Offered my best friend dating advice…is it unreasonable?

[Lilllypad11]

My Best friend who I’ve known for years has gone on a date today with a guy she matched on hinge. She texted me after saying she got a second date I was really excited for her, she said he’s an awful texter and leaves hours between replies (like up for 24 hours) but he owns a business and she said she really enjoyed the date with him and really enjoyed the conversation but just wishes she could talk to him more. Me and her both had our separations at similar times so I was able to understand all her emotions. Her ex also cheated on her like mine so again we just understand Each others situation.

She said he said phone calls are easier for him. I said to her the best thing to do is take it as it comes. They don’t owe anything to each other after one date and go on the second date that he has requested and just see how things go. I told her it’s more about how they get on in person than over text. I explained that owning a business can mean being glued to texting is hard, she said she hasn’t heard off him all day today but he did explain to her it was his brothers wedding so again I told her not to get too fixated on the small parts and enjoy dating for a while.

She does really like him. She was so happy after her first date and I told her to hold onto how that made her feel and not to keep over worrying about texting. I said maybe she can raise it on the date if it bothers her too much.

aibu or is this fair advice?

Yes, it's fair advice. I'm not sure why you're asking. Did she react badly to it or something?

She just seems a bit anxious over his not so great replies. It was 24 hours between replies. She actually really seems to like him. They had loads in common apparently, and she’s been on a fair few dates but she said this one felt quite different for her. I said maybe it’s a good thing he doesn’t reply loads. It’ll allow her to ease herself into this. Shows he’s in no rush.

He asked her for a second date, I told her calmly go from there. Try not to over think.

Bless her, she’s so happy and excited too.

Some people aren’t on their phones all the time. I’m on mine a lot, so would reply fairly quickly, but my kids only check theirs a couple of times a day - maybe this is what he is like.

I just feel bad for her. She’s super excited to see him again just gets down about the fact he’s not so communicative. But he said this right at the start from the very first convo. He wanted to call her instead. So I said maybe say on the next date, maybe just call me after work so we can have a catch up every so often?

she’s so excited. I haven’t seen her like this in a while. So I do think she actually likes this guy.

It sounds a bit clingy on her part. It's very early days. I would not tell her to raise it on the date. If I was him that would put me right off. You are bang on the money that it's more important they get on in person and he can talk on the phone more so than text. Some people hate texting. Do you think she will take your advice?

Some 16-24 hours between messages is pretty bad though😂I’m rubbish too but I don’t do that much!

@Lilllypad11 Is it a fear he is seeing other women? There is chance he might be at this early stage tbh. Or he could be busy working and with family. Does he have kids? They have not gone 'exclusive" I presume. It might be an assumed thing on her part but if it is that the communication will get better once they do make that decision. Do you think she should call him out about it, cos I really don't at this point. If it carried on later maybe.

Friend is like this, does not do texts yet is on the phone quite alot, so im guessing its more that they dont want to create messages or traces of who they talk to as there partner is quite suspicious as soon as they chat to anyone else

I'd find someone texting all the time very off putting. It's not realistic if you have a proper job, I rarely ever text anyone during the day and might be out in the evening. I also think it's a bit needy and hard to keep up in the long term.

One date, he's at a wedding and she's anxious he hasn't replied? Jeez. This is kinda a red flag for the poor guy! I didn't hear from my husband for a week after our first date (no mobile back then but not even a phone call). She needs to chill out! Your advice was sound.

Bloody he'll. So glad texting wasn't a thing when I was first dating. We didn't even have mobiles. Too much pressure on constant contact is causing this anxiety. More likely to cause him to knock it on the head if she is this clingy after one date.

24hrs isn't long, I know it feels like it. People have real lives to attend to. Sometimes my friends and I go days before replying, we know its ok. It's different if you're meeting someone and need to text them to plan things in the moment, or just have a text chat in place of a phone chat. But busy working people simply can't be on their phones 24/7. Plus it's only the first date so she needs to watch and wait really, at least for the first couple of dates. If it doesn't work out it will be harder if she has got used to loads of messages all the time.