Silent treatment

snoresnorebore · 2024-02-02T20:39:23+00:00

DH loves giving the silent treatment for the most ridiculous things. Please can you give me the best and most irritating way to deal with it. So ducking boring and I just want to make it clear I don't give a shit. Thank you for any advice.

SabbatWheel · 02/02/2024 20:41

“Fuck you and your shit, I’m going to instruct a solicitor” should do it.

Snowdropsarecoming · 02/02/2024 20:42

Silent treatment is abuse.

PinkyFlamingo · 02/02/2024 20:43

You actually want to stay with someone that treats you like this? Why?

Hatty65 · 02/02/2024 20:43

Yeah. I'd silently have divorce papers served on him.

ChanelNo19EDT · 02/02/2024 20:45

He's training you to read his mind and never challenge him. His way or you're punished.
It is abuse.

Winnipeggy · 02/02/2024 20:45

What an absolute childish bore. How long have you been together? Kids involved? Doesn't seem worth staying for this nonsense

Original poster

snoresnorebore · 02/02/2024 20:46

Yup it's weird. Tried to have a discussion about something. He was giving me 'advice' I replied and didn't concur and he just said 'ok then fine let's not talk about it then' and that's it. Silent treatment starts. So fucking boring, like a baby!

OP posts:

Watercolourpapier · 02/02/2024 20:47

Leave him. It won't get any better.

LetsGoOutside · 02/02/2024 20:49

It’s only after you move to a new relationship that you realise this behaviour is toxic, will create mental health problems and is not normal!

tellmeonafriday · 02/02/2024 20:49

I've been having the silent treatment for five years. Not on and off - for five years straight. You cease to care fairly quickly and it becomes an issue of who runs out of tolerance first.

Original poster

snoresnorebore · 02/02/2024 20:50

16 years, married 10. 2 kids 8 & 5. It's got worse as he's got older. And as I have got older I just give less of a shit about it. Years ago I'd try and win him down as I couldn't cope with it but now I'm like whatever. Just want the best way to deal with it to keep my sanity. Thought about leaving but financially not possible for a few years.

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Sparklesocks · 02/02/2024 20:50

It’s manipulative and pathetic. Don’t stand for it. Either he’s a big boy who can communicate what’s upset him or you’re off.

Original poster

snoresnorebore · 02/02/2024 20:52

tellmeonafriday · 02/02/2024 20:49

I've been having the silent treatment for five years. Not on and off - for five years straight. You cease to care fairly quickly and it becomes an issue of who runs out of tolerance first.

My god so sorry!!! What do you think the reason is. I'm thinking he can sense my new found independence and also I'm building a business that's becoming more and more successful but not successful enough YET for me to do anything.

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LetsGoOutside · 02/02/2024 20:56

@snoresnorebore going to be brutally honest me and my sibling grew up in a household like this. It’s toxic it’s caused anxiety and mental health problems for us both. We’ve both needed counselling. This behaviour is more toxic than you realise.

Rocket1982 · 02/02/2024 21:20

my husband used to do this and in the end I stopped caring and surprisingly now he's virtually stopped doing it. I probably told him I wasn't going to accept it once we had kids and maybe he took that in (the last time I remember was when my eldest was a few weeks old). Or maybe he only did it when it provoked the desired effect (e.g. me getting upset and apologising). Now and again he stomps off for a few minutes but I think that's about in the range of normal. If he did it as he used to I'd leave him as I wouldn't want the kids to be around it.

Rocket1982 · 02/02/2024 21:22

tellmeonafriday · 02/02/2024 20:49

I've been having the silent treatment for five years. Not on and off - for five years straight. You cease to care fairly quickly and it becomes an issue of who runs out of tolerance first.

What the....? How come you have stayed with him? Do you interact at all? How do you share the household jobs, or do you live separately?

Original poster

snoresnorebore · 02/02/2024 21:22

Rocket1982 · 02/02/2024 21:20

my husband used to do this and in the end I stopped caring and surprisingly now he's virtually stopped doing it. I probably told him I wasn't going to accept it once we had kids and maybe he took that in (the last time I remember was when my eldest was a few weeks old). Or maybe he only did it when it provoked the desired effect (e.g. me getting upset and apologising). Now and again he stomps off for a few minutes but I think that's about in the range of normal. If he did it as he used to I'd leave him as I wouldn't want the kids to be around it.

How did your not caring play out. Did you also go silent or just carry on as normal. How did you act?

OP posts:

Rocket1982 · 02/02/2024 21:24

snoresnorebore · 02/02/2024 21:22

How did your not caring play out. Did you also go silent or just carry on as normal. How did you act?

Show quote history

I'd probably just have said something to him like "you're being an idiot" and then got on with my life. I wouldn't give him the silent treatment (I'd be as bad as him!) or avoid looking at him, but if he's not talking to me it's not exactly like I'd be chatting either.

MonsteraMama · 02/02/2024 21:26

One of my friends had a boyfriend who did this. She ended up laughing at him and it really pissed him off. Just like giggling at first and going "oh my god are you giving me the silent treatment like a teenage girl?", then moving to hysterical laughter as he continued to sulk. Eventually the silent treatment ended so he could tell her how mean she was being.

It was obviously a very unhealthy relationship and she's much happier now she's left the douche, but laughing at him did actually do the trick in terms of stopping the silent treatment.

MinervatheGreat · 02/02/2024 21:35

My ex late husband was a master of the silent treatment. It went on for days at a time .

I just used to ignore it and carried on as normal.

In the end I did get so fed up with it and other narc’ behaviour that I consulted a solicitor. He told me it was “unreasonable behaviour” and I could divorce him for it.

Eventually that’s exactly what I did! Never looked back.

Aquamarine1029 · 02/02/2024 21:39

Your poor kids. What a horrible example being set for them. I'd be telling your fuckwit of a husband that he either knocks it off and grows up or the marriage is over.

Eaglemom · 02/02/2024 22:39

Leave him.

Bluenotgreen · 02/02/2024 22:46

LTB

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 03/02/2024 08:09

Your poor children

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 03/02/2024 08:20

tellmeonafriday · 02/02/2024 20:49

I've been having the silent treatment for five years. Not on and off - for five years straight. You cease to care fairly quickly and it becomes an issue of who runs out of tolerance first.

What the fuck?

My friend's parents managed a year and I thought that was mental!