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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Partner with photos ex on Facebook.

46 replies

helbel34 · 31/01/2024 15:15

Hi been together for 6 years, living together with a 3 year old DD.

Both of us have Facebook accounts don't really post much but do look on it fairly often.

DP was looking for a picture to show our neighbour on facebook on out tv.

All of the photos that came up were of him and his ex, one of them where recent all from when they were together. No recent pics of us, a couple of DD.

My AIBU is i felt really embarrassed by this at the time, then quite put out at the fact that anyone looking on his Facebook will naturally assume that they are still a couple and I'm not part of his life.

I do know that this sounds immature, but I can't help feeling this way.

OP posts:
Singleandfab · 02/02/2024 03:51

I think it is weird he went through his Facebook on the TV with a neighbour in front of you. He knew he had pics of his ex partner. We are not stupid… we know roughly what is on our account. I would gently explain this really hurt your feelings and see what he says.

NattlesNat · 02/02/2024 05:50

This! ^

GlennCloseButNoCigar · 02/02/2024 05:54

shreknjumps · 01/02/2024 13:51

My ex was given an ultimatum by a new girlfriend and told he needed to sit down and delete all of the pictures from when we were together, including ones on any trip or holiday whether I was in them or not.

Needless to say her insecurities went further than that and they split leaving him with a gaping hole in his albums (no hard copies or back ups, he's not techy whatsoever). Couldn't flick through his old travel pics anymore.

She had zero need to be jealous or worried, bloody ridiculous. Of course, I've sent him copies and he's got them now but what a load of fuss over nothing.

My ex’s girlfriend made him do this too, she even whinged and whinged until he deleted the ones of me in from the hospital when we had both our children.

That was just the start of her insecurities one obsessive behaviour unfortunately.

ChedderGorgeous · 02/02/2024 06:03

Could he just switch the photos to incognito on FB so they are not visible to anyone but not deleted ?

Passingthethyme · 02/02/2024 06:17

I'd find it hurtful personally and ask him to remove them (but I understand also how others don't mind and it doesn't mean anything)

GirlsAndPenguins · 02/02/2024 06:20

Gosh me and my husband have been together for nearly 11 years, married for 7. We both have pictures of our exs on Facebook if you scroll back enough. Especially if you were to look through our profile pictures. Having said that we both have pictures with each other and our kids too, but probably not masses as we just don’t update as much anymore.
I mean I felt a bit jealous that she looked so much better than me but she was an 18 year old fitness addict. I’m a 34 year old working Mum with a toddler and a baby 😂😂. So I think I may be on a losing battle there!
Other than that I don’t really care!

WandaWonder · 02/02/2024 06:24

People have a history that is life, if people are that insecure then maybe being alone is better?

Not everyone thinks the same and no one has the right to what people can and cannot have on their social media excpet themselves (aside from childrens privacy)

SoreAndTired1 · 02/02/2024 06:55

No YANU, why don't you ask him why there is none of you on there?

VanilleA · 02/02/2024 06:59

No one uses it any more its just an archive of a moment in time

AnotherCountryMummy · 02/02/2024 07:18

I haven't used Facebook for literally years, so I've only just added my husband as a friend 😂 I used to be in the same camp as you and dislike photos of him and his ex wife on social media.

There are literally hundreds on his Facebook, and I've just moved past it. Why would I care? He barely uses FB too, why would he spend hours deleting or detagging his history with his ex and kids? I feel like it would be sad to make him.

Can you get your validation from your relationship itself rather than from social media? Eg - he's with you now, shows he loves you etc.

OrlandointheWilderness · 02/02/2024 07:21

Oh blimey there are loads of me and X on my FB, we were together 4 years and I take a lot of pics!! However I adore my DP, we've been together nearly 3 years and he means far more. However there are none of him on my FB as he doesn't like his photo being taken and I don't tend to upload pics these days.

Perpetualscroller · 02/02/2024 07:28

Perhaps it isn’t that he’s posted loads of his ex a nothing of you, but rather that she did post loads on SM and used to tag him when she did. As you admit you don’t post that often either, there are obviously very few updates about your life together.

If it bothers you, just go on and post a bunch of more recent photos yourself/dp/dd and tag him. Problem solved!

Wooloohooloo · 02/02/2024 08:37

I have many pictures of my ex on Facebook (not since we've split). He's my father's daughter, we were together first eight years. I'm not going through and deleting eight years' worth of pics, many of them with our daughter. He's a good bloke and a good dad- we just weren't right for each other. It was me that initiated the split- I didn't love him any more. I'd find it very possessive if a new boyfriend expected me to delete them all and I wouldn't expect the same of a new a boyfriend either.

TheBayLady · 02/02/2024 09:20

If you can't cope with the baggage you need to find a man that hasn't had a relationship and can cope with the fact that you have.

littlebopeepp234 · 02/02/2024 09:41

I still have pictures of my ex on Facebook! Doesn’t mean I still love him or want him back. They are memories that were once a part of my life and there’s pictures of him with the kids. Does that mean I should delete pictures of the kids because he’s on them too?? As a pp said, you can’t just erase someone’s life. I keep those pictures purely for the memories and the part of my life I once had, doesn’t mean I haven’t moved on.

Ourlittletalks · 02/02/2024 12:26

This is subjective and everyone’s idea of what’s acceptable will be different. Personally, I think YABU because honestly who cares aside from you? And why do you care if others assume he’s in a relationship with her? I’m sure anyone who matters would know that’s not true.

it’s also an easy thing to fix. Upload some pictures and tag him in them. But this whole craze about social media and other peoples opinion on your private life is weird IMO.

Coconutter24 · 02/02/2024 14:35

helbel34 · 31/01/2024 17:21

Yeah I knew what was on there, it was just seeing them all when he looked over them. I don't think in anyway that he's still hung up on her, it was just hurtful to see.

Show quote history

Was it jealousy? It’s never nice to see a partner with their ex in photos

puddypud · 02/02/2024 14:45

I look good in the pictures on my fb with my ex. Young, beautiful and carefree. I wish I knew at the time. It's part of my teens and young adulthood life. I had some good times with him that I don't actually want to forget. It doesn't mean I love my husband and family any less.

A little bit of a different scenario but one that makes you think- My step father made sure my mother was never ever allowed to talk about times before they were married. Nothing before him existed. The whole of her life, until her 40's, just completely blanked out. That also meant blanking out any relationship she had as a young person, including with our father, the 20 years they were married and the life we had with him. I was then estranged from my father too. Ultimately, as she's now passed away, I know very little about her younger life and am learning more things about her everyday. You can't, and shouldn't, whitewash the past. The past is a lived experience for those people, it's not healthy to pretend it doesn't exist.

Just tag him in some of your own pictures. Social media is also not real life. The people you know in real life presumably know you are together. What does it matter if a bunch of strangers don't?

Magicmama92 · 02/02/2024 17:06

And the end of the day it's how you feel.
I don't think it's wrong to not like someone having photos of exes on.
My husband certainly doesn't he removed them all when we started dating because in his word he wanted to move on and didn't need those on any more.
I would just say I no it may seem ridiculous but it's like your FB is just full of your ex can we take some more photos of us to occasionally add.
I don't think that is unreasonable.
I obviously think different to the majority but I think in relationships sometimes you compromise over things to make each other happier and more comfortable. I feel like asking a partner to remove pics of an ex because it looks like he's still with her is something he probably hasn't even thought about but will understand where you are coming from. Good luck

Gagaandgag · 02/02/2024 19:47

YANBU. Can you mention how you felt

Gagaandgag · 02/02/2024 19:50

And I totally get you - you aren’t hung up
on his ex you just want him to upload a couple of pics to show the world how much you mean to him. There’s nothing wrong with that

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