Working is easier for me than spending time with my kids

struggli · 2024-02-02T14:12:17+00:00

I work full time from home, in a demanding role. I have two kids 21 months and 4 years old. This week, they've both been home with me, as they've been sick. I'm also not feeling my best. But honestly, working is easier than looking after them. How do stay at home parents do this without absolutely losing it ? I love them dearly. But being at home with them like this, takes me back to when I was on mat leave last year and really crumbled. I don't like my work much either. But at least the house is clean and tidy. I am absolutely exhausted. Maybe also because I feel unwell too, which makes it harder. The house is a constant mess and a minute doesn't go by without at least one of them asking me for something ! When I try to do any tidying the little one gets in my way. I can barely cook and stash the dishwasher without the little one getting up to something. Hats off to all stay at home parents ! I'm broken !

Makeitmakesensetoday · 02/02/2024 14:14

Are you a single parent?

Original poster

struggli · 02/02/2024 14:14

Makeitmakesensetoday · 02/02/2024 14:14

Are you a single parent?

No but my Husband is away a lot, so most of everything is left to me.

OP posts:

Snowdropsarecoming · 02/02/2024 14:15

It is hard work but I found it much easier than my previous job! Being stuck at
home looking after ill kids is soul destroying. In just over a year’s time you will have a 5 and 3 year old and life will be much easier and then a year later everything will be so much easier that you will start to forget how difficult the toddler years are.

WhenWereYouUnderMe · 02/02/2024 14:16

Oh yeah work is so much easier! You get a comfy seat, hot drinks, peace and quiet, to go to the loo all by yourself, to eat by yourself!

I tried being a SAHM for about...six weeks, then begged my boss to take me back 😆

Give0fecks · 02/02/2024 14:16

I actually really appreciate this post. I am a SAHM to a 3.5yo and 16mo old, so probably similar ish age gap to you. I often just feel like I’m completely failing and not justified for finding it hard. I don’t feel I’m a good parent even tho I really try and the house is hard to keep up with.

Makeitmakesensetoday · 02/02/2024 14:16

Does he need to be away a lot? Sounds like you could do with a hand with both kids unwell and also yourself. Anyway aside from that I agree with you, I have a 7 and 2 year old and if they were both ill at the same time and i was too I'd be absolutely useless. Anyone you can call on for help? Even if they watched the kids for a bit and you could get some rest/go for a walk etc? Yes it's easier going to work which is why men thrive at doing this and often leave us women to it

Original poster

struggli · 02/02/2024 14:17

Snowdropsarecoming · 02/02/2024 14:15

It is hard work but I found it much easier than my previous job! Being stuck at
home looking after ill kids is soul destroying. In just over a year’s time you will have a 5 and 3 year old and life will be much easier and then a year later everything will be so much easier that you will start to forget how difficult the toddler years are.

I think you're right. It doesn't help that we are stuck at home and I'm not feeling great either.

They're wonderful and I'm happy that they're with me as I love it. But it's harder than working for me.

OP posts:

Original poster

struggli · 02/02/2024 14:19

Give0fecks · 02/02/2024 14:16

I actually really appreciate this post. I am a SAHM to a 3.5yo and 16mo old, so probably similar ish age gap to you. I often just feel like I’m completely failing and not justified for finding it hard. I don’t feel I’m a good parent even tho I really try and the house is hard to keep up with.

I'm so glad it made you feel less alone. I have so much respect for stay at home parents, I really really do. Hang in there. Try and get some support in any way you can, so you can have some sort of break.

OP posts:

kernowpicklepie · 02/02/2024 14:23

Give0fecks · 02/02/2024 14:16

I actually really appreciate this post. I am a SAHM to a 3.5yo and 16mo old, so probably similar ish age gap to you. I often just feel like I’m completely failing and not justified for finding it hard. I don’t feel I’m a good parent even tho I really try and the house is hard to keep up with.

I'm a SAHM too. 13 month old and 2.5 year old. Oh boy it's so hard. I don't manage to get any housework done if we're home and have to do all of that when DH is back from work.
I have been struggling a lot to get out with them in the colder weather because it's so hard getting them to leave the house and I've had no motivation so we've had a lot more days at home which is even harder as the house gets so messy

SouthLondonMum22 · 02/02/2024 14:24

You are unwell and do it alone when DH works away so even when well, it's going to be difficult.

I struggled with maternity leave too but I didn't find it difficult in the sense that I don't relate to never having a hot drink or not going to the toilet which people often talk about, I was just bored out of my mind. It was mind numbing.

Arewethebadguys · 02/02/2024 14:31

Preach! Work is MUCH easier! Shout out to all the SAHM's - honestly don't know how you do it but so much respect for you 😊

ThatMrsM · 02/02/2024 15:04

I've been a SAHM for 2 years but I went back to work for about a year in between having my two children. I'm a lot happier being a SAHM, yes it's hard work but I found juggling work and family life harder. But also everything is sooo much harder when you are all sick!!

StBernie · 02/02/2024 15:45

My work days feel like a day off to me. Able to make a cup of tea, sit quietly, do some online shopping (I swear I do actually work too…). My one day off with my toddler is exhausting! I have a lot of respect for SAHPs who do that every day.

Overloadimplode · 02/02/2024 15:54

I feel the opposite. I can't imagine a job that is easier than being at home.

TheWhalrus · 02/02/2024 15:59

StBernie · 02/02/2024 15:45

My work days feel like a day off to me. Able to make a cup of tea, sit quietly, do some online shopping (I swear I do actually work too…). My one day off with my toddler is exhausting! I have a lot of respect for SAHPs who do that every day.

I echo this. I work fulltime hence no day off with toddler, but I often have our daughter on my own for at least one day at the weekend and its definitely much harder. And my job is not undemanding either. It gets to the point where Sunday night is the new Friday night with me (and vice versa).

spicedlemonpie · 02/02/2024 16:23

Many many years ago i was a single SAHM until my youngest went to full time school.
17 months between my 2 children no outside help from anyone no dads either.
I did study when i could my home was spotless and tbh i found it easy.
I did not want to have someone else to care for my children i had them i was the mum my responsibility not for someone else to do the job for me.
I turned down CM as i told the jobcenter at the time id rather he be a dad i dont want his pitty money im not chasing a dead beat rat woman abuser for money.
I didnt want him to say in years to come I paid for my kids but wasn`t there to be a dad.
He never came back and never saw them what my children had i got it.
When they both went to school i started training and became a support worker for young mums.
My children are adults now both in the army very proud of them.
As time as gone on i can see to much pressure put on parents to do everything.
And sometimes parents put pressure on them selfs.
But dont forget their baby days and toddler years go fast.
It may be hard now but i gets better.
My advice is dont let the outside world get to you.