Rude and competitive?

[killthecontract]

A colleague was telling me about her new car and showing me photos etc, I personally didn’t like it BUT I was polite and took an interest and said how great it looked. I then mentioned I’d bought a new car too, she asked what it was and straight away said how basic they look inside.

And today she mentioned something about my phone and I said I can finally upgrade now. She asked what I was getting and I said probably the iPhone 15 and she instantly said she got the 14 because she heard how rubbish the 15 was.

Like who cares what car or phone someone has? I just smile and say how nice because it’s not me paying/using either of them so my opinion doesn’t matter. I don’t get the need to put others down and say how rubbish what they have is.

The comment about the car was rude, I dont think the iPhone comment was.

It sounds like she has self esteem issues and puts you down to make herself feel better. I would let it slide off.

She sounds incredibly irritating and yes, she's also rude. I had a colleague who was a bit like this - her particular thing was that if anyone bought anything even slightly expensive, she would immediately pipe up to tell it was a silly waste of money and that they could/should have paid a lot less for something she claimed was better. For example, I once popped out at lunchtime to spend some gift vouchers I'd been given, and bought a set of six Le Creuset mugs. When she saw the box poking out of the bag she immediately said 'Oh, I had some of those that I got as a present and they're a right rip-off, they chipped more easily than any other mugs I've ever had, you'd have been better off going in somewhere like Asda, they must have seen you coming if you spent that much money on some mugs.'

Twelve years later I still have all six mugs and none of them are chipped, so if you're reading this, Debbie, maybe you just chipped all yours because you're a ham-fisted idiot, eh?

Ultimately, though, your annoying colleague is just a colleague. She's not your friend and her bullshit opinions don't matter, so just try to rise above it if you can. You know she's talking out of her backside. For example, with her comment about your car, say something in a bright and cheery voice like "I love it, personally - not basic at all and absolutely perfect for my needs!" with a big and slightly patronising smile.

I think you're both as bad as one another. You didn't like her car but then went on to show off your own new car thinking it was better and she'd be jealous of it 😂

Now you know she does this it will be easier to manage her in future - resist the temptation to get drawn into the competition, compliment her stuff, ask her questions like 'does it have good features' and let her ramble on.
Then refuse to talk about your stuff.

Definitely not.

She went into a long speech about all the features and showing me photos etc. I was nice and complimented it and I mentioned that I’d just got a new car too as it was relevant to the conversation. She asked what it was and then just sniffed that it was basic inside.

The cars whilst different makes aren’t that different, same year, same size etc. I just personally didn’t like the colour/shape of hers - but that’s my personal preference and doesn’t make mine better in any way. It’s not like she was raving about a 2004 Fiat and I have a 2023 Porsche.

I didn’t think she would be jealous of mine because I’d assume she could have got the same one as I did if that’s the model she wanted.

Pffft. I used to work with a woman we nicknamed "Black dog". Because if you had a black dog, she'd have one blacker.

It wound me up no end until I gradually realised that EVERYONE thought it was hilarious and laughed at her behind her neck. It's pure and simple insecurity, but in a nasty nasty person. Because not all insecure people do that. Most are very humble.

Insecure and nasty - so every time just remember it's not you, it's her.

I've had someone laugh at me because i have a 1l eco boost fiesta and they have a BMW. Number 1, I dont like bmws and number if I wanted one I would have got one

Just laugh it off and say ‘it’s a not a competition you know!’

I think it's your colleague who's basic inside. Avoid and save your chitchat for nicer people who want to talk about interesting things.

You sound as bad as her. You didn't need to mention either your car or your phone but you couldn't resist.

'That's nice'- repeat every time she mentions her new purchases.
'Oh, I'll get/I got what works for me'- repeat every time she mentions your purchases.

If this happens to me, I go a bit overboard with “oh that’s fabulous, I’d love one of those, aren’t you lucky”, without explaining why I haven’t purchased said item for myself. They are looking for validation and it takes 10 seconds to shut them up.

Lol.

What do you think I did, run into the office and jump on her desk and say “hey guess what! I just got a new car and a new phone!” And then forced her to watch a PowerPoint presentation.

Who gives a shit about new phones? She mentioned my phone (if you read the OP) and I just said as an off hand comment that thankfully I can upgrade now (mine is shit as in barley works, cracked screen), I never said what I was upgrading to - she asked me. It’s got nothing to do with “not resisting” because no one gives a shit what phone anyone has.

Why if someone goes on and on and on about their new car is it “bad” for me to just say I know it’s exciting because I just got a new car too after driving a 10 year old car that broke down constantly. I never mentioned anything about the car.

Jesus. People on MN are so odd, like no one is jealous of my new phone or car, I don’t need external validation for buying an iPhone - that actually is on contract so it’s not even bought. 50% of the country has one it’s really not a big deal…

She's a stupid competitive twat. Just say oh lovely or how nice dear and don't give her ammo. I've worked with idiots like this.

My point was, by mentioning your phone and car you’re trying to keep up with her nonsense, which just invites her to say stupid things in reply. Just nod & smile and she’ll have nothing to say. Quite basic really. It’s not about whether it’s “bad” to talk about your new car but you’re the one getting upset, not her.

But I didn’t mention my new phone, she commented on how bad my phone looked and I said I know, thankfully I can upgrade it soon.

And if someone was talking to you about moving house and showing you photos of their new house whilst you said how lovely it was to be polite and you’d just moved too, would it not be relevant to say I just moved too. Because you have something in common? If that person then turned around and said - what location? Oh that a crap area. That’s a weird reaction.

If she has got an older phone model than what you are wanting to get it’s probably jealousy OP.
Trying to put you off getting the newer more shiny model. Get the 15!!

So stop worrying about being polite. She's not.

YANBU I don’t think it’s what you’re actually buying that’s the issue or jealousy, it’s her behaviour. You’re being professional and kind but she’s not reciprocating that. I don’t think she’s jealous I think she’s closed minded to the idea that other people like other things and possibly has quite a boring life to care so much about someone else’s car and phone.

''if someone was talking to you about moving house and showing you photos of their new house whilst you said how lovely it was to be polite and you’d just moved too, would it not be relevant to say I just moved too.''

In a normal conversation that response would be reasonable. But she isn't trying to start a normal conversation, she is trying to play one upmanship.
So if she talks about moving house, instead of saying 'Oh, me too! Show me your house and I'll show you mine' say 'its supposed to be one of the most stressful things you can do, isn't it. Do you know of a good removals company?''