To be this upset about racist Dad

[DLlama]

I am low contact with my Dad for over 20 years. I have a half brother who is in his early 20’s who I don’t know very well. I moved overseas about 10 years ago and had a baby one year ago. My Dad and brother asked if they could visit for two weeks to catch up and see the baby. I said yes and they booked 4 weeks which is longer than I agreed to.

The day after they arrived my Dad is napping and I’m talking to my brother. He told me how four black people seemed to be cutting in front of the line getting on to the plane and Dad complained loudly and used the N word. My brother then said he’s always using slur’s when watching sports and he has to tell Dad not to say things.

Brother is chuckling like he is telling a funny story about dear old Dad. I was upset and excused myself. They’ve been here 6 days and I’m struggling having these people in my house.

For additional context, my Dad is 70 and took multiple flights and 24 hrs to get here, so I can’t just send him home.

My husband isn’t black but we are a mixed race couple so I keep thinking what does Dad really think of my DH and DS and how can I allow him around my family.

I got laid off before Christmas so Dad is just following me around the house all day wanting to chat and catch up and I want to be nowhere near him.

DH suggests we do nothing unless we witness it directly, but 6 days in and I’m struggling. What would you do? How do I cope for three more weeks?

Have you never had any suspicions of your dad's racism before now?
Whilst it's unpleasant and i can understandyour feelings, this is hearsay from your brother.

I would do as your husband suggests and not say anything unless you hear or witness this racism yourself and just quietly count down the days until he leaves.
Any future visits I'd make absolutely sure the booking is only for the time you've agreed.

Have you heard dad say these things or is it half brother in a mission to cause division so you'll cut dad off and he'll be the sole beneficiary when dad dies??

You haven't actually witnessed your dad doing anything wrong yet so I think this is an extreme reaction. I would also be suspicious as usually if someone behaved the way your brother said your dad did someone else would challenge him or intervene. Carry on as normal and just wait to see if he actually shows any racist views or behaviour around you, if so address it straight away but otherwise try and give him the benefit of the doubt

Four weeks?!?!?!!!

The OP mentions it was the N word and nothing about Australians.

Interesting you mention a W word said by Australians. An Australian once described someone as a 3 letter W word in conversation at work to me once. They thought it was fine but we had to tell them that it was in fact highly offensive and they would be in serious trouble if they ever said it again. Or do you mean “Wanker”? Can’t think of any other W words?

4 weeks seems a bit long. Have they actually got return tickets?

I don’t think you can say anything unless you witness it yourself but I would try to make myself busy so you are not with them 24/7

Well that is a bit of a dramatic leap

Thanks all for your comments. To answer some questions, I’ve not witnessed my Dad being racist or suspected it, but we aren’t close so we rarely talk. This is the third time I’ve seen him in 10 years. He was a crap Dad but I always thought at least he’s not a bad person, but truth is I don’t really know him well.

Yes return flights are already booked. I don’t think my brother has any reason to lie or cause trouble. I think he was sharing because he genuinely thought it was funny.

Logically, what you are all recommending makes sense. I’m a bit surprised by how much this hit me emotionally. My husband has shared with me times he has encountered racism and how that impacted him. I also have a mixed race child and it would break my heart if he were a victim of racism. I’m going to take the advice and just try get through it. Neither of them will ever be welcomed back to my home.