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AIBU?

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Original poster

Return to work or not??

9 replies

Hmcd214 · 04/02/2024 08:36

Hello there
I have been a long time reader of Mumsnet but have never actually posted anything before. This is my first time and was wanting some advice / opinions.
I have currently been off work on the sick as my daughter (who is 4) has currently been diagnosed with an Autoimmune disease, she has had to attend many hospital appointments and is now currently on a lot of medication.
My GP gave me 8 weeks off work and told me if I needed more time afterwards it would not be an issue. The whole process has been mentally and physically draining for me as it has affected her eyesight and there was a risk of her losing vision etc and she has a lot more appointments coming up this month.
I currently work 45 mins away from home for a company and I am worried if I were to return if she needed me I would have to sit in the traffic to get home or my manager may not let me attend her appointments as they would say we are short staffed.
Obviously financially it hasn’t been great because I am only getting Stat Sick Pay, and I have bills to pay but I feel better knowing I have been close by if she needs me or something happens as there is a lot of day to day to symptoms with her disease. My husband has told me I am under no pressure to return to work but I am used to having my own money and don’t like the idea of him constantly paying for everything.
it has also came to my attention from I’ve been off that my manager and co workers have been speculating as to what is wrong with my daughter and why I’ve been off. Some of the information that I thought was private and confidential has been shared amongst staff??

I know a lot of information and probably more that I have forgotten to add as it’s been mental the past few months with everything that has been going on with my daughter. I will also add I have been looking for a job closer to home but it’s hard to come by

Any advice info etc in regards to returning to work would be great

Thanks

OP posts:
AgentProvocateur · 04/02/2024 08:50

If I’m reading your post correctly, you’re not actually ill. Why haven’t you taken parental leave rather than sick leave? If you go back, you’ll need to make sure that your DH does his fair share of appointments. I hope your daughters condition improves.

Landlubber2019 · 04/02/2024 08:50

I am sorry to hear about your daughter 💐

Is your daughters situation ikely to improve?
What are your financial arrangements?
Who is doing your work at the moment?
What private information has been shared and by whom? Does this need investigating?

We had one joint account, so for me giving up a job with 1.5 HR commute, often working 10 hrs days without a day off was absolutely a no brainer, but I had a very thoughtful dh who fully supported us all without question.

YukoandHiro · 04/02/2024 08:53

AgentProvocateur · 04/02/2024 08:50

If I’m reading your post correctly, you’re not actually ill. Why haven’t you taken parental leave rather than sick leave? If you go back, you’ll need to make sure that your DH does his fair share of appointments. I hope your daughters condition improves.

Did you not read the OP?

"The whole process has been mentally and physically draining for me" - and her GP has judged her to be too unwell to work as a result.

You're a nasty piece of work and you certainly live up to your pseudonym.

OP, if your DH is financially able to give you a bit of breathing space I would take it but you probably also need to think now about a long term plan. Could you ask your existing workplace for a sabbatical first before you quit?

Willmafrockfit · 04/02/2024 08:55

do you have any parental support op? your own parents/family?

Willmafrockfit · 04/02/2024 08:56

so if she is at school and they call you, it would take you an hour to get there, or who else is responsible?

Moveoverdarlin · 04/02/2024 08:56

Personally if it were me I’d stay off work longer. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Your husband sounds supportive, if you can have more time off and avoid that juggle of the commute and hosp appointments I’d do it.

I would be too concerned about your colleagues knowing some of what has gone on, they’re probably just concerned.

Jagley · 04/02/2024 09:10

I would stay off longer if it were me, I had to give up work to care for my DS with needs. It is exhausting mentally as you've found out, if speak with your gp for now about more time off. Also I'd want to be closer than your work is for picking up if the school rings.

SchoolQuestionnaire · 04/02/2024 09:12

I wouldn’t make any decisions about leaving permanently quite yet as it’s a very stressful time for you. I wouldn’t hesitate to extend your sick leave though. You need it and your daughter comes first.

Vettrianofan · 04/02/2024 09:19

YukoandHiro · 04/02/2024 08:53

Did you not read the OP?

"The whole process has been mentally and physically draining for me" - and her GP has judged her to be too unwell to work as a result.

You're a nasty piece of work and you certainly live up to your pseudonym.

OP, if your DH is financially able to give you a bit of breathing space I would take it but you probably also need to think now about a long term plan. Could you ask your existing workplace for a sabbatical first before you quit?

Show quote history

Some people don't think before they post....

@AgentProvocateur the poster is off due to the stressful situation she has been thrown into. Not that different to my DH getting weeks off sick due to stress when I had an emergency CS with my youngest years ago. We had other children to think about too.

Please think before posting.

OP hopefully your DD has a good treatment plan in place and things improve for your family ❤️

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