No support just threats from education welfare officer

[Whatayear2023]

I'm not sure if I'm just anxious/mad/sad or all three but this isn't what I was expecting.
Son struggled with going to school, he hates school. No bullying and apparently not struggling with work.
His attitude is not great he says things and behaves child like and has what I would call no filter.
At primary attendance officer would come.every week and try to engage him but still was a daily struggle 2 or 3 hours trying.to get him in car for school.
High school was OK for.a while but come year 8 he just didn't want to go full stop again.
The attendance officer there said he isn't thriving and would do better home schooled. The school had said there's nothing more they can do as they have done all they can to try and get him into school ie special room to.go.to, even coming to take him to school!.
I then had to face court for.non attendance or do homeschooling I went for.latter as.this us what son wanted all.along.
He finished.school after Oct half term 2023
Dec 2023 a first call from what she said was an education welfare officer she said she will do a home visit in New.year.
She came this week for first time and I'm still shaking from her visit. I have never been spoken to like that ever I wanted.to.cry so can imagine how son felt.
She came in and I apologised for mess.as we have had a leak in roof which resulted in ceiling caving in upstairs and all mould and damp etc so everything is being re done and replaced. Re done by housing association and replaced by me.
This has all happened over past 4 weeks..
She said I'm in wrong as I should not be paying rent and its legal to withhold rent I said.it.gets taken from universal credit she then had a go that the rent could be used to make.the house fit for living.
Then she said where is all his stuff. I told.her it was.all in his room which took brunt.of.damage.and.everything was taken due.to damage by housing association. She said.im lying so I tried.to.show her pictures.whuch she refused to look at. Told her she can call to verify and.she said no that's.not her job. And that she thinks I've done.nothing. she asked.son is mum a good teacher he replied.fine. she then said that answer is not OK and that she's got concerns.over him saying.fine.
She said he.needs.to.go back to school. I.explained I would rather him be in school but it wasn't working. She said this isn't.working and I either enrol him within 24 hours or she getting an order from court as.im.a.failure.
She asked if I've taken him to gp for anxiety over school I said yes then she asked son if.im telling truth he said yes. I told.her gp said to get support from school. She said infront of son he needs to see gp again as "he's not right, something definitely wrong, I'm no Dr but I see loads.of.children and well he's not right"
I had.some.free gcses books other day and she started raising voice saying why have you got these do you not understand.anything I can't believe you are looking at these books and each one she picked.up slammed.on table.saying no.... then saying so you have nothing.
She said there's a youth worker she could sort out and I said that sounds lovely but son said no. Then she said why would I say yes and she hates.paperwork and having her time wasted so why did I say yes literally 2 secs ago when son just said no.... she asked me if I have mental health issues... I said no and why ask that she said its genetic and could explain why son is way he is with hating school.

I thought she would come and help and advise etc not say these things.

She messaged an hour after leaving asking if forms have been sent in ( she left at 2.15pm ) then I had 2 missed calls straight after. Replied at 3 56pm saying apologies couldn't answer or reply I was on school run (I did tell her have others in school) and only just got in and I left house at 2.30pm so haven't been able to yet but will do.so tonight. She then called again following day which again during school run and left message saying if they are nit in then she's getting a judge right now and I'm in big trouble.
The forms were sent in that night as I said I would.
I don't know anymore what to do

Hang on. She comes into your house with an attitude, being rude and telling you that youre a failure? Id of told her to fuck right off out of the house. Who does she think she is. Thats not the way to help an already stressed out mum with whats best for the child. She’s clearly got the attitude that you are both swinging the lead. Id text her back and ask for her managers email address, write a complaint about her and include shes harassing you. Ive had all the threats of fines/courts too but nothings materialised.

my 15 year old has also had issues with being silly at school/attendance and i have to say, his school have been so supportive. They suggested adhd but since seeing camhs, they said no to that but Asd. My son is now on a reduced timetable and is going to a hands on sessions in different subjects outside of school (still a school setting but not a usual school) 2 days a week. He’s thriving.

do you think there could be something there eg adhd/asd/high anxiety? Could you ask gp to refer to camhs?

Just to add with my son, it was ongoing from Y7-now. Its so difficult as a parent to know whats best for them, especially as your school clearly just wanted them off their books.

Join the Facebook group home education for all. They advise against home visits and phone calls, as it is your wod against theirs. With writing there is a paper trail. They should be able to offer advice with more experience, as most people on aibu won't be home educating.

Join a homeschooling club and get help to put in a complaint.
Shes a bully and you need to stand up to her.

Yes she's now messaged saying I applied for school place when it should be a transfer and if I don't then she will follow her processes as this can't go on...
I asked about the books she said she would order and she said she can't order any books until I've applied for a school.
I have text asking what her process is in writing as all I've been told is its bad...
All she had to do was look at phone or evidence of the roof and ceiling xoming down upstairs to see how all our stuff was lost. Threatening to take me to court due to no work books I don't think this is right? I googled and not sure what they do if they tale kids if she's a social worker I have no idea she never gives a straight answer and if she does changes her mind after...

She asked if I have mental health issues with my 2 kids there is that normal?? She said mental health is genetic and could explain my sons response to her questions

Theres a good group on facebook to join. See picture. Join it as there is so much knowledge on there. Its a great supportive group

Oh, OP, that us just awful, you must be so upset.

You and your son have been treated very badly.

As far as I am aware, it is illegal to force you to homeschool.

When your son struggled so much in primary, was an EHCP applied for or any investigation into possible neurodivergence or Special Education Needs? There really should gave been, initiated by the school. The secondary school also should have done this when he struggled there.

Once you are registered with your local authority's Elective Home School team, they offer a home visit, which is not compulsory and should be be supportive and advisory in nature. You can lawfully refuse this, and they can then request that you provide an annual report instead. There are a couple of Facebook groups where more advice and template reports can ve found.

Your local authority has a responsibility to ensure that children receive an education that is full time and age/ability appropriate, whether this is in school or at home. They should have ensured that your son was receiving this whilst he was enrolled at his schools once he was missing 14 days of school.

The official who visited was absolutely out of order and you are well within your rights to complain.

I would suggest that you write to your head if children's services at your LA, copying in your local council lead for children and education, and ask them to sort this sorry mess out.

I eoukd also be asking your housing association to get your repairs sorted ASAP, and to replace your text books etc immediately.

Can you and your son use a library to study in? There are a lot of free online resources available eg Seneca, BBC bitesize. Keep a log of what he does.

It might be worth making that GP appointment for your son to see if you can get a referral for anxiety for him.

Delia thanks so much for your reply
No assessments have ever been made.
They initially assume its home life then when attendance officers would come weekly or twice a week they could see there was no home issue. Ie domestics. No food etc all of kids have everything they need and no issues other 2 children go to school and eldest in collage and work.
I have been to gp they said to liase with school.
The Hugh school did try but he kept refusing and no one can physically drag him into car
His anger eased loads and it was a relief to not have 2 to 4 hours every morning of saying get up get up by homeschooling
I assumed her role was to support and give advice etc not make a demand within 5 minutes of meeting us and not getting into any detail etc... I was shocked and still am

Just to add the house is being sorted... I got paid 12th Dec... then paid 12th Jan so I have bought 3 beds e mattresses bedding curtains paint boxes for clothes etc I've managed to decorate 3 bedrooms fully and the kitchen and living room in under 3 weeks by myself but that's not good enough apparently.

I'm sure some are but IMO these these officers have no children or ever had problems with children

When i was younger and stupid I blamed bad parenting, now older and wiser, being a parents is damn hard work and some children will just not listen

Good luck OP

btw OP you say shcool is ok, I was bullied at shcool, I'm just over 60 yrs of age - it was different but i did not tell my parents and said all was well and skipped school by pretending to be not well and the last year at shcool i skipped classes

It sounds like you have done amazingly well getting sorted after your leak!

What do you want for you and your son, would you prefer to continue homeschooling, or prefer him to go back to school? What does he want?

It sounds like things are calmer with him home, and if he is engaging with studying you could carry on with that route. I'm sure that you know that there are lots of Fb groups, there is a mumsnet section for homeschooling etc etc. If he wants to sit GCSEs in the future you would have to pay for those, they are currently approx £250 per subject near me. They don't have to all be sat in the same year, and he'd likely need to maths and English at grade 4 or higher to go onto college/an apprenticeship/work.

Equally, if you and he think that he would want to return to school, then obviously you've completed your forms. I would suggest a meeting with any school new school to see about how they will support him, as he obviously needs some good help to be able to attend.

Depending what he wants to do in the future, you could look at whether there is a UTC near to you, or other 14 - 18 provision. Some areas offer an early start in college for children who have been out of formal education for a period of time.

It might help to write a timeline of everything that has happened with his education over the years, what the gp said etc, and gather together any correspondence you have from the Education Welfare Team, both schools and this latest interaction with this official who has most recently got involved, as it might help if he does need an EHCP, referral to CAMHS or anything, plus if you decide to make a complaint. The fact that you have other children attending demonstrates that this isn't a case where you could be accused of not being bothered about education.

Also, have a look at the former school's website for their attendance policy - did they follow it? Were you offered the EBSA process? There are ways that schools and LAs should be supporting children who struggle to attend, and it doesn't sound like you and you son have had this.

This sounds like a nightmare of a person to deal with.
I would be inclined to ask what her problem is.
Seriously, have a good talk to her manager.
You are within your rights to complain.
I would not converse with this lunatic.
The teen years we need grounded people to help and support not a military style lunatic in your face or texting you.

Get on to complaint process asap.
Good luck! Get a friend around if she arrives again.

Thank you both. It's made me feel so much better knowing its not the norm for this type of behaviour from a professional. Despite asking her earlier via text what "the process" is she keeps saying she has still managed to not tell me only that she doesn't have to explain all I need to do is the forms end of. She won't tell me what help I should or could get other than get him to school and talk to teachers ... which I was doing for 3 years! Even with teachers coming to house he refused...
I was concerned about possibility of bullying but school had cctv and they assured me he had a group of friends and appeared playful and happy.
He won't do everything I tell him and likes to do it his own way but he does it.

Sorry this is long and sorry you seem to have met an unprofessional bully of an EWO with an agenda. This is precisely why so many (including myself) have refused home visits and inspections, and provide an educational philosophy and either sample work or photographs to show children out and about engaging in educational opportunities. (Quite possibly your forms?)
You sound like you've been back footed into home ed (as I was, but it turned out to be the best thing that could have happened) Our EWO was frankly seriously thick as well as manipulative, rude, aggressive, and a stranger to truth, to the point that I'm wondering if she could possibly still be operating out there!
She certainly didn't fancy coming to court when it was me doing the suggesting.

As a result of her aggressive un-child welfare centered attitude, she was allowed to lay eyes on my DC in a public setting only, (so she couldn't claim they were hidden) but not to speak to them. I said any normal child centered balanced individuals from social workers to Dr's were totally welcome to talk to and engage with them, but had no intention of allowing them to be subjected to damaging manipulative individuals which included her, and stood my ground.

Her role didn't give her the right to behave unprofessionally to me and especially my children.
No MC elective home ed non HA parent would tolerate it, so why exactly, should I or mine? (Or you and yours?) Because of who I was, or where she positioned me socioeconomically? Well where are my children in this then? I came out swinging, and I seriously suggest you do too. Use the complaints procedure, go on the offensive.

Please think about this, you are coming from a place of defense because of your circumstances/upbringing/socioeconomic status/threats of court etc. (as I initially did) It isn't good for you or your Dc's.
I couldn't have written like this when it was all happening to me, I'd have used different language. I'm using the language I am here, because this is how you need to present yourself to piss back on people who dare abuse their position.
(I successfully took the LA to court for my dc's education budget in the end)

If you aren't on the home ed boards here, I suggest going there, and to your local home ed support group. If you don't want to home ed, that's fine, but the decisions about your Ds needs, need to be being taken by you first. It is literally the legal requirement that you as a parent are responsible for providing educational provision, in school or otherwise. Don't be pushed around, do whatever is best for your chid/rens present and future.
I'm a bit out of date, but you are only required to provide proof of educational provision if an allegation is made that you aren't providing sufficient education. This is required to be made in writing, and responded to in writing, not what's being done to you over availability of books for inspection at the drop of a hat etc. (Only a long way down the line of a disputed education provision should something like that be going on.) I'd get some advice and refuse further visits based on the unprofessional potentially damaging approach taken.

Yes as soon as I explained about the house and everything was damaged and subsequently binned she said I'm a liar and said to son "I think someone's telling fibs"... if I was in her position and was offered evidence of damage then I wouldn't assume nothing has been learnt and turn around and say you are lying you have failed your son by not giving him an education it's back to school or my process which is going to be bad really bad for you" I.would have thought she would have left it 2 or so weeks and came back to see what's done but nope.
I wasn't aware I could refuse a visit or phone calls. She said it I do not reply then she follows her process.. I answered whilst driving to school this afternoon as knew I would have yet another message about failure to answer when she knows I'm driving... I even sent a message earlier to their dad saying I would bet my life she calls at 2.45 to 3pm when she knows I'm driving purely to say I have ignored her call... she was calling to see if the forms were.done as it was Almost an hour since she sent the link and I had not told her It was done. Again totally ignored My request for info about process she keeps on about

She acted inappropriately in front of him. Complain

Echoing others: you do not have to have any meetings or phone calls. Given how awful this person has been, it's advisable to write and tell them to keep everything in writing. That has a number of advantages.

You can show the letters to other people to get advice on how to respond. The main home ed charities have some very experienced volunteers who know a lot about the law. They will help you.

When everything is in writing, you have proof of who said what. They cannot twist your words or make accusations based on their prejudice or assumptions. They also may behave better when it's all in writing because it would be easier for you to make a complaint - they can't deny what they said when it's in black and white!

You can deal with it without upsetting your child. A child who was so deeply unhappy at school is bound to feel very anxious about someone in a position of authority threatening to send him back! He doesn't need to witness somebody undermining you and calling you a liar.

Send them a letter, then stop answering the phone to them and turn them away if they appear on your doorstep. Do be sure to answer all letters, however. If you seem to be ignoring them, they may escalate toward legal action. You would almost certainly win a court case if you get good advice and present your information well, but it's better to avoid the stress of that.