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AIBU?

AIBU to block STBXH number due to receiving aggressive/abusive messages about arrangements for 7 year old DS

8 replies

Pinksparkles84 · 04/02/2024 08:38

My STBXH and I are separating. I have had to block his number as he keeps sending messages which I find aggressive and sometimes threatening. I have told him he can’t text me anymore and I am scared of how he will react. I have spent years feeling like I am walking on eggshells in case I upset him and although he hasn’t stopped me from seeing friends, if I do go out and see friends he will start saying things like, I need to do more around the house to make sure it’s clean. He did CBT for anger management but still flys off the handle. 

I was ill a few years back and had a panic attack, he shouted at me and told me not to waste the hospitals time. I ended up driving myself to hospital. I believe a lot of the poor mental health has been caused by him as he has cheated, lied about taking out an IVA and got points on his licence for running over a dog (and poor dog died) and not reporting it. He acted normal afterwards and didn’t say anything to me until about a month later when the police contacted him and said they had footage of him in the hit and run. I was nearly sick when he told me as he had been continuing on as normal. He said that he kept having nightmares about it but didn’t do any counselling etc to get over the trauma of it!

We broke up over the summer and took it in turns to stay at the house and I had tried to get him to move out and find his own place, but he wasn’t proactive. I got back together with him partly because his mum was so upset with me and partly to protect him from STBXH behaviour. It scared me so I have no idea what that just feel like for DS. Speaking to my mum, she thinks I should STBXH enough rope and agree and see how long he can deal with being a single parent. He’s only once taken a day off work to look after DS and the day to day parenting is usually on me (but I just do it). I sort out summer holidays, play dates etc.

so now that we have broken up, STBXH has been texting me all day when I am at work. I said to him before that we should keep communication brief and I try and tell him anything he needs to know before he goes to work, so he doesn’t have to contact me. he has been asking silly questions like sending our landlady’s email address and asking if that’s the correct email ( I forwarded him the contact a few days prior) /Telling me when he will change the utilities over to his name / asking if the mediator I have booked is independent. He text me yesterday accusing me of only wanting to have DS more so that I can claim benefits. He says that his chances of renting our current place are narrowing l. Bearing in mind he is in an iva which has recently finishes (it shows up on the insolvency register still). I decided not to respond at all. When I spoke to my solicitor she said I should block him as he’s being abusive, so I did. He found me on WhatsApp earlier and asked if I’d blocked his texts. I didn’t confirm or deny, but when I got home and asserted my boundaries - he should only contact me in an emergency or about arrangements for our son, he said “whatever, if you want to be weird about it that’s fine”. I said that I’m not being weird, I’m just setting boundaries as I found his messages aggressive - to which he replied - don’t be so stupid. I guess what I should have said is that I find it weird that he’s still texting me all the time like he used to and asking me questions he frankly doesn’t need to!

AIBU to block his number?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

36 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
8%
You are NOT being unreasonable
92%
DustyLee123 · 04/02/2024 08:46

Tell him that he can only contact you via email and bar him from your phone.
Make a separate email address for him if needs be.

Frostynight · 04/02/2024 08:46

Just block him on everything, apart from one email address. Block him on social media too.

Then only reply to the emails if you have to. Ignore any that are not relevant.

You'll feel a lot better for it.

TotallyKerplunked · 04/02/2024 08:48

Please look into a non molestation order, I had to get 1 due to the volume and contents of texts from my ex of 4 years.

Pinksparkles84 · 05/02/2024 20:53

Thanks all. Thankfully since I’ve stopped him from being able to text me (blocking his number) he seems to have calmed down, but for how long, I have no idea. I’ve downloaded AppClose to be able to jointly parent that way.

i have mediation tomorrow so I will put my thoughts forward. One of my big concerns is that he doesn’t really interact with DS and gets angry very quickly (and I won’t be there to soften the blow). I have access to DS tablet and the days STBXH has him, he is pretty much on it all day (sometimes 7 hours a day). Whereas I take DS Out to see friends, family, to soft play and on play dates, but STBXH does none of this (and STBXH had the audacity to criticise my parenting, saying I need to be a better mum to DS, as I took DS out one Saturday to do things rather than do chores). I do usually do chores but that day I wanted to do something fun with DS.

OP posts:
lauraloulou1 · 06/02/2024 00:16

He sounds terrible! Good for you for asserting boundaries and moving forward with your life OP. You and your DS will all feel so much better soon xx

NoOrdinaryMorning · 06/02/2024 14:51

Why would you allow your child to be around him?

SUPerSaver721 · 06/02/2024 14:57

Mediation isnt advised if theres been abuse. Just block him and if you could use a member of your family who wont let anyone walk all over them organise contact between son and exhusband. It meqns he has mo reason to contact you at all..

toomuchfaff · 06/02/2024 15:02

block him on everything, all communication to ho through your lawyer.

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