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AIBU?

To hate being asked to make video messages

13 replies

Theladybirdthatheard · 31/01/2024 17:23

I live in a different country to most of my family and have done for about 15 years. As such, I have missed some big family events, as you do when you live far away.

Over the last few years I have increasingly been asked to make a video of myself sending well wishes for various events.

I hate this so much!

I am very introverted person and I just feel and look awkward on camera. I am also not great with words and struggle to think of the right thing to say.

The latest is for SIL baby shower, I MUST send a video message of myself for this event to be played on the day infront of everyone there. I just cringe at the thought of this.

I have said that I would rather not, and have received massive guilt trip from my mother and the lady arranging the shower. SIL's own sister also lives far away and has done one, so why can't I? They can't just have a message from her side of the family and not ours, apparently, that would "look wrong".

Why have these soppy video messages become such an expectation? I find it so intrusive. Not everyone is confident and comfortable being filmed. Why can't I wish my DB & SIL privately in a way that is more in my nature?

Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to do it? Or should I just get over myself and record the bloody video?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

39 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
13%
You are NOT being unreasonable
87%
DixonD · 31/01/2024 17:26

My worst nightmare- I’m definitely with you on this! Just refuse, or could you video call instead? Even though that is bad enough (I’m an introvert too!).

JustAGirlScotland · 31/01/2024 17:29

Record it with your face filtered so that your head is a pineapple or something random!

Midnlghtrain · 31/01/2024 17:32

Oh that sounds terrible!!! Can you get some cute family photos and use them as a sort of montage with a voice over to save having to put yourself on video?

Like a picture of your brother as a baby dressed terribly saying "I hope you don't inherit his fashion sense", then one of him doing something silly etc etc or something equally cringe? Might be more effort but less annoying than a face to camera piece?

Changingplace · 31/01/2024 17:35

Absolutely hate these requests! I’m with you, just not something I enjoy doing.

Bladwdoda · 31/01/2024 17:37

Ooo I struggled with this one. On the one hand I think it’s fine not to like being filmed, and to have boundaries around sending videos. On the other hand, if these are people you love and appreciate, sending a video message, although uncomfortable seems worthwhile if it is something that will be special at a special time for them.

Of course if you aren’t that bothered by them/aren’t that close really then just say no. Or if videoing yourself is a MASSIVE issue for you, then find another to be part of the day.

Feeltherainonyourskin · 31/01/2024 17:39

Who's asking you to do them? I've never been asked and honestly I would just say no to them, nobody can force you. Just send pics and messages.

lilyfire · 31/01/2024 17:39

Yes - I’d hate that and would probably spend a stupid amount of time and energy putting together a slideshow of other appropriate images and do a voice over for that rather than spend a couple of minutes recording myself.

Feeltherainonyourskin · 31/01/2024 17:40

Like you can literally just talk on Skype or whatever. Expecting you to constantly make videos is just weird and ott.

OriginalUsername2 · 31/01/2024 17:52

It’s painful! Me and DP had to do one once and we procrastinated until the very last hour. 32 takes of us dying inside. Simultaneously crying-laughing and angry at each other for messing up takes.

lieselotte · 31/01/2024 17:59

Could you just do audio instead?

Theladybirdthatheard · 31/01/2024 18:09

@Feeltherainonyourskin Requests have come from various family members / friends over the years. Once a friend of DHs even wanted us to do a specific TikTok dance - which we refused.

Usually I get my DS1 to record a voice note for me; to get myself out of it. But he's started to refuse this as he hates it as much as I do 

I will probably just suck it up and do it. But as @OriginalUsername2 has experienced it's not always as easy as it sounds Confused

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 31/01/2024 18:15

Come on, now this is just ridiculous. You "must" not do anything. You're allowing your relatives to manipulate you into doing something you don't want, and they continue to guilt trip you because it works.

Say no and fucking mean it. What are they going to do, ground you? They don't have to like your refusal, and I assure you that they will get over it. I don't make videos or do video calls, period. No discussion and my family knows this. Therefore they don't bother asking because the answer is no. Stop being a doormat.

Needmorelego · 31/01/2024 18:22

Don't do it if you don't want to. Write a nice letter that someone at the event can read out.
If they fall out with you over this - then that's their loss.

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