Is it normal to become less sexual in a relationship?

[JammyDodgersAreNice]

I have been in a relationship for a year and a half; and I can’t shake the feeling.

We watched a tv show earlier referencing wanting to sleep with someone on the first date. We didn’t have sex until date 4 but I lightheartedly asked him if he thought about sex with me when he first met me on our first date, and he said yes. Not in a “I just want to sleep with me” way, but like a sort of way that he definitely would like to and he thought I looked good.

Nowadays I don’t feel like he thinks like that. I’ve been through a hard time recently so he’s been more sweet and cutesy. I feel like that’s the norm now and I feel like we’re settling more - watching tv together, hugging, getting the lunch ready before bed etc and then falling asleep.

I did say this to him and he denied it, he said of course he still thinks like that about me. But, i can’t shake the feeling that he used to be pretty sexual (I know he had casual hookups before me which is fine) and ive made him less so.

Am I overthinking this? We do have sex still but it seems to be more of a big thing rather than spontaneous.

I think you probably are over-thinking it a bit, yes. You haven't 'made him less sexual' - it's just pretty normal in a long-term relationship for things to get more 'comfortable'. I doubt he is 'less sexual' - it's just that a relationship is about more than that.

His casual hook-ups were just sex. He wasn't falling asleep and getting up with those women every day (or on a regular basis) and living his life with them, watching telly with them and supporting them through difficult times; a hookup doesn't come with any emotional attachment. I would actually suspect that if you actually counted up the number of times he had sex over the course of six months of hookups, it would add up to less sex than he's had over the course of six months with you.

With regards to things being less spontaneous - do you actually try to initiate this, or do you wait for him to initiate it?

Nowadays I don’t feel like he thinks like that. I’ve been through a hard time recently so he’s been more sweet and cutesy. I feel like that’s the norm now and I feel like we’re settling more - watching tv together, hugging, getting the lunch ready before bed etc and then falling asleep.

That's normal. If he had gone cold on you that would be different but it sounds like your relationship is becoming more caring and affectionate which is what it should be doing if its going well. If you miss having as much sex then that's another thing and maybe something to raise (or initiate more yourself) but it sounds like there is a lot of intimacy and closeness. If he didn't fancy you any more he would probably be mor distant.

It seems like maybe you're overthinking. People do settle and get comfortable together when they are in relationships. Become best friends as well as partners as well as sexual partners. I am sure he wouldn't be with you if he didn't want to have sex with you.

It's very normal to be less sexual as time goes on in a relationship.

Signed, a very happily married woman that had a very Dry January indeed.

Perfectly normal - when I met my DW we were much more 'active'.
As you become more comfortable with someone the relationship evolves - it's fine as long as you're both happy with it.

It's also fine if you're not - some people still want to jump their partner's bones three times a day like when they first got together and that's fine too.
Everyone's different.

Totally normal. You'll probably find it ebbs and flows... but it would be a bit unusual I'd say if he literally couldn't keep him hands off you every moment of the day after 18 months and living together. That stage doesn't last forever. Poor man needs his packed lunch lol

Also good he has stepped in and been kind when you've had a rough time. He sounds like a good guy.

When you feel like it again, why don't you make a move... I bet he will be very happy...

Thank you everyone for the kind replies. I needed to hear that ❤️