Son with weight/body image issues

[Mollylegs]

Hi, I hope this is ok to post on here. My son is 20 years old and I'm worried about the way he seems to be heading regarding how he sees himself. He was overweight as in a size large to x large in tshirts, so not hugely overweight but on the larger side. Last year he got his first little job and has started going out drinking and enjoying himself, he lost quite a bit of weight and is now a small/medium. Now I'm having problems getting him to eat some of the time. He will look at the calories on everything and say he has gone over what he should have had that day. A couple of days ago he had tea which was chicken and noodles and kept saying to me straight after tea vould I see how much his tummy was sticking out. He will only eat 1 hot meal a day, if he has lunch he will say he doesn't need tea. I'm at a bit of a loss at what to do, we are very close and he will talk to me so I guess Im just looking for advice please, thanks in advance.

Hi OP. It’s great your son has taken an interest in healthy eating! If he was a large/xl t shirt size age 20 then, unless he was very muscly, he was probably overweight and maybe obese. He’s clearly done amazingly well at losing that weight. You should encourage him to eat healthily and in sensible quantities to ensure his weight loss doesn’t go too far. What kind of food are you serving? Chicken and noodles doesn’t sound that healthy. Can you decide on recipes together, and maybe share the cooking? Buy some healthy cookbooks and work through them together to find meals you both love.

I also find that men often take comfort from being able to quantify things. Does your son use any apps like MyFitnessPal or similar? These let you decide on the kind of body you want to achieve, and then tell you what combination of diet and exercise you need to get there. They also let you record your food intake to stay on track. If your son knows precisely what combination of carbs/protein/fat and vegetables he needs to be eating, and knows that he’s on track, then maybe he’ll feel a little more in control and be able to relax a bit.

Hi @Greenbike thank you for your advice. He eats a lot of chicken done in the air fryer, he loves salmon cooked in the airfryer too, unfortunately as a single parent with food shopping being costly I can't afford to give him chicken or salmon everyday. I would normally make things like a stew in the slow cooker and have bread to fill up on, or I do shepards pie, bolognaise. Chicken and noodles or chicken and rice. I would love to know Thank you for your advice

I have 3 sons in their 20s who have found working out at the gym really enjoyable and beneficial. Other gym users and the gym instructors have given them advice on what to eat and they now tend to eat high protein meals with lots of vegetables. Might this be a way forward for your son?

Just seen your later post about the cost of protein. DSs eat a lot of mackerel/pilchards. They tend to be cheaper than salmon & chicken.

If he’s regularly eating meal and has lost weight to a healthy point I wouldn’t be too worried. Sounds like he’s done a great thing but hasn’t tipped over to unhealthily obsessed. Praise him for weight loss but start talking about maintenance calories.

if he’s religiously working out twice a day, cutting lots of meals, or if it’s taking over his life, that’s when you want to worry.

Also he’s an adult- he can start buying his own protein meals now.

Scrutinising calories and asking if you can see his tummy sticking out after a normal-sized tea actually does sound a bit concerning. It's good that he's lost the excess weight, but be aware that men can get eating disorders as well.

If he wants to eat expensive fish, he should be contributing to the housekeeping- is he doing this?

Sorry but your son is 20, he's an adult and it's not your responsibility to be covering the cost of his food. I'm sure he could get food or contribute financially from his wages from his "little job". You come across a bit like you are infantilising him. Him losing weight is a good thing.

It takes 3500 extra calories to gain 1 lb. I would be telling him to focus on lots of fresh veg and fruits and leaving him to it tbh. It's good that he wants to be a healthier weight.

He's 20 and working he could buy his own protein

Hi OP - that all sounds great. As other posters have noted it sounds like the missing ingredient is lots of veg. Maybe there’s a little too much in the way of refined carbs in the meals you mention. Think about ways to replace some of that with vegetables - as a bonus they can be much cheaper than protein. Also, as other posters have mentioned, encourage your son to exercise rather than just manage his diet, get him to share the cooking, and ask him to contribute to the cost!