To go out and have me time

[Emeraldrings]

I feel like going out and possibly not coming back. I'm not sure why it's pissed me off so much today as it's the same every Saturday afternoon. I cook dinner for everyone (fine) but around 2:30 DH goes upstairs to listen to football and play on Xbox. Leaving me to deal with our autistic high needs 3 year old and the online shop and clear up from lunch and try to do vegetables for tomorrow roast.
He stays upstairs until around 6:30 and says its his down time. He works 37 hours a week (I do 35) so it's not like he works crazy hours. He finishes at 3, DDs usually not home until 4 or 4:30 (and they are telagers so no childcare needed) then me and DS get home at 6:20. So in my opinion he has loads of down time already, although I do get the football is only on the weekends.
Today I did loads of cleaning this morning and cooked. Then DH went upstairs and I can't describe why but his attitude pissed me off. Oh just keep DS with you while doing everything but why should I?
Why can't he stay down here for another hour so I can get stuff done but he won't. He always says you know I listen to football on Saturday. It's my time.
I don't get any down time. So I have put the shopping away but nothing else and I feel very tempted to tell DH I'm going out and he can look after DS. He would but would then make the rest of the weekend hell.
But even so WIBU to just go out and have a few hours to myself for once? I'm so tired I can't even think straight.

Go out, enjoy some time to yourself. Honestly, it sounds like you need it

Why are you doing all the cleaning if you both work full time? Think you need a serious conversation about getting a cleaner or dividing 50/50. If he wants to watch football for a few hours on a Saturday afternoon that's fine but make sure you agree when your downtime is.

We can't really afford a cleaner and I don't mind doing it but I just get fed up with him disappearing every Saturday in football season. He always says at least I'm here if you need me, I'm not going out to football. But he's not really here because he's upstairs and doesn't appear for hours.
I went out yesterday evening in the end. My friend invited me over so I left once DS was asleep.
DH moaned that he'd barely seen me all day and how selfish I was to go out when we always spend Saturday night together. I told him hes didn't have to listen to football every week. He came up with his usual line about it being his time , so I said this was my time. He blew up at me, saying I didn't need a break I was just punishing him for not staying downstairs.
He was asleep when I got home and still is now. I never thought he'd get so angry about me wanting a break. Not like I get one every week or even every month.

It sounds like you need to have more regular, scheduled breaks from everything. Say that maybe if he has every Sat afternoon peace for his football you could have every Sat am for a couple of hours to go and do a hobby/ go for coffee or something to have a break. You are not just an appliance to be there for him to turn on to entertain him when he wants it.

So when things are calmer you point out to him what you say here. He has quiet time each day before the kids get home, so in that case if he doesn’t consider it his time he picks up some chores, tidy, hoover etc

then if he gets Saturday afternoon as his time ask him when he wants you to have your time over the weekend, so you get the same hours

Oh wow how fast he blew up into a controlling arsehole when you left the house!

run. Ffs run faster.

this one is a bastard.

Excel spreadsheet, colour in all the me time he gets weekly. Include breaks at work,

Then do yours and ask when you are going to get your "me" time to match the same as his.

I knock the internet off. I know it's petty but the rage in Me when I'm fighting on with a screaming baby while he plays on a (child's) games console 🤬🤬🤬. Act like a child I'll treat you like one... get your chores done 😂

At the very least he should be making dinner in the week.
Draw up a large timetable with his work hours in one colour and yours in another. Put in all school pick ups and drop offs in the colour of the person who does them. Put in cooking and cleaning in the colour of the person who does that. Out in his downtime in one colour and then yours in another. Include a key so he can see what's what.
Present him with this large loud visual. Then see what he says

You both work the same hours pretty much. Why does he think you don't need downtime and he does?

You SHOULD get one every week. You need to tell him that from now on Sunday morning / afternoon is your down time and you’ll be out or occupied in a hobby of your choice. Stop roasting on Sunday and leave food in the fridge and enjoy your life!!!