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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that he should help more/wake up earlier with our 15 month old?

4 replies

Aaaaahay · 02/02/2024 09:00

I am currently a SAHM, my partner works full time, from home 3 out of 5 days. We have an agreement that I do shopping, clean and cook, and he walks the dog and does the dishes. Childcare falls almost 100% on me, (I have to ask him to change a nappy even if he is taking care of our son after work or on a weekend while I am doing something else, and I am sick of it). I have to badger him to get out of bed every morning to take the dog out before work otherwise this will fall on me. He has never been great at getting up or taking the dog out enough and just leaves the dog in all day without taking him to the toilet. He has recently been 'forgetting' a lot so the dog is obviously pent up and needs the toilet. I do every night wake and night feed as our son is still breastfeeding and we Co-sleep but partner doesn't wake to the sound of crying. Partner expects this to continue (me waking every day with baby) while he has a lie in. On a weekday this usually looks like me and my son waking at 7 or 8 and him rolling out of bed at 9 and straight away starting work. On a weekend I have to wake him up or he will sleep untill 12pm and he is super grumpy and tired every day when I tell him to get up. I feel like this is his fault as he doesn't get up to take the dog out, so ends up doing it in the evening as well as the dishes which takes him forever, and then he spends the rest of the night playing video games or watching YouTube until 1,2,3 in the morning. I go to bed with our son at 7/8pm as he likes an early bedtime and still feeds to sleep. Me and my partner are on completely different schedules, am I being unreasonable to think and expect him to go to bed earlier, waking up earlier, be taking the dog out in the mornings, and wanting to do this so the dog is looked after properly and he has more time to spend with his family?! How can I get him to see this without nagging him/ feeling like im being his mother? I'm tired of it!

Sorry for the long post. I needed to vent.

OP posts:
Beezknees · 02/02/2024 09:02

You can't. He won't change unless he wants to.

He's not a good parent. You have to tell him to change his own child's nappy? That's neglectful.

You'd be better off on your own.

Muddywalks34 · 02/02/2024 09:05

The poor dog, it doesn’t matter who does it but one of you need to be getting him out for the toilet first thing, if neither of you can be arsed then you really should find him a home that will take proper care of him

ZekeZeke · 02/02/2024 09:09

Was he always like this? What a lazy tosser.
He won't change.
Get back to work, that would be my first advice.
Keep yourself financially independent.
Get rid of the dog and him. Imagine how simple your life will be.
I mean, what exactly does he bring to the table?
Please don't say he is a great dad because great dad's don't do this kind of shit.

underneaththeash · 02/02/2024 09:10

You're not spending any time together though, you're going to bed far too early and he's going to bed too late. Feeding to sleep at 15mo is ridiculous.

I think it's easy to get stuck in a rut and neglect your relationship - you're both doing it. You need to sit down and have a chat and do a bit of rekindling before it's too late.

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