To think smoking with asthmatic DC is awful

[Loughderg]

What would you think about a mother who smoked in front of her asthmatic DC. They’ve been in hospital etc but she continues ?

It’s apparently her only comfort but AIBU to tell her she needs to stop it.

To put in context this is my DM and she started when smoking wasn’t really seen as unhealthy but by the time we were all getting really sick with it , it was the late 80s/ 90s and dangers were very clear.

I visited the other day whilst on steroids and antibiotics and she lit up in front of me. I just can’t fathom it

most smokers go outside to smoke now surely?

oh, this is in the past?
that makes a difference

i smoked outside in the mid 1990s around children

This was inside then and inside now - in her own home. When visiting she will go outside - grudgingly

goodness she cant be that old but sounds stuck in her ways

@Willmafrockfit yes but would you have done so inside if your children had asthma and would you do if now

If someone lit up in a house I was in I would walk out and not return.
Apart from the health issues, it makes your hair/clothes/bag reek of it.

I say this as a former light smoker.

i smoked outside when children were inside, sorry i should have been clearer.
and no i wouldnt have smoked inside around children

Why does she need this “comfort”? If she can’t put her family before her desire to smoke then I would only see her in places where she couldn’t smoke

You are an adult not a five year old with no choice. Tell her you won’t be visiting her house anymore as it’s affecting your health.

Well you are an adult now so visit outside or have her come to you.

If she smokes a lot at home the air won’t be good for you, even if she doesn’t do it when you’re there.

You're an adult, just leave.

Yuck, I'd stop going round if I were you.

This really.

The home will never be clear of smoke and will always aggravate your condition. It’s your choice whether or not to go and visit her there. I’ve had to make a similar choice with a dear relative. I love him and he’s a wonderful person but I simply cannot be around the smoke, even though he never smokes in front of me. I have offered to pick him up and take him out for the day as an alternative.

You cant tell her not to smoke in her own home. You can refuse to visit her in her own home and presumably you dont allow smoking at yours.

I grew up like that in the seventies and have been hospitalised with asthma. I recently had bronchitis for three months, and my mum has now started smoking in another room when I visit. But she was very surprised that it affected me.

You're an adult now, so you're able to leave her house if she lights up while you're visiting and lay down the law in your own house.

True, but it’s hard to not visit or just leave when it’s your own mother and she is completely belligerent about smoking

I doubt she was really surprised - probably more refusing to acknowledge

It's just as bad infront of any child, its harmful regardless and hard to quit regardless.
If you're a non smoker try to view it the same as being told you can never eat sweet things again, or never drink alcohol again. Its possible, but not easy.

The dangers of second hand smoke were not well known in the 80s and early 90s. For years I would waitress in clubs and restaurants, working in an environment that was full of cigarette smoke.

So I don’t think poorly of your mum smoking when you were a child around then.

I do think poorly of her doing it now as it is very well known.

It was a different time. Move on

I have asthma and am completely unable to tolerate smoke. If my neighbour clicks his lighter in the garden, I dash indoors. He hates onions etc. so my revenge is cooking lots of onions and garlic!

We do get on very well though. He is lovely apart from his fags.

Had a relative who smoked heavily throughout pregnancy and after. The DC was born with severe asthma and spent a lot of childhood on and off nebulisers. They died at 30 leaving behind 2 very young children.