To not want to go on holiday?

[blackbirdsinginginthenight]

Just want to start by saying I know how fortunate I am to afford holidays, this isn't supposed to be boastful at all I'm just fed up of constant arguments with my DH.

Dh is an avid traveller, which means we have had some brilliant holidays over the years.

I am a teacher, and so although I get plenty of holiday time, I'm limited to when I can go away as it has to match the school holidays.

Dh booked Eurostar tickets to Disney Paris a few months ago for one of our DC birthday, and then sent me the screen shot. We had chatted about it but nothing was set in stone, but I was pleased he'd got the ball rolling.

Two weeks after that is Easter, and DH has booked two weeks off work. We had a look at a few locations, we spoke about taking DC on their first long haul flight, and looked at some exciting options. Nothing booked yet though, although we'd need to do it soon due to vaccines etc.

Some context- we moved away from family a few years ago, and so I try to take DC to see both sets of grandparents regularly or arrange for them to come to us. Again, as a teacher, this is easiest during school holidays.

It turns out Disney is booked for Mother's Day weekend, and I really would like to take my mum and his mum out and treat them with the DC, both are getting older and I think both would really appreciate this, and I know I'd enjoy it as well. I've suggested moving Disney back a weekend but it will cost more and DH really unhappy about it, doesn't see why it is important and so on. I've offered to move the trains and to pay for this myself, but DH still being huffy and puffy.

The long haul trip falls over Easter, and equally id like some time off just to catch up with friends and family, have Easter celebrations together, and take a break from a really busy time of year at work. The cost of the holiday we were looking at is the cost of a new bathroom, and we are very slowly doing up our house, and I think the money could be better spent there. AIBU to change my mind about holidays?

We went away for nye, we are away for feb half term, May half term and three weeks in the summer holiday. We aren't short for trips.

My DH thinks I'm being so unreasonable, ruining his year, taking opportunities off my DC, says he will go without me and take the DC with him. I don't like bringing up the conversation as he makes it so personal I don't feel like I can speak for myself, I always end up crying as it gets so heated.

i think you are UR about the Disney thing. You surely know by now when Mothers Day is in the UK? (alternative: take your mums out when everyone else in the world celebrates in May?)

Easter, I'm with you. I like to have pure downtime pottering around sometimes.

It's Mother's Day... Spend the time with your dc on a trip away...
Presumably dps and ils are grown up enough to understand you are allowed to celebrate too.

Sounds lovely to take your mother and MiL out but why does it need to be on that weekend?
It's not any more important to spend time with them on a weekend designated as mother's day than any other.

Do the trip as planned, take them out another weekend

As to Easter, money and energy might be better used elsewhere than a holiday but the real issue is why you and your husband cannot communicate about this without ending in tears. Do you often give way and let him decide things? Is he pushing back on this?

I would let the Disney one go BUT the bigger issue here is that trip booking should be done as a team and you both agree on going or not and when you go.

We don’t go on as expensive trips as yours but we do go on quite a few mini breaks and holidays and sometimes I say we just need some time at home to be in our home and off work.

If you do find that one person does or doesn’t want to go on as many trips then the solution is that someone goes without them and someone misses out. Make sure you go on the trips you simply can’t miss out on and miss the others and enjoy the peace at home.

The mothers day thing wouldn't bother me - you can still treat your mum /mil a different weekend when it's less busy and less expensive (mothers day prices are always more expensive!).

The Easter thing would bother me - you are not being unreasonable at all. You don't get any non-work time at home by the sounds of it. End of term is always frantic and to have to pack suitcases and be full of energy to jump on a plane every time you get a break from work would exhaust me. Given that you have every other school holiday booked up I think it's totally reasonable to have Easter at home, and getting the bathroom done sounds like a good alternative use for the money. The kids might also value the time at home if they rarely get to see friends and family in their holidays, if they are always jetting off somewhere.

Hope you can make him see sense, he sounds a bit selfish, like the trip/destination is more important than what the other members of his family feel/want.

Id leave disney as its just a weekend .

The other trips neither of you is unreasonable. I can see the wanting some time off to just decompress at home or visot family and friends.

However, I also understand why your oh wants to go away if you can afford it. Can you compromise and do 2 of the trips? Or take husband up on the offer of just him and kids going?

I think yabu about Disney, you can do a mother's day thing another weekend

It sounds like you have a bigger issue though as you can't talk to him

It sounds like he books the trips without telling you so he has control, if he discussed it with you first then he’d have to get your agreement/make compromises so he organizes it all so you’ll have to do what he’s decided.
That’s not really fair and family holidays should be something you both agree on (dates, budget and locations) before anything gets booked.

I sort of understand his point of view because I’m like him and want to travel as much as I can, I see annual leave that we just spend at home as ‘wasted’. But that doesn’t mean I get to decide for my husband and kids, we all need to compromise a bit to make sure we all get holidays that we enjoy.
I’m definitely more of a planner and enjoy looking up holiday options but then I discuss those options with DH before booking anything.

I think I’d probably go on these holidays that he’s booked. You can always take your mum and MIL out the following weekend for a Mother’s Day treat (it’ll probably be nicer because it’ll be less busy- I’d just send some flowers and a card to arrive on the day with a message about taking them for lunch/afternoon tea the following weekend). The Easter holiday thing is more annoying because I know it’s a busy/tiring time of year for teachers. I’d have a serious discussion with him about how in future you expect to be involved in the planning of any trips/holidays and that nothing gets booked until you’ve both agreed all the details.

The Disney trip is non-issue. You can take your mother and MIL out any weekend you want.
For Easter, let him go away with the kids and stay at home. No reason why those who want to go should miss out on a trip because you want to stay at home.

The bigger issue is that he just goes ahead and books things without asking you if you’re ok with it. You’re a married couple, you should be deciding things together instead of him making plans and imposing them on you.

If I had the money I’d be a bit like your DH, having holidays all the time. But I wouldn’t plan anything without discussing with my husband and if he didn’t want to go, I wouldn’t drag him along. And I certainly wouldn’t get huffy if he wanted to move a trip to a later weekend and it cost a bit more.

If your children are little and not yet at school why doesn't he take them away cheaply in term time and you spend Easter hols at home with them?

YABU about the Disney one, a date is just a date and it's already booked.

I love a good holiday, but I couldn't be arsed with as many as you describe, never any down time or time to see family and friends. I wouldn't go on the easter one but I'd let him crack on.

I think you need to talk to your husband about expectations around holidays .
If it makes you tired , stressed it’s not really a holiday is it?
I think you need to stress how important time at home is for you to rewind. There’s nothing to stop him and the kids going together but you OP need to step off the roundabout once in a while.
Dont cancel Disney but you do need to rethink future holidays and decide together.
It sounds like your H doesn’t get the value of just being home to relax.
Maybe some time to separately do the things you enjoy. Being married doesn’t mean you have to be together every minute