To be annoyed / angry at my mother

[Newbie887]

We are living with my parents until April (have been since Dec), and my mum keeps making little comments about how much my daughter is eating. She is 6. Very active.

Today at dinner she is the only child out of my three who would eat any curry, and so gets lots of praise from grandma. But then she ends up asking for thirds (after a small starting portion and a small top up of more green beans), and my mum then does an about turn and asks her whether she should really be eating more, does she need it etc. My daughter says she wants it, and then my mum outright tells her she needs to be careful about what she eats because otherwise she will get fat.

Now. This has infuriated / shocked / saddened me. My mum did the same to me growing up and after a few public shamings I would secret eat instead.

However, I understand that it comes from a place of her wanting my daughter (and me) to not be unhealthy. As an adult I definately have to watch what I eat, I have one of those bodies / metabolisms that isn’t naturally thin and my daughter probably will as well.

So what is the best thing to do about this situation given we have to live here and eat with them until at least April? Is it unreasonable to point out to a 6 year old the correlation between eating lots and getting fat, or not? Am I being too sensitive or is my mother acting like the dad from Little Miss Sunshine??

Mom,
I'm so appreciative of a place to live and we love being around you and the family. Please refrain from saying anything about food quantities to DD. Those exact comments really hurt when I was a child and I don't want the same for DD. It may be tough and I know you mean well but if you could hold your tongue for 3 more months! Under my parenting, DD may eat what and how much she likes.

If your daughter is a healthy weight then your mother's comments are ridiculous. If she is overweight I could understand her concern, but that should be something she takes up with you in private, not pointing out to her 6 year old GD. Tbh it sounds like the laying of foundations for an eating disorder!

Just because you are living in her house until April it doesn't mean she can undermine you as a parent and that is how this appears. It is your decision on what portions your child should have.

YANBU. The sad truth is these things often have very little to do with health and everything to do with vanity.

It sounds like these comments run deeper for you as they are reminder of how your mum effected your relationship with food, and now you are watching the same thing happen to your daughter in real time.

I suspect if you explained this to your mum she would be in disbelief and claim she only ever wanted the best for you which is frustrating, but it is what it is.

I’d try and broach the subject from a different angle, explain you don’t want your daughter worrying about her weight at such a young age. She’s happy, active and healthy.

Besides, she’s asking for extra helping of home cooked curry and veg, she’s not being plied with sweets and crisps.

If you’d said that she asked for more McDonald’s your dm may have had grounds to suggest an alternative (although she shouldn’t refuse food or say that she’ll get fat), but a 6 year old is not going to overeat real food. I love my dd’s school because there is no stigma there in eating a decent portion of homemade food. The girls can go for seconds and thirds if they like, dd says that most of them do (they are also very sporty and active) and none of them are overweight. Issues with food arise from a build up of niggly comments and disapproval like this. Speak to your dm.