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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

How to deal with this

13 replies

flopsy22 · 31/01/2024 10:25

A few years ago I became friendly with a couple who were on my ds school run. They live locally to me and although we never socialised, I saw them often at school, around the area and at weekend football matches as our boys play on the same team.

They are well off and the wife doesn't work. She was always very friendly and generous to me. Over the top sometimes. I did a fundraising event and she sponsored me £100! She'd buy birthday gifts for all dc (not just the one who was friends with her son). I reciprocated where I could but not the same extent because I can't!

Despite the generosity, I got the impression she could be judgey and gossipy. She spoke a lot about family who'd she'd cut off. Often made remarks about other school mums and always seemed to know what was going on with everyone. I thought she probably had too much time on her hands and was a bit bitchy but overall harmless.

Well you can see where this is going. Our sons grew up and grew apart a bit. There were a few fall outs between them, nothing serious. And over time she stopped speaking to me. Her husband was still ok but she gradually stopped liking anything I put on fb, stopped with the gifts (not that they were ever needed or expected anyway) and now she doesn't even speak to me. I have no idea what's caused this. I've probably offended her in some way but if I have I suspect it's more a product of her over analysing than anything else.

It's now very awkward when I see her at football or around the area. She'll cross a road to avoid me and I'm certain she'll have slagged me off.

Part of me thinks she's a sad woman and I just need to rise above it but the other part of me thinks I deserve to know what I've done that warrants this and what she's probably saying about me to others.

Wwyd?

OP posts:
Minmin2011 · 31/01/2024 10:50

I feel for you as I have been in the same situation, she obviously has done this to other people so her behaviour has a pattern. You are right rise above it & not worry what others think, because they are more than likely very aware of what’s she’s like. Like your child, my child growing apart from his friend it’s natural, you have no need to feel uncomfortable when you see her as at the end of the day you’re not really friends just associates, so don’t give shit if she crosses the road she obviously has issues and finds it difficult to maintain adult friendships, she’s done you a favour as now you don’t need to make polite conversation or pretend to like her😂

Thelnebriati · 31/01/2024 10:53

This isn't something you can fix because its happening entirely in her own head, and she isn't talking to you about it.
The thing to watch out for is other people suddenly falling out with you for no apparent reason.

Minmin2011 · 31/01/2024 10:57

Completely agree.

Eyesopenwideawake · 31/01/2024 10:59

I'm certain she'll have slagged me off

With what evidence?

foodtoorder · 31/01/2024 11:07

Approach her and front it out.
I would say "hi, are you ok? We haven't spoken properly for ages, how are the boys etc etc".
Unless she is very rude I bet she will pretend all is fine and she hasn't been avoiding you.

flopsy22 · 31/01/2024 11:16

Eyesopenwideawake · 31/01/2024 10:59

I'm certain she'll have slagged me off

With what evidence?

Because I've heard the way she talks about others. She has form for gossiping and being unpleasant about people. She knows everything about everyone and seems glued to Facebook. One particular school mum who I used to chat to a bit has also been a bit off with me but I could be imagining it.

I'm annoyed with myself for giving it this much headspace to be honest.

OP posts:
ZekeZeke · 31/01/2024 11:27

Don't give her any headspace.
Smile and hold your head high and watch your own DC from the sideline. No need to engage with her.

Eyesopenwideawake · 31/01/2024 11:36

flopsy22 · 31/01/2024 11:16

Because I've heard the way she talks about others. She has form for gossiping and being unpleasant about people. She knows everything about everyone and seems glued to Facebook. One particular school mum who I used to chat to a bit has also been a bit off with me but I could be imagining it.

I'm annoyed with myself for giving it this much headspace to be honest.

In that case other people will have the same opinion of her that you do. She's not, and never was, a friend so you've not lost anything. As others have said stop giving her headspace.

Makeitmakesensetoday · 31/01/2024 11:39

I'd rise above it all unless you're particularly direct then you could corner her and ask her outright. But personally I'd just crack on with life and not worry about it. But then I work and only do a proper school run once a week so I'd hardly see these people anyway.

flopsy22 · 31/01/2024 17:10

She certainly wasn't a friend but when someone is overly nice to you and then just turns it's hard not to wonder why.

I do think she has way too much time on her hands to dwell on things. Maybe she's taken offence to something I've said or done.

OP posts:
Bladwdoda · 31/01/2024 17:16

“Part of me thinks she's a sad woman and I just need to rise above it “

^Yea this. Take her off all social media. Block her on all social media and move on.

You’ve described her behaviour to others, so it can’t be that much of a surprise that you eventually ended up being treated the same way? It’s just who she is.

pictoosh · 31/01/2024 17:17

How to deal?
Like it's no skin off your nose. A breezy hello in passing is all that's required.

cerisepanther73 · 31/01/2024 17:27

Hi @flopsy22

I've experienced this with a friend several years ago i couldn't understand why all of sudden she stopped wanting to bother with me,
Ghosted me only texted me once just to let me know she wouldn't be able to come to an Art gallery open day in picturesque village near where i live,
she had acted odd a couple of times beforehand,

Anyway after that never heard from her again,
I was a,bit confused as we got on well had a laugh similar things in common,

since then other people have said how 🤔 weird she can be never has got the time to say hi to anyone allways in constant hurry...

None so queer as folk .....

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