I’m mid 40s with two lovely daughters, one has physical disabilities. Before Christmas I met up with my father, for the first time in 5 years. He hadn’t asked about me or my kids in all of that time. But he had sent the odd present, text and also a yearly letter which he sends to everyone, with news of himself, his wife and his second family.
He isn’t a terrible person, but he left when I was very young and I saw very little of him. Twice a year on average. He was quite a domineering, charismatic person and as a child I had to be quite obedient so he didn’t really get to know me and we had no real bond. He was happy with this and I think thought he was a good father as he took me out to shows and nice things when I did see him.
Anyway he met a new wife, much younger and had a second family. For a long while I took an even more distant role in his life as he was much more hands on with his second family. In some ways this was nice as I got involved and helped babysit etc and thought I had a bond with my half sister. I put most of the effort in as an adult.
Then I had my child with disabilities and I just had less time. This coincided with my half sister becoming an adult herself. Her and my step mum are extremely close and there was a definite shift, they just didn’t like me being around. I invited them all for Xmas, first time ever that my father came which was great, he was around his grandchildren. But his wife and my half sister refused to come. After that, my half sister got married and did not invite me, but invited my Dads sisters, our aunts instead.
Wow sorry this is long! It’s gone downhill since then. Very little contact after that from my Dad and he’s also been cross if I haven’t visited enough, or sent him presents, like a ‘tick box’ relationship. I’ve found it more difficult to visit but always kept in contact, like emails and he usually he doesn’t reply.