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Original poster

Colleague making life hard

26 replies

Rachel1509 · 04/02/2024 16:10

Hi all,
For context I work in senior managerial position in finance.

A colleague, let’s call her Jayne, joined the team around 6 months ago. At first I got on well with her, even though we had a lot of formal complaints made against her by other colleagues and by clients for rude and bullying behaviour. This has lead to some of her responsibilities being taken off her so that she doesn’t work with the colleagues/client that have complained and given to me. I’m not over joyed by this but will do what’s needed.
However she has, on several occasions, seriously undermined me by taking areas of responsibility that are mine (and have always been mine!) and taking a lead on them. She has meeting with my clients behind my back, totally without me knowing and basically just cutting me out. She frequently talks badly about me to other staff. In meetings she sighs or rolls her eyes if I even speak or suggest anything. This feels like it’s getting worse and despite all the complaints her behaviour towards others is allowed to continue by our bosses. I just want to do my job to the best of my ability.

There are other positions with other companies nearby - am I being unreasonable to cut my losses and apply for other positions? Or am I being sensitive? I’ve always been good at my job but she’s seriously destroying my confidence and making it an unpleasant workplace. I feel full of dread as to what she will do next - she is a very sly and underhand person and I don’t feel that she will ever change.

OP posts:
Scarletttulips · 04/02/2024 16:13

Have you spoken to your bosses? Made a complaint? Pulled her up on it?

I would speak to a colleague and seek their opinion.

Inwould also keep a diary of issues dates/times that she’s doing this - plus any witnesses. You either need to build a case or move.

Spirallingdownwards · 04/02/2024 16:16

If other colleagues have complained and no longer have to work with her why don't you complain too.and hopefully the company will extend the same courtesy to you.

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 04/02/2024 16:19

Why are you not complaining too?

What are they going to do - keep Jane and lose all other staff?

Tenero2311 · 04/02/2024 16:22

I wouldn’t let her push you out, it’s her with the bad attitude, she needs reminding of her role , and to stay in her lane. Sounds a nightmare . Definitely raise a complaint or she will continue.

jeaux90 · 04/02/2024 16:22

I would go straight to my manager and HR on this.

I'm a senior in my job in tech and I would not be tolerating this at all.

I'm assuming that apart from the passive aggressive behaviour you have evidence of her undermining you.

FloofCloud · 04/02/2024 16:24

Absolutely complain!

Original poster
Rachel1509 · 04/02/2024 16:26

I guess the reason I haven’t complained is that it hasn’t made any difference for others. Yes they don’t have to work directly with her but she tends to ramp up the talking badly behind their back, nasty looks ect.
Also they’re not on the same team, whereas we are so we’d have to continue to work alongside each other anyway and I feel like a formal complaint would only make things worse.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rachel1509 · 04/02/2024 16:28

I’ve also become a bit disenchanted with the company as they continue to allow her to do this. If it was just her then I might be shrug it off and focus on myself but the fact our superiors are seemingly allowing it make me feel that maybe our values are not aligned.

OP posts:
Original poster
Rachel1509 · 04/02/2024 16:30

Also, 3 other very good members of staff have left because of her. The company knew the reasons and didn’t try and stop them leaving. This makes me think that they will continue to side with her.

OP posts:
ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 04/02/2024 16:30

If you are at the point of leaving anyway due to her, a compliant is definitely work it.

A senior manager who never gave them any hassle makes her first compliant ever about the lady will numerous compliant clocked up against her in a very short space of time.

Eyesopenwideawake · 04/02/2024 16:31

How long have you been with your company?

What happens if there's another Jayne at the new job?

(Nicely) you need to stand up to her. Call her out on the eye rolling and nasty looks. Report the gossiping and unprofessional behaviour each and every time. Let the company know that she is damaging their reputation and that she will cause them to lose valuable staff if this situation is allowed to carry on.

jeaux90 · 04/02/2024 16:32

Definitely HR OP then. Explain the situation really clearly like you have here.

HR are predominantly there to protect the company if I'm honest which works in your favour.

I'd assume they would also want to know you are a flight risk because of it. If they value you then they will do something if they do nothing then you have your answer and look for a new company.

Original poster
Rachel1509 · 04/02/2024 16:38

I’ve been with this company for just over 13 years.
Thank you for all of your advice. I’ve got such bad anxiety over it all that it feels overwhelming and you’ve really helped put it into context.

OP posts:
KrisAkabusi · 04/02/2024 16:56

How have you gone through all this without saying to her "I'm in charge of those clients, it's not appropriate for you to meet them without me"? If you let people walk all over you, they will.

dearymcdearface · 04/02/2024 18:12

Rachel1509 · 04/02/2024 16:38

I’ve been with this company for just over 13 years.
Thank you for all of your advice. I’ve got such bad anxiety over it all that it feels overwhelming and you’ve really helped put it into context.

You are avoiding the questions what you yourself have actually done to stand up to her?

PoshHorseyBird · 04/02/2024 18:25

Would it be worth, next time she starts eye rolling and huffing in a meeting, turning to her with a big smile and saying loudly "I'm sorry is there something you want to say?"
She sounds like a bully. If you're thinking about leaving you might as well call her out on it.

dearymcdearface · 04/02/2024 18:28

There is no way in hell I would stay quiet if someone rolled their eyes at me in a meeting. Why are you?

StockpotSoup · 04/02/2024 18:28

I would make it clear that you are looking to leave, and link that to the other exits. Ask them whether they genuinely believe a) it’s a coincidence that so many people have left and b) that Jayne is great and everyone else is useless - because they are in serious danger of her being their own team member.

Gazelda · 04/02/2024 18:33

I don't understand why you've neither addressed this with her, or raised it with your manager or HR.

Surely that would be a more professional approach rather than giving up and moving job?

I get that it must be wearing and dispiriting to see her behaviour seemingly condoned. But if you've got nothing to lose by speaking up. But it could be final piece of the jigsaw that sees her off.

LlynTegid · 04/02/2024 18:38

Does Jayne know something about some fraud or other behaviour by a senior manager that is being kept quiet? Or in a relationship with one of them?

Please go to HR about this. Though worth having a plan B if it gets nowhere. I assume there are too many clients left such that you could not ask them to complain so there are none left who will accept her.

dapsnotplimsolls · 04/02/2024 18:42

Is she related to one of the bosses? How is she getting away with this?

PonyPatter44 · 04/02/2024 18:58

I recently did some training around dealing with microaggressions (which includes big sighs, eye-rolls, etc). The trainer told us that the hardest part for most people is speaking up the first time, because you think, "it's only a sigh / eye roll, and I will look like a petty bitch". But, in actual fact, most people hate the behaviour as well and will be glad you spoke out.

Find your courage and challenge her openly, preferably as soon as the microaggression occurs. Other people will see that you as a senior leader aren't tolerating her behaviour, and will find their own courage.

Original poster
Rachel1509 · 04/02/2024 21:58

Hi all,
Thank you for all of your suggestions - I do need to be more assertive and challenge her.

For those asking if she knows something or related to someone - it certainly feels like that! Everyone treads on eggshells around her

OP posts:
IMustDoMoreExercise · 04/02/2024 22:06

Rachel1509 · 04/02/2024 21:58

Hi all,
Thank you for all of your suggestions - I do need to be more assertive and challenge her.

For those asking if she knows something or related to someone - it certainly feels like that! Everyone treads on eggshells around her

In which case, I would look for another job as being assertive is not going to help you and will probably make your life more miserable.

Eyesopenwideawake · 04/02/2024 22:17

Rachel1509 · 04/02/2024 21:58

Hi all,
Thank you for all of your suggestions - I do need to be more assertive and challenge her.

For those asking if she knows something or related to someone - it certainly feels like that! Everyone treads on eggshells around her

Hmmm. Maybe do some digging on SM? If she is being protected by someone high up in the company (unlikely but you never know) then you could have a case for constructive dismissal.

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