Long time lurker 20+ years - just really need some advice.
I will precursor this by saying, it’s a childcare one and no - I don’t expect special treatment. I will try to give as much information as possible but bits may be missed.
I work in an office setting that has 4 members of staff in my team. Ideally the big bosses would like three members in per day, everyone contracted to 4 working days and an occasional Saturday.
From the group of 4:
Worker A works 3 days - no Saturdays.
Worker B works 3 days - one being the Saturday so only two week days.
Worker C does exactly what’s expected - 4 days and their share of Saturdays.
Worker D (me) works 5 days and then the Saturday on the week it’s ‘my turn’.
There are approx 15 people in the building, some who are able to help when short staffed - illness etc.
Last year my relationship completely broke down overnight and it catastrophically changed my life. Not my child’s father. It’s been a year of hell and trying to pull myself out of the gutter and first thing I did was be very honest with work and say I wasn’t sure how the future would look and I may need help with some flexible working. They offered ‘whatever help we can to get you through’. I did not take any time off/leave early/have any ‘special privileges’ in this time to get my life together.
I asked for some initial help and they never got around to it, so eventually (three months later) I asked again, I said I really needed a 15m later start but to make up, I would cut my lunch short by 30 mins so effectively they’re better off. They agreed.
I requested to finish earlier on a set day after it was suggested I reduce my hours as I was really stressed and was told this would be looked at. This day was requested based on the day I struggled the most between work and home. I have been very open and honest with them about why I need the early finish, I don’t have any support system where I am, no family, friends, don’t know anyone at school etc and school clubs (which I fully utilise) don’t run as late as I need on that day. I would offer (and have) an extra Saturday in the rota for the sake of the few hours I need. I offered to drop the full day so they had the ability to offer someone a decent amount of hours and not just a few at the end of the day.
I have been told no. It’s impossible. I can’t offer to swap days as sometimes I’m already there 6 days a week and we are not open Sundays. I accepted this but now I’m getting little comments such as ‘you know, if you have it, everyone will want it’, ‘you ask for this but what’s the next day you’ll ask for’ and I am being made to feel like I have form for taking the mick. I do all the extra shifts, never say no, have taken every task they throw at me, take on roles that are above my pay grade and enjoyed it, always offer help to reduce others workload yet I’ve asked for one adjustment and the reasons initially given now feel false. Every other day I utilise school care (no childminders in the area/village location and I don’t drive).
They are aware that my situation is so dire that I will have to leave if they can’t help out and whilst I don’t expect them to bend over for me some management had said I work so hard and never say no to any task it would be a shame to lose me and they didn’t want me to go. The same manager is making the comments that I may well ask for too much in the future regarding childcare.
I have had one day off to care for my child in the last 12m. I never call in sick - except when I had an abscess and couldn’t talk (telephone is a part of my role), I work all school holidays up until this point.
Are the comments discriminatory? I accept that if it’s a no - it’s a no and I’ll leave but the comments have left me livid as I’ve never given this impression to any of them and have always had such good feedback.
I feel so helpless that I may have to leave for the sake of a few hours as I actually love my job and my emotional brain is upset however my logical brain is screaming that the undertone is actually very unfair.
For complete clarity, I am the only person on the team with children. Also no dad locally to help out.
Also yes - I know no matter how hard I feel I work, I am just a number.