To think this is really unpleasant behaviour?

[Getonnow]

Maybe even toxic.

I'm part of a group that's been established about 20 years. During that time people have come and gone and we'd had our share of relationship dramas.

Currently, one woman who had previously had a history of picking all the wrong men, is living with what we all thought was a really good bloke. Some of us have known him a long time.

Anyway, there's a fairly strong rumour that he's messing about with another woman in the group. I think it's probably true - my evidence is that her dog appears to know him very well, after they've "bumped into" each other on dog walks. Plus those little glances and touches, heads close together in conversation etc.

In my view, life's not black and white, stuff happens, good people do bad things, we never really know what's going on in other's lives etc etc, but obviously this is a difficult situation for those involved, whether it's true or not.

I had noticed the dog thing a few weeks ago, but haven't said a word to anyone.

Another woman in the group (potentially toxic woman) is talking to everyone about how worried she is about woman 1, how she looks awful, how she's not sure she could bear it happening again. She doesn't look awful. She's lost some weight, which may be an indication that she's not doing well, but actually she looks great for it.

So on the face of it, it's all kindness and concern and that seems to be how everyone else is taking it, but actually, it's just nasty gossip, isn't it?

Some people have nothing better to do than pick over the bones of other people's lives. It's nobody's business is it? Unless the individual concerned is a very, very close friend or until she raises the subject herself you'd be best off all just leading your own lives.

Stay well out of it.
None of your business.

The dog thing is ludicrous. A neighbours dog , the first time I met it, acted like my Bessie, wouldn’t leave my side, you’d have thought it was mine. Anyone who knows dogs would know they can do this.

and the rest is just stupid gossip.

just horrible op.

I ma staying out of it. My only interest is in the behaviour of concerned woman and I'm only interested in that as a study of human nature, I've no plans to do anything.

Unfortunately, that's what a lot of friendship groups tend to be like. People stuck together for the sake of having a group of friends, but little common ground to keep them interested in each other. So every little happening to any group member gets put under the microscope to be chewed over as a substitute for conversation.

Yes, a lot of friendship groups are just one person with the power telling others how to think and feel. The rest can't be completely honest in the group setting, especially if it goes against the one with the power.

I've limited my friends to those I can trust - they'd tell me stuff like this or if I had body odour etc.

My dog gets really excited and over familiar when he sees my neighbour, because he always speaks to him in a stupid, excitable voice. Not because we’re bonking.

I hope there is more evidence to go on that this

Then why raise the ridiculous dog thing in a way that looks like you’re trying to lend weight to it.

I've got nothing helpful to add to the thread but just wanted to point out that I appreciated the use of the word 'bonking' 😂

Dear God I hope people don't think I'm shagging everyone my dog is friendly with.

OP don't you have anything better to do than turn this poor woman into a "study of human nature"? What an incredibly creepy thing to say! You sound like a bunch of nasty gossips to me.

You sound like you're stirring up trouble, OP.

I love animals and I make a fuss of them when I meet them, and so they are generally happy to see me. This does NOT EVER mean that I am having sex with their owner! Like, NEVER. So stop being ridiculous on that score - just stop it.

As far as the other woman, she is probably just stirring up drama, or it may be her genuine opinion. I would respond with "Actually I think X is looking really well at the moment. Anyway, what's new with you these days?"

It sounds like a gossipy thread and the op is trying to dress it up, a study into human nature indeed.

Some people just love a bit of drama to spice up their lives.

It's not an Am-Dram group is it? IME they seem to be hotbeds for middle-aged affairs

See, that’s why I binned off toxic “friends”. The only people I trust are my family x

By your logic id be having an affair with everyone my dog meets.
You might be better off studying human behaviour by reading Hello! magazine.

FFS. Watch a soap opera and get your gossip fix from there.

How? I've never discussed any of it with anyone IRL. I change the subject when it's mentioned to me.

How monumentally childish. Is this a secondary school playground?
Just ignore any such speculative bitching. I would not want to be mates with people who gossip in this way about supposed 'friends'.
So what if their dogs know/ like eachother? And so what if they go on dog walks together? Sounds like a load of cobblers tbh.

I wouldn’t make any assumptions based on dog behaviour. Outside of that is there really anything else at all because it doesn’t sound like it is.

Yes, it’s unpleasant behaviour.

Yes mine tried to climb into a delivery man’s lap as he knelt down to put a package on the floor! She acted like she knew him very well. Maybe the delivery guy has been having an affair with my husband!

Hahahaha by this logic I’d be shagging half the town going by my dogs lovable reactions to everyone he meets.

Who is the toxic woman? Is it the woman bumping into the guy on dog walks or is it a different woman?

This is exactly why my 'circle' is non existent.

I've found myself in a similar situation before, wondering if two local dog walkers (both in relationships with other people) have really bumped into one another randomly or if something else is going on. When you see people from a group on a semi-regular basis, you notice any changes in behaviour/group dynamics. I wouldn't mention my thoughts to anyone other than my partner, though, for fear of potentially stirring up trouble.