about for several years due to lots of factors but never wanted to pursue investigating. I have 3 autistic family members in my immediate family, I'm not just jumping at it as an excuse or explanation with no background knowledge

OP, as an employer I wouldn't look at your CV and see disaster.

I'd see:

• Graduated into covid. All the grads I work with - your peers - struggled to find work as a result.
• Had 2 jobs, 1 x 6 months, 1 x 18 months. I wouldn't know unless you're former employer told me that you'd been off sick loads. Lots of new jobs won't ask/won't be told.
• Went to uni to retrain. Didn't work out - so what? Just get your story straight about why, and how you realised you'd get back on track with another job/career/path etc.
• The small gap between the 18 month job and retraining I'd either paper over, or say (if asked) you went travelling or something, as it only sounds like it was a very short period of time?

This isn't the disaster you've imagined into being. People have jobs, people leave jobs, people start training, people don't finish the training.

What matters is getting your head straight, developing more resilience (life is always going to be up and down, it's shit but it's also true for us all), and creating a narrative for future employers that feels coherent.

Some good advice on here about looking at what you did like, were good at, and focusing on that in terms of future development. You can do it!

Best of luck x

Imo, your twenties are for finding out who you are and what you want. I know people who went straight from uni into 'dream' jobs and left five years later to go travelling for a year because they were so jaded and bored. That could also create a tough re-entry into the job market but I bet they don't regret it.

I know someone who dropped out of three different unis, on three different courses - hated them all, made no friends, got anxiety and depression. Applied a fourth time, loved the course, made friends and is now employed in that field, having been made four job offers. Not ND, just young, making lots of mistakes in their twenties. It;s allowed.

Might there be any openings in the place you worked at first and enjoyed? You could just let them know you are back on the job market and always enjoyed working there.

You could take a low pressure job for a few months and work out what you might enjoy. You don't have to prefer high pressure roles.

Honestly you sound a bit lost, but your CV doesn’t look too dissimilar to others I’ve known. The job market these days is tough with people overworking and burning out quickly.

have you thought about career coaching? Young Women’s Trust work with women under 30 and have a free coaching service to help you work it out. I used them when I felt at a crossroads career wise and they really helped!

https://www.youngwomenstrust.org/get-support/coaching/

Could you be getting involved in careers that are too high pressured?

Perhaps get a job in a similar field but at a lower position, so you can work your way up.

I trained to be a teacher but even though I enjoyed it, it was way too much for me and made me ill.
So I’ve taken a much less stressful role and in a couple of years when my DC are older I will think about rejoining.

Its ok to take a step back and go at a slower pace and for less money, if it means you can actually cope and keep your MH in tact.

If you burn out, which you have been doing, you’ll get nowhere.

I’d try and find a job similar to the one you enjoyed.

What is the course you are taking? Are there any other jump off points?

Even if not technically useful to your career it looks better to say you decided to upskill and completed a certificate or diploma in xx which helped you to focus on the areas at which you excel/enjoy (these might be previous career).

See if you can take something out of it even if it's not the full qualification and sell it as a self development thing.

It might be easier to force yourself to an end point once you take the pressure off 'this has to be it and I have to love it'.

Do you think I should stick at my course to complete the academic year or leave now?

Can't answer that without knowing what the old and new fields are.

Thank you all, your comments have really helped me. I've been in such a panic that I've made mistake after mistake, and feel like no one would hire me based on my history/CV.

My original degree and master's are in Microbiology, my 6 month job was as a science technician which I really enjoyed (but was temporary, and has now closed down), and then the 18 months was an office job in medical/pharmaceutical sales (so somewhat related to my background but an entirely different setting). It was high pressured and I just didn't fit.

I'm retraining for a healthcare role as I knew I wanted to be in healthcare, but I'm regretting it now and realising that I'm probably not suited to a patient-facing job. I'm wanting to get back into Microbiology

I was all ready to tell you to get any job until I saw the degree that you did.

know someone that took the same course as you and really struggled. I'm not sure it's you as much as the field you're working in. The jobs are quite badly paid at the lower levels and the ones that are, are basically soul destroying corporate jobs.

I wonder if you've considered academia? You clearly enjoy the cut and thrust of the academic world and passionate about the subject.

If you are ND, it may be helpful to get a diagnosis so that you can understand yourself, and access support. I have been treated for depression and anxiety in the past, but it never seemed to help whereas now I know it was actually symptoms related to ADHD, I can actually manage it much better.

I have worked in healthcare my whole adult life. I job hopped all through my twenties, big gaps and long periods off for travelling. Then something changed for me 7 years ago when I hit 30, I settled down into a nurse practitioner role, completed a Masters and now have a really satisfying career. I've also had some time off for mental health issues (anxiety and burnout) had counselling and went back to work. None of this has negatively affected my career progression. It's just life stuff.

If you've decided you don't want to be patient facing and this course isn't helpful to you I'm not sure I would finish the academic year unless you stand to gain a useful certification from it. I'm sure microbiology technician posts come up from time to time?

Agree with previous posters that this is not the disaster that you have imagined it to be. You've graduated at a really difficult time and a lot of people have similarly struggled. Dust yourself off, maybe get some therapy for the mental health stuff and have a look at how you can feasibly get back into your microbiology career.

Ah, well, that makes a lot of sense and actually I think there is an easily understandable narrative to your study/work history. I wouldn't worry about explaining that to employers.

Sales is ruthless and not for the faint hearted. You won't be the first or last person who tried a sales job related to their technical profession and realised sales was not a good fit for them.

Seriously don't sweat that. The fact that a sales job made you ill does not define you or limit your future. It takes a very particular type of person to thrive in sales.

In terms of your healthcare studies, that's not my field but think about a) whether you can use it as a launching point for a less patient facing role and b) whether you can make patient facing work for you (because it's different to sales).

And don't make big decisions whilst panicking or feeling low. I think you're being too hard on yourself right now.

I don't think it looks weird. You graduated from your masters. Its was Covid so it took a bit to get a job. No red flags here.
6 month fixed term completed
18 months completed
Summer off 'travelling' whilst waiting for your current course to start.
The only weird bit is starting a course then leaving it but that really isn't a big red flag on its own.

I think it’s a positive , you know now what you truly want to do ( I would absolutely hate a job in sales ) you definitely can put down the volunteer job down . You found a job you loved , so hopefully another one will come up .

I don’t think you have ruined anything . A lot of people never find their vocation .

Honestly, it’s fine. It really is.