To leave university :(

[northernmamax]

I'm a student nurse. 27 years old. 2 young children - DD 2 years old, DS 5 years old with SEN (pathway for asd/adhd).

As part of my course I have to complete full time hours on clinical placement in the hospital, the course requires me to complete 2,300 as part of my registration to become a nurse.

I'm in my 3rd year and have come so far, but I already owe 500 hours due to my sons needs (having to miss placement as he won't leave the house and go to school, or coming home early due to the children being ill all the time as they are at this age. My son has started a specialist provision which he is really enjoying, and has started to engage in going to school everyday and getting into a nice little routine) but I fear the damage has already been done in regards to my course and hours and it's something that just isn't feasible for me to correct if this makes sense.

My partner works full time as a manager at residential childrens home and he pays all the bills so his job is really important as I don't get an income from my placement (I get the lowest student loan every 3 months or so which is about £1,200) I must stress that I work full time hours as part of this course on top of exams and assignments so it would be impossible for me to pick up any work from elsewhere to keep me comfortable as I carry on doing the course.

To make up my lost hours before I can qualify, I'm going to be working up to 48 hrs a week pretty much for a good few months with no income at all as my loans will stop when the course is officially finished and after lots of thought I just cannot justify it to myself. Home life is already so stressful with the children and partners work. I've totally fell out of love with nursing and with the lack of support from the university, I'm feeling defeated.

I've came so far, but where do you draw the line and just admit that it's not suitable for you and your family anymore?

If I quit, I would either join the bank where I can pick my own shifts as a healthcare assistant or find a job that fits around my family life. I'm at a point in my life where I'm thinking is it really worth it just to have a degree and be a nurse? I can't justify it to myself anymore. My mental health is truly in the gutter with it all.

AIBU??? Quite long winded - hope this makes sense!

Oh man, your third year? There has to be another way.

I get that the university are not being helpful, though obviously I'd hope that you are talking to them.

What does your practice educator/preceptor say (sorry I don't know the correct term in nursing)?

Is there an option to make up your placement hours part time while earning at least a bit of money doing HCA shifts alongside?

48 hours a week (ouch) means you'd make up the missing 500 in 10.5 weeks. Horrible but it would be over quite quickly? Or do you think you're going to have a whole load more missed hours by then?

You could ask about taking a break in studies. Most courses allow up to a year off. There's a risk you may not return but you've had such a lot on and may just need some time away from it.

Is there any way you could defer a year, and use that year to work bank and make up the 500 hours? It would take the pressure off and then you could push through to the finish?

I'm really sorry to hear this. I work in a uni and we try really hard to support students at risk of dropping out so close to the finish line. Have you tried speaking to all the different welfare people in the university (personal tutor, counselling service, student union, accessibility people)? Quite often universities have hardship funds and bursaries available which could help you to make it to the end of the degree.

Have a look at section 8. It talks about extending funding for studies where there has been a disruption to studies and includes additional caring responsibilities as an acceptable reason.
https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/learning-support-fund-7th-edition-2023-to-2024/nhs-financial-support-for-health-students-7th-edition-nhs-learning-support-fund#changes-in-circumstances

I really sympathise. You have done so well.

To help you analyse your position a bit objectively can I suggest you think about these things:

You have said you have fallen out of love with nursing. Fair enough. But is it largely to do with the pressure you are under in trying to complete your degree? And the lack of support from uni?

Your salary, and your pension benefits, will be far superior as a nurse than as a HCA. And there is career progression if you want it. My oldest friend is aged 57 and will retire shortly from her career as a nurse. She got to Band 8. Is on a very nice salary and has a great pension to look forward to. She was a single mother of 4 children for most of her working life. Not easy at all. But she has had a rewarding career and is financially secure. It’s worth looking at short term pain for the longer term benefits.

Do you think your mental health would improve once the stresses of this qualifying period are over? Many worthwhile and remunerative jobs involve a degree of pressure and stress. What strategies have you engaged in to help manage your wellbeing? I am not asking you to tell us, just to think about whether there are things you might do. And whether job security and a decent wage as a qualified nurse might assist your sense of wellbeing.

Finally, but really really importantly, you said partner, not husband. Your partner obviously has a decent income and some degree of job security. You as a bank HCA will have none of that. In the event you were to separate you will be very financially vulnerable. You are still very young. However good your relationship, you cannot be sure it will endure.

I would suggest you think about any way you can ease the immediate burdens upon you to enable you to qualify. Even if then you go part time or even take a short break.

All that said, of course you are not unreasonable in leaving uni if your view is that your welfare and that if your children require it.

All good wishes to you.

Yes, just aim to qualify for now, one way or the other.

@marmaladeandpeanutbutter Kind of summed up what I was trying to say. Just try to get yourself qualified. Then sort out the landscape of your future working life after.

Hi there. You’re so close to the finish line it would be a real shame to quit now.
Do you think you’ve fallen out of love with nursing because of the stress you’re under?
I am in no way comparing the level of stress and work here but more the feelings.
A few years ago I took on a foundation degree (classed as full time) while working full time and raising 2 ND kids.Along the way I was hit with teen pregnancy and DM being diagnosed with leukaemia. I came close to quitting twice. I’m so glad I didn’t. It took me a year longer than everyone else on the course but I got there and I’m so glad I did it.
It’s only down to my tutor that I got there. Is there anyone at uni you can talk to about a way for you to finish without putting in 48 hours a week?

I second this. The uni I work in has a money advice team and student support team which specifically supports students who are thinking of leaving.

Can you take any kind of interruption to your study so you can take a year working your hours back?

Talk to your tutor or course team. Trust me, you won't be the only one who has been down on the nmc hours. They will be able to make some suggestions how to navigate through this without burning out.

Don’t quit now! This is entirely surmountable.
It’s only a season, three months of cracking out your hours.

Can your husband step up a bit with coming home early for your DS SEN needs or when either of them are ill? I hope it’s not always you taking care of the children?

Talk to the University as well, they may have a hardship fund that you can use for a babysitter/child care while you get those hours done!

Definitely dont quit now! a few months hardship weighted against the rest of your life being qualified! Speak to the course provider, finish it part time, do whatever is needed, but finish your course

12 hour shifts is 4 days for the next 10 weeks. I think you’d kick yourself if you didn’t try and complete the coarse now.

Speak to the university about moving down to the next cohort to get more time to complete the reminder of your hours. It might mean delaying you qualifying by 6 months if there's two intake but worth it to complete.

Thanks for all your advice.

I think I'm more worried about the financial aspect of it. My fiancé is pretty comfortable in his job but we do still struggle to make ends meet.

I just can't justify leaving myself with no income for that amount of time.

I'll speak to uni tomorrow about hardship fund but my uni are pretty rubbish with support tbh.

Thanks for putting things into perspective for me, think I'm just struggling to see the bigger picture as I feel like I'm drowning at the moment and can't ever see me coming out the other side if that makes sense!

I just can't justify leaving myself with no income for that amount of time.

? think of it as a small investment of time to get a higher income for life. That is how the entire student loan system works. Students go into debt (negative income) because the pay off is a higher income for life, even after you subtract the student loan repayments.

I've been on a waiting list for a few weeks to see a well-being support person at the uni too... I understand these things can't just happen quickly but I'm just struggling to see how I can ever do it and it be suitable to fit in with home life but you guys have made me feel quite a bit better about it!

You can! I have a friend, a single mum, who has just finished and now she is a Health Visitor and gets to go round and see lovely babies and mums all day. It also has a lot of flexibility for scheduling in the event her DC need her home.

Talk to your tutors and see if they can help find a solution. Are you able to extend the length of the course and qualify a bit later giving you time to complete the hours?
you’ve put in so much time and effort already so would be a shame to drop out now.

If you leave your course, you will be asked to repay your student loan. Your "imaginary debt" (imaginary, because most NHS staff never repay their loans fully before they are wiped off at the end of the loan period) will instantly become a very real debt.
In the third year, this is madness. Speak to your university about options other than leaving your course.