To be upset by this..

[JackSpratski]

My partner is obsessed with watching sport, in paticular football and darts, always has been. Weekends are often dictated by what time football matches are on, after 11 years I'm used to it.

Pressed post before I'd finished!!!!

He's recentley bought himself a dart board and put it in the spare room upstairs. Me and DD will be home alone all day, he'll come in from work, have his tea and then disappear upstairs to either watch darts or play darts. I have to do the bath, bed etc routine. If he's downstairs we can never watch anything mutual, he's always got darts or football on. I said to him I feel like I'm just a cleaner, cook and nanny, he never wants to spend time with me. He said whats the point if I am downstairs you are just on your phone or laptop. I said it would just be nice to not feel I'm in the house alone after being alone all day and having to do the bath etc myself? He just kicked off an was really sarcastic about it, so I've left him downstairs watching darts, he can sleep on the sofa for a change as its usually me who does.

In what way is that a relationship at all? It sounds joyless and boring and I can’t fathom how you’ve lasted this long.

Exactly! I work 2 days a week and most of the other days I don't really leave the house apart from to maybe go to my mum's, I just stay home with my 2 year old. I do all the washing, housework, keeping everything tidy and I just get made to feel like I do nothing. He won't even sit and put a film on with me, he's just straight upstairs to either watch sport or play darts and when I raise the issue I'm the one in the wrong as I am on my phone/laptop so much. Its miserable.

His behaviour won't change. You either leave or accept it.

That sounds awful. It's all well and good for him to have hobbies, but not at the expense of the parenting and your relationship.
Do you feel you want to stay with him? Are there any positives in the relationship? It seems like you feel a bit isolated. If you were to start a new hobby or want to go out a couple nights a week, would he do the childcare etc? If not then it's simply not fair.

What’s the point of him? Get rid and start over.

My exH was obsessed with watching sports or listening to shit heavy metal music. Please note, exH. He took no part in family life, never spent time with my DD, never took an interest in anything we were doing.

I divorced him. DD spends next to no time with him now she is an adult. He threw his best relationships away for the sake of watching shit sports.

@BobbyBiscuits Long story short, I can't really afford to leave him. I've tried before and couldn't find anywhere of my own to live. I do feel very isolated, I love my daughter but to be on my own all day 7am-8pm some days, have his tea ready when he walks in usually later than expected, the house tidy and everything ready for him, he doesn't have to do anything. Doesn't have to do his own washing or ironing, hoovering, anything. To then not even sit with me and jsut disappear upstairs to play darts is just a bit upsetting. Even if I am on here on my laptop or whatever, it still upsets me that he just would rather be upstairs with the darts on than in the same room as me. On weekends he always wants to go to football, if I act hurt that hes suggested it he kicks off. He even went to football on boxing day.

Are you not married?

Shit. OK, do you own or rent? Any equity? He would have to pay child maintenance and you would probably be entitled to UC.

Have a look at the entitledto website for a rough calculation.

Out of interest why are you in your phone or laptop if he comes down.
I don't see the point of this relationship but if you're on your device anyway why wouldn't he stay upstairs.

You can’t force someone to want to spend time with you.

You say you’re used to it after 11 years, yet you’ve had a 2 year old with him. Why do you expect him to change now?

I had a boyfriend obsessed with football. I ditched him and adhered to my rule of no partners with a strong interest in sport.

@Bluenotgreen No we're not married. We own the house, both names on the mortgage. There is some equity I'm not sure how much, probably not a great deal.

@whoscoatsthatjacket2012 As he usually comes down and either puts what he wants (sport) on TV, or falls asleep. He's on his phone most of the time too so he can't really use it against me.

He should be pulling his weight with looking after your child and around the house but you sound as bad as each other with not giving each other attention. You sit on your laptop or phone and he watches/plays darts.

this isn't a relationship. You don't communicate. You don't spend time together. And he is a lazy arsehole. Why are you doing everything for him?

I don't really leave the house apart from to maybe go to my mum's, I just stay home with my 2 year old.
why? Why are you not taking your two year old out of the house?

@TwylaSands I feel like I have to with me only working 2 days and him paying all the bills. He's always telling me I don't do much so I keep feeling like I need to prove something. I did used to take her out quite a lot but most of the groups fall on the days I'm at work, and the friends we used to go with have either been busy lately, now have baby siblings so don't go out as much or are just busy. We should start walking to the park or something though.

@JackSpratski Gawd you poor thing. He really sounds awful. There must be a way for you to get out of there if that's what you want, I'd be tempted to kick him out and change the bloody locks. I would stop doing things for him for starters. Care for your own and the child's needs, but ignore his. Wall of silence. No you don't cook his tea. Hungry? sorry I was busy parenting your child and assumed you could make a sandwich.
Honestly, get out of the house during the day. Is there any local clubs, groups you could join? Or even just chatting to local people in the cafe, but regain your independence. You do not need him. He does nothing.

I would stop doing everything for him. Clean the house for you and your DD obviously (you shouldn't live in squalor), but don't bother washing or cooking for him.

Get yourself and DD out to the park or whatever as much as you can. You will feel better for the exercise, and you won't be sitting around fuming at him. The walking time is also good thinking time, if you get my gist.

So the both of you are on your phones all the time, and when not you're looking after your child and he's watching or playing sports? So you're just flatmates then! What's the point!

@JackSpratski

Long story short, I can't really afford to leave him. I've tried before and couldn't find anywhere of my own to live. I do feel very isolated, I love my daughter but to be on my own all day 7am-8pm some days,

OP would it be feasible to live in with your mother, look at child minding options for your daughter, increase your work hours? Sell the house and get your equity? Check what benefits/universal credit you might be entitled to www.entitledto.co.uk.

The situation you're in isn't really sustainable in the longer term and it sounds like he's already checked out of a proper future with you - you're just the live in dogsbody who's there to facilitate his life. 🌹

You absolutely need to do something every day. And she needs to be outside every day. You need to proactively find local classes. Look at notice boards in supermarkets and your local leisure centre. Have you taken her swimming yet? Phone the local pools and find out when classes for her are.

youre currently doing nothing for yourself that is healthy and will help growth.

and go out and leave her with him. Preferably at a meal time. And fgs dont leave instructions.