To book the family dentist appointment or not? AIBU?

[Abs2010]

So I know this might sound petty, but it keeps getting brought up as an issue and would love to get some opinions.

Back in lockdown our regular family dentist appointments got cancelled, we haven't always gone together but somewhere along the way it became joint. So when they reopened after a few years I asked my partner to book them back in. He didn't and no matter how much I asked it didn't get done. For context I'm the parent that ends up doing all appointments/life admin/finances, whilst having a more than full time job, doing most droppping off and picking up for school clubs, plus washing tidying cleaning etc. So i thought it was reasonable to ask him to do this task.

As it never got done, I went ahead and booked it with just me and the kids. I know its petty but I'm so frustrated with being the one that has to be reliable 100% of the time. I also question actually why we even have a family appointment. Surely its a bit weird really for a family four to sit and wait 1 by 1 for each person to get checked, plus you then have to try and find an appointment all four of you can make.

He never noticed at the time and never said a thing until eventually he had something wrong with his tooth he tried to get an appointment. By this time he hadn't been for so long that they'd actually removed him from the system. So now he keeps bringing up how for some reason i have a problem with booking a simple appointment and apparently I'm in the wrong. I felt a bit bad about him being removed, but at the time thought well actually maybe thats a good lesson. However its just turned into more of an issue where its my fault.

So, question is am I being unreasonable? Should I have booked him into family appointment so all four of us could go together or as he's a fully grown adult capable of taking care of himself he should book his own?

If booking appointments for you all isn't important to him, why should his appointment be important to you? This is weaponised incompetence - you are not in the wrong!

Not petty at all, you’re not his PA.

He is an adult.

My husband makes his own arrangements and I make mine and the kids. We take them together but for our appointments we go separately whilst they're at school as we're retired so can choose a quiet time. Its quite tricky I would have thought for the dentist to magic up a block of 4!

I’d book one for myself and my kids, makes sense to get the kids all checked at once rather than remembering them all on different timetables, and then to take advantage of me being there to do my own as well. But I wouldn’t include my husband in that. Partly as finding an appointment all 5 of us can make is a stretch but also, I’m mainly sorting it for my kids and piggybacking on it myself, he can sort himself out.

His teeth, his responsibility. And not yours!

If it wasn't for you the rest of the family would have been deregistered

Perhaps there are some other admin things you're doing for him that you could pass back to him while your at it

YANBU - if he couldn't be bothered to sort it out, why should you?
We do actually go as a family of 4 - our dentist ditched all NHS patients during COVID, so we had to find a new one. Thankfully got one, & our initial appointment was all together, one after the other. As no one has needed additional work done, we've retained the group appointment & go every 6 months; once on Feb half term & once in the summer holidays. Works well for us.

let me guess

this issue is just one of many in this relationship?

YANBU.

You're not the secretary.

We did go en masse but then dh complained that the time didn't suit him. It's just me and the DC now. His teeth, his problem, mainly because I am not his diary secretary.

Yanbu. We all used to be at the same dentist and I made family appointments when the kids were small. But somewhere along the line dh wasn't able to make an appointment, was supposed to reschedule and didn't, so was removed. He simply found himself a different dentist that would take him. I still take the 4dc and make one appointment for 5 of us, because it suits me to only have 1 trip where possible.

For their orthodontist appointments, whichever one of us can get the time off takes them, and books the next appointment.

Your dh is being VU to expect you to take care of his diary as if you're a secretary. He's a flipping adult.

Thanks for the replies. Its great to have some context from how others work it out. I get obviously 1 adult needs to be there for the kids, but once I'd thought about it I was questioning the need for all four of us.

Annoyingly despite me trying to discuss this he's refusing to listen and can't remember me ever asking him conviniently! We do usually communicate quite well and he's aware overall about me picking up most of the load. Originally it was my job due to being part time, but I've been doing over 30 hours for years now and at least the last year 37+ hours.

I am trying to work out how to hand over more admin tasks but I'm not great at asking for help and when i do it often doesn't get done. We've been in a relationship since we were teens so its harder to break those learnt habits.

So now he keeps bringing up how for some reason i have a problem with booking a simple appointment and apparently I'm in the wrong

he sounds unpleasant

He should be capable of making his own appointments!

I make mine and DS as we go at the same time. DH makes his own. Its far easier this way as we may not know full details of other person's calendar so trying to make an appointment we could definitely make would be hard. Even knowing full details, scheduling one where we could all go together would be tricky with other commitments.

I go with the 5 kids Everytime. My partner couldn't get in at the same dentist so he's elsewhere

As a dentist, I would prefer you bring the kids and have separate child free appointments for you and your DH.
HTH

And actually if you follow strict GDPR rubbish you shouldn’t be able to do yon his behalf! Tell him that. He’s an adult, do you brush his teeth for him too?

I’d be the incompetent husband in this situation - I am terrible at booking appointments, remembering if I’ve booked them, and I’m frankly in awe that anyone is capable of coordinating four schedules like this!

I’d be ashamed to complain in this situation and be quietly sorting something out for myself without drawing more attention to my incompetence.

On the other hand my dh wouldn’t leave me out to make a passive aggressive point.

I suppose I add enough value to the relationship in other ways though that it doesn’t feel like an uneven balance of responsibility and labour.