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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Leaving DP for “liking” females social media selfies

16 replies

Purpleskiesabove · 01/02/2024 19:24

Been with DP for 10 years. 2 DC together. For the first 3/4 years I found lots of messages to other females whilst we were together - often of a sexual nature, pretending he didn’t have a GF, talking about meeting up etc. he did meet up with some of these females, drove some home after they’d been on a night out etc. when I found out, he always claimed and swore nothing physical happened.

stupidly I always “forgave” him and didn’t leave. I should have ran a mile right at the beginning.

he also used to “like” females thirst trap photos/half naked photos/selfies of girls he did and didn’t know. I made my feelings very clear that I wasn’t okay with this and I classed it as emotional cheating. he continued to “like” them in phases…I’d find out, he’d stop for a while and then restart the cycle…

it’s taken so much hard work to get to a point where I felt I could finally trust him. The past few years have been okay; despite being turbulent in other areas. I finally felt that I could trust him.

however I found that he’d started “liking” tonnes of these photos again. And has always been commenting on them, showing his attraction to them.

I’ve confronted him and I feel that enough is enough, I need to leave. He tells me it’s all harmless, he doesn’t see it as cheating and has said I’m crazy for planning to leave because of some photos.

AIBU for planning to leave purely based on the current situation of a large amount of liking and commenting on these photos?

or

AIBU for planning to leave based on everything mentioned above?

I feel I know the answer, I just need validation and the confidence to push through - if I’m not being unreasonable of course.

OP posts:
AllProperTeaIsTheft · 01/02/2024 19:27

Urgh. You should have left him at the beginning, but better late than never!

GrumpyPanda · 01/02/2024 19:29

Tell him you're leaving him for being a sleazebag.

35965a · 01/02/2024 19:29

Hes cheated on you left, right and centre. I don’t know how you can even look at him OP. It’s not just the photos it’s the whole history - the lies, the meeting up with women (to cheat)

Purpleskiesabove · 01/02/2024 19:29

Just to add, do most people class this sort of picture “liking” on social media as being unfaithful and cheating emotionally?

OP posts:
Thepeopleversuswork · 01/02/2024 19:30

YABU for not leaving him years ago. What on earth made you think staying with a disrespectful, lying sleaze would be better than being on your own?

Leave him already.

YeahIsaidit · 01/02/2024 19:32

I'd leave for the actual cheating. I don't think liking pictures on SM is cheating of any kind

edissa · 01/02/2024 19:32

What's a "thirst trap photo"?

But yeah I'd be leaving him too tbh.

Thepeopleversuswork · 01/02/2024 19:33

Purpleskiesabove · 01/02/2024 19:29

Just to add, do most people class this sort of picture “liking” on social media as being unfaithful and cheating emotionally?

It doesn’t matter how other people class this. You find it disrespectful (and so would I.) Stop worrying about what other people will think.

Whether or not what he’s doing meets some arbitrary societal threshold called cheating isn’t the point. The point is that you feel undermined and insulted by it. Listen to your own feelings.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 01/02/2024 19:37

He didn't just meet up with girls to give them a lift home, did he?

I wouldn't class liking photos of loads of women as cheating. Personally I would class it as unacceptable, especially when he knows your feelings on it and repeatedly did this, after promising not to.

ChekhovsMum · 01/02/2024 19:40

Can you hack into his SM accounts and ‘like’ as many pictures of men as you can find? He’s not allowed to mind because it’s ‘only some pictures’.
Then leave him, obviously.

Universalsnail · 01/02/2024 19:40

I would leave him yes because this isn't just about him liking social media posts this is far more then that. Get rid.

WiddlinDiddlin · 01/02/2024 19:45

Doesn't matter what most people class it as.

You don't like it.

You've made it very clear you are uncomfortable with it and it upsets you.

It is not an unreasonable thing to ask him to stop doing/not do.

He continues to do it.

Therefore it is easy to extrapolate he does not care about your feelings, his amusement is more important to him. If he doesn't care about your feelings over something like this, what will he do over more serious things, will he ignore how you feel then too?

If thats a deal breaker for you, then it is, leave.

LizHoney · 01/02/2024 19:46

YeahIsaidit · 01/02/2024 19:32

I'd leave for the actual cheating. I don't think liking pictures on SM is cheating of any kind

Yup

Hatty65 · 01/02/2024 19:58

I'd have left him years ago. He's sleazy.

However, you made it abundantly clear to him on numerous occasions that you found this upsetting, that you weren't okay with it and that you considered it emotional cheating.

He's a dickhead if he thinks it's ok to do it and then insist he's done nothing wrong and you are wrong to leave over it. You get to choose your boundaries and what you will tolerate, not him. He's the crazy one - he couldn't give a shit about you, and he prioritised his own pathetic little perving over your feelings, and is now outraged that you're going to leave him over it.

Please do.

RowanMayfair · 01/02/2024 20:13

Purpleskiesabove · 01/02/2024 19:29

Just to add, do most people class this sort of picture “liking” on social media as being unfaithful and cheating emotionally?

No, but I would consider it weird, immature and sleazy and combined with his clear efforts to cheat for real in the past he's just gross.

spicedlemonpie · 01/02/2024 21:20

So you feel he`s cheated because he likes pics on SM thats not cheating.
But he has cheated with others and you care more about the likes online.

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