Mum relocating closer to NC toxic brother

[Worriedsickremum]

And I'm worried sick. Name change for obvious reasons.
I live 6 hours away from mum. My NC brother is an hour and a half away from mum. We lost my dad 3 years ago. I've had LC with brother for almost 15 years now,but went NC just after my dad died ,after lots of verbal abuse to me and my young son at the time and other toxic behaviour over the years. Found out about 10 years ago that he borrowed my dad's redundancy of 14 grand and never paid it back. Also harassed my dad on his deathbed for more money. My dad was in tears and got hysterical when he found out brother was on his way to visit him in hospital. He was in such a bad way. Said he was tempted to hang himself using his drip. It was an awful time. My dad and brother was never close and tolerated eachother. Since dad passed,he and his wife,despite living closer,never made the effort to visit mum until a few months ago. Now they have pressured mum to moving closer to them. I'm worried about their motives. I'm also worried because my mum wouldn't tell me anything as she knows how I feel about him and wouldn't want to make me think worse of him.

I've made peace knowing that I wouldn't be seeing him again. My depression and anxiety has improved. Now it seems I'll likely see them again if she moves closer. I have no contact details for them and they don't have mine. Im also worried that if god forbid anything happening to mum,they wouldn't even tell me even if they had my details. I'm worried sick about various things..I just don't trust them and it's giving me sleepless nights 😞

It's the contact issue that you need to sort out. Have you asked your mum about this? My sister was going to be my mum's executor but I was her NOK on her medical records.

Myself and brother are both executors. My dad spoke to me and asked if I was ok with it and I said I think my aunt would be better instead of him but he passed before he could change it 😔

I've no idea who's listed as NOK. Assuming I am as I'm the eldest.

your mum may change that no? I’m assuming, by his behaviour with your poor dad, that he is motivated by money and might pressure your mum to change the will?

I don’t think there is anything you can do other than try to keep contact with her. Try your best to discourage her from moving near him, but at the end of the day if she chooses to there isn’t much you can do. Obviously just keep your boundaries tight.

Well you need a conversation about it. Did your Mum and Dad have miror wills? Your Mum can change the executors. I think that you have to share some of your concerns with her. However ultimately it's her choice and he is her son. Havevyou discussed the reasons for move?

Not just the will but possible abuse and that he e might make her distance herself from me and the rest of the family. I hope I'm thinking the worst and it never happens but his past history has made me paranoid and worried for her.

Yes in regular contact. Visiting over Easter so will have a good chat but I don't know how to explain my worries without accusing my brother of anything he's not yet done and hopefully won't,and keep things open that she feels she can tell me things. At the moment she isn't. She hasn't told me that brother is looking at property near him,for mum. I was told this by my aunt. 😔

Yes its a mirror will.
My mum wants to downsize as just her in a big house which needs a lot of work doing,and she can't maintain it. She has a good network of friends where she is at the moment.

I suppose rather than accuse him of thinks he isn’t done you could focus on things he has done. “Remember with dad he did XYZ…..I am worried he will do the same with you.”

Do you feel able to say no on her behalf if she wants you to? Is it worth getting copies of her financial situation as it is currently so if he does do anything you have evidence for police or court?