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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’m I being silly?

18 replies

Bemma22 · 04/02/2024 15:42

Hi I’m new here and just looking for some advice please on mother in law issues

I’ve had some issues with my mother in law when it comes to being overbearing with my children she’s is a lovely person but sometimes she can be annoying when it comes to my kids when my little was newborn she would want to do everything change feed everything which I was fine with as she just being a grandma but there has been quite a few Situations were have had to messaged her or get my partner to speak to her 1st it was about religious stuff as found she was pushing religion 2nd would be passing my newborn around without asking and the finally it would be taking my baby out of my arms when I’m holding her since my husband has had a talk with her she has stopped all those things and it been great I’ve let her be a grandma and spending with the the children but lately I’ve found when I hold my arms out to my baby to take her or if I say to my baby are you coming to hint give her back she would just wait until I take her out of her arms not put her out to give her to me which annoys me but I don’t want it to seem I’m having a go at her again as I do want are relationship to be good this is why I want to get advice to see if I’m being silly because of the things in the past or should I say something? Sorry for long post x

OP posts:
0rangeCrush · 04/02/2024 15:45

I’m out of breath trying to read that. Am I right in thinking of you are best to confront an issue with MIL? If so, yes, bring it up. Not sure what all the backstory is about; found it hard to read due to the lack of punctuation, sorry.

VickyEadieofThigh · 04/02/2024 15:47

I also found that unpunctuated paragraph hard to read.

HiDeDi · 04/02/2024 15:47

Some punctuation would help

Ponoka7 · 04/02/2024 15:48

Just ask for your baby back. Something nicley put. You are allowed to directly talk to her.

Createausername1970 · 04/02/2024 15:49

Maybe don't hint. Just say "I will take baby now, thank-you"

GalileoHumpkins · 04/02/2024 15:51

Stop hinting and just say what you mean. Also, full stops are your friend, period.

Original poster
Bemma22 · 04/02/2024 15:56

Sorry about the writing my phone screen is cracked so typing on it is hard

I’m basically saying my mother in law waits for me to take her out of her arms for me to have the baby when I hold my arms out and saying to her are you coming to mumma she won’t had her over she just looks at the baby to see if she put her arms out (she 8 months) so she can’t so then I would take her out of my mother in laws arms which I find annoying or I’m I overreacting
thankyou x

OP posts:
0rangeCrush · 04/02/2024 16:00

Bemma22 · 04/02/2024 15:56

Sorry about the writing my phone screen is cracked so typing on it is hard

I’m basically saying my mother in law waits for me to take her out of her arms for me to have the baby when I hold my arms out and saying to her are you coming to mumma she won’t had her over she just looks at the baby to see if she put her arms out (she 8 months) so she can’t so then I would take her out of my mother in laws arms which I find annoying or I’m I overreacting
thankyou x

Why don’t you just say “can I have her back now?” Or even “I want her back now” - I don’t think walking within the room to collect your own child is a hardship, tbh.

TeenLifeMum · 04/02/2024 16:00

Being a mil must be so bloody hard. She’s cuddling her grand child and you want baby back? Just use your words.

5128gap · 04/02/2024 16:08

I was happy for my MiL to be hands on and my DiL is the same with me. I don't tend to understand some of the more possessive and territorial mums you get on here at times. But from your post, that isn't you. You seem very generous with your MiL. She on the other hand is breaking the one rule you never should, which is when a parent reaches for their child, you hand them over. Your DH needs to make it clear that's a boundary never to cross.

Februaryfeels · 04/02/2024 16:12

Just say "I'll take her now"

Xoxoxoxoxoxox · 04/02/2024 16:17

Yes it sounds like a bit of mis communication. Maybe she's anxious about dropping her or something else going on?

..and the finally it would be taking my baby out of my arms when I’m holding her..

... but lately I’ve found when I hold my arms out to my baby to take her or if I say to my baby are you coming to hint give her back she would just wait until I take her out of her arms not put her out to give her to me which annoys me...

Original poster
Bemma22 · 04/02/2024 16:20

Thankyou for your advice my mother in law is Muslim so in the culture they want to be hands on with their grandchildren which I let her get on with. If she wants to feed the baby I let her. If she wants to hold the baby no problem. It just when I hold my arms out for my mother in law to give baby back she just waits to see if little one put her arms out to me (she 8 months) so she can’t so then I have to just take her from her arms
would that annoy anyone else?
like I said I just wanted some advice (no bashing) to see if it is me being silly as I don’t want to bring it up to her if it is just me being stupid

OP posts:
olympicsrock · 04/02/2024 16:25

You have been too generous . She is your baby.
DH needs to say to her that he has noticed that she won’t hand the baby over when you ask. If she can’t behave properly she won’t be able to hold baby.

Just say . I’m going to take baby now. Please hand her to me. Then there can be no doubt. If she doesn’t, then you say “Silly granny! She’s forgot the rules again. Then you take your baby and say Thank you!

Wednesdaysphiltrum · 04/02/2024 18:47

No need for posters to pretend they couldn’t understand. Fuck sake.

OP. She’s got form for being domineering and she knows you’re meek and will take it. You’re either going to have to speak up and say “give her back to me now, MIL,” or speak to your H again and get him to.

Also there’s a trend for worried posters on here to add “which I’m fine with” after a list of unreasonable behaviour by someone, so they don’t get laid into by the thread responders. It’s ok not to be fine with your MIL demanding to do everything for your newborn, because it’s not fine. It’s overbearing behaviour. She only gets wherever access you allow.

Don't be afraid to upset rude people. Dont worry about what rude people think of you.

Original poster
Bemma22 · 04/02/2024 19:58

do I have a chat with her next time or just say give the baby back as I don’t want to cause conflict between her and my husband (her son)

Thankyou for all your advice 😊

OP posts:
LenaLamont · 04/02/2024 20:00

Use your words.

Februaryfeels · 04/02/2024 20:25

Bemma22 · 04/02/2024 19:58

do I have a chat with her next time or just say give the baby back as I don’t want to cause conflict between her and my husband (her son)

Thankyou for all your advice 😊

Just say "right, come to mummy" and take the baby from her

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