to be slightly annoyed at family friend saying I "looked happy" about the fact that H and I have split up???

[FAQ]

We've known her for about 6yrs, and she is a lovely lady (in her 70's - but still extremely active) .She occasionaly babysits for us, and is also DS2's Godmother.

She's just popped round unexpectedly with Easter Eggs for the DS's. Very lovely of her of course and have no problem with that. Invite her to stay for a cup of tea and then of course she was asking about H.....so I told her we'd split up.

When I told her some of the reasons she tried to make it seem like I was in the "wrong" - telling her about how controlling he was and how everything had to be done in a certain way. She said that I should accept that compromise is needed and that "that's just married life" . Mentioned things like - if I'm too tired at night to do the dishes then I stack them and do them in the morning "well they still need doing don't they".....

Then she turned round and said "You look very happy about it".......no I'm not "happy" that we've split up, but it's nice not to feel under pressure to do things "right" all the time. OK lots of the time H wouldn't actually say anything, but the feeling of his casting his critical eye over everything was still there.

Also I've had quite a nice week (down to friends) and I am pleased that I've made it a week without any major hiccups...

oh FAQ, take n notice!

She comes from a generation of women where it was common to be totally subservient. An era where it was accepted that men were the breadwinners, the head of the household and women just did as they were told and kept the house nice . Just ignore it.

I'm glad you've had a nice week, FAQ.

agree with lissie, you're doing so well and am afraid its just a generation gap and she probably doesn't realise that what she said has come out as insensitive

don't let it make you take a step backwards

but from what she's said in the past her marriage wasn't at all like that. In fact she ran her own business and her DH worked for her.

I now feeling guilty for not feeling too about it all right now.......

I would expect you to feel all sorts of ways in turn...let other people think what they may, this is your decision for yourself and your children and you are not looking for others to judge you, nor should they. It is always sad when a marriage fails but often it is for the best.

Don't allow others to tell you how you should feel!

FAQ, I suspect there is still an element of shock involved for you. It is early days. You may well get to the weeping, wailing and gnashing of teeth stage, or you might not. Like Darth says, don't let anyo9ne dictate to you how you should be feeling.

She is of the genereation who still thinkthat the man is the most important person in the household, and you shuld be running about wfter him while h puts his feet up. Doesnt matter that her marriage wasn't like that, that is how she will have projected it to the outside world.

My mum is the same, i, as a girl am second-best to my brother, and we have to 'put up with it', regardless of how the dh treats us.

I suppose - it's just that in the last couple of years (definitely since she became DS2's Godmother) she (in my mind) has become increasingly "busy bodyish".and it's really grating

oh ignore her. she'll be dead soon anyway.

oh ignore her. she'll be dead soon anyway.

lol Cod - you know usually you wind me up and irritate me - but that has made me .

However, I fear think she may well be around for a long time to come - still cycles and walks most places and very fit and healthy

pmsl at cod, first time I have laughed in over a wekk.........thanks very much

I thought codofcodhall wasn't actually cod.
Have I missed some unveiling?

Oh sorry, in answer to the OP, you should have told her it's not happiness it's relief.

what is she normally like?
same i spect.

If she;s in her 70's she probably thinks splitting up isn't the done thing. My elderly neighbour talks about her marriage which frankly sounds a nightmare from beginning to end - and involved her losing the love of her life. But she would never have left you just didn't. But to be honest it sounded like years of bullying and I think she realises that now.

Then there's her friend whose husband went away with his girlfriend twice a year. And that was tolerated too.

Be pleased you weren't born 50 years earlier. And enjoy the space and peace and quiet. You sound very sorted about it all which is good thing.

Sounds like my mother.

Ignore.

yurt - one of her sons split up from his wife about 2yrs ago, she still sees both her ex-DIL regularly and is fine about it. I remember when they split up she was saying it was the best thing for them to do really, especially as far as their DC were concerned.