10 year old and birthday

[Shettani]

It’s that time again where I need to plan the birthday treat for my daughter. She wants to have a sleepover with two friends…I’ve suggested other options like rock climbing, laser activity, movie but she comes back to sleepover.
my dilemma is that I’m not convinced taking accountability/responsibilty of other people’s kids. I’m somewhat a reluctant mother- my daughter is well looked after, in the best school in the county, has everything she needs, well looked after etc however, deep down I feel(or know) that I don’t enjoy being a mom. I see it as a slog, which along with my marriage is slowly chipping me as a person, energy, personality, the capacity to grow, take risks in life etc- but that’s a long story.
coming back to the birthday treat- ofcourse I don’t want to deny her treat because of my inhibitions but I’m really not comfortable having these kids staying over and me having to take responsibility incase something goes wrong- be it done food not working, or they cannot sleep at night, hurt themselves etc.
Even when we had other parties, I practically count down the time until the parents collect them - but a whole night seems such a stretch
how can I manage? Anyone else feel like this, how do you cope?

Sorry you feel that way. Could you have a “late over” where they come for dinner and a movie in the evening but don’t actually sleep over for the night? It’s an increasing popular thing for kids that age.

God I wouldn't think too deeply about it sounds like my idea of hell. I have a daughter that age and teach that age group and I wouldn't be able to spend a whole night with them. Bowling, cinema McDonald's etc them home . Don't invade my space all night!

Are you a single parent? I ask because you don't mention a partner being involved.

If there is a partner on the scene, why aren't they helping with this?

If not, I think you should only offer a treat that you are comfortable doing. I do think, however, that taking responsibility for your child and a couple of others out of the house is a lot harder than just having them for a sleepover.

@Nctodayjan24 it is my idea of hell as well- it’s that she has been to a few sleepovers (not at the houses of the ones she wants to invite) and not bent on the idea. I work a stressful job- then there is the cooking, keeping in top of 100s of emails from school, cleaning etc. the last thing I need is the space invaded but I’ll even put up with that - but I just don’t want the responsibility of other people kids.

@VickyEadieofThigh not a single parent- but my husband can resign himself when it comes to stuff like this and say he doesn’t understand/ know what needs to be done. Also my marriage is not great - so I’m not even thinking about where he can support

It's okay to say that you don't feel comfortable with sleepovers, but I think you're vastly overestimating the 'parenting' of other people's kids required. You just need to feed them. They just take care of themselves.

@VickyEadieofThigh yes it is- I never enjoyed any of the other parties over the years- but it’s always been a paid package, so pretty regimented, as in entertainment/activity- cake/then they go home. So it’s been manageable

@Precipice it could stem from cultural differences but I just feel as far as they are under my roof, they are my responsibility- even if they decide to run around and hurt themselves I would still feel bad that I should have kept an eye on them.

Set them up in a room, with:

• TV and selection of films they're allowed to watch
• some pamper party type girl stuff - sheet masks, nail varnish, hair chalks (if they're girly girls)
• popcorn, m&ms, Doritos, cans of pop

At some point in the evening order them pizza and one of those cookie/brownie slab things

Make sure they have a way to play music if they want it.

Airbeds on the floor or mattresses and they can camp out in the same room.

You check in on them every hour or so to make sure they're ok

Make sure you have parents numbers just in case, and decide if you're going to allow phones/internet access in the room, I wouldn't but that's my choice, everyone makes their own.

Why not think about it another way? Instead of having your house invaded think of it as getting yourself a chilled evening with a book while they all entertain each other in a different room? All you need to do is provide some food when asked. At 10, in my experience, these things require very little active parenting. If you are worried, could you get a friend or family member to come round and keep you company for moral support?

My daughter and her friends are 10/11. Sleepovers are their favourite things to do at the moment. Sometimes just one friend, sometimes there's been 5 of them (birthdays etc) There is an unwritten rule amongst the parents not to plan anything special for the next day, because they probably won't get much sleep.
There's not really much to it. Cook them some pizza, give them a basket of goodies for the bedroom (popcorn and chocolate), some drinks, then leave them in there to it. They also like those sheet face packs and doing make overs. But you don't have to get involved, it all happens in their bedroom.
At that age, they get their own PJs on (usually straight away, to get into sleepover mode) and can sort themselves out. You can pop your head into the room a few times to make sure they are OK and tell them when it's time to turn the lights out, but that's it. You don't have to 'parent' them or tuck them into bed with a bedtime story.
It's actually less work that not having a sleepover, because your DD is totally occupied.