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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be so fed up with so many ignorant people

34 replies

kerryk · 20/03/2008 19:56

dd is having her 4th birthday this weekend, she has been so excited about it for ages and we decided to have her party in the house as past experience has taught us that a lot of parents cant be bothered to travel to the local soft play.

after seeing the shocking weather report for the weekend we realised we could not use the garden so have organised a entertainer instead.

i have sent 14 invites out and have only heard back from 5 people so i take it the others are not coming.

i am so bloody skint this month but wanted to give dd a great party and it has really backfired, had i just booked the local soft play it would have cost £6-50 per head so would have been about £65 (min numbr of kids is 10) as it is i have spent over £200 on her birthday party and 9!!! people have not bothered to say they wont be coming.

i feel really sorry for dd, she is a really popular little thing so im not upset about that being the reason people wont come, its just the ignorant parents that are getting to me.

i feel really now all i wanted was for her to have a lovely time, she has been looking forward to it for so long, and even at the tender age of 3 (nearly 4) she had said she would not be bothered if she had no presents as long as she had a nice party for her friends.

OP posts:
avenanap · 20/03/2008 20:00

Ohh, this is so sad. Do you have some family that can come aswell? cousins or friends children?

avenanap · 20/03/2008 20:00

Ohh, this is so sad. Do you have some family that can come aswell? cousins or friends children?

WorzselMummage · 20/03/2008 20:00

i'm sure she will have a lovely time too hun !

you dont need lots of people to make a good party just a few really nice people.

don't beat yourself up about it, its not your fault people are ignorant twats.

you may find anyway that they all appear, could you try ringing ?

Lulah · 20/03/2008 20:01

it is a shame but it is a bank holidy and many families go away or have family commitments. Thats a lot of money to spend on a 4year old . I d love to come to her 21 st.

Original poster
kerryk · 20/03/2008 20:02

i dont have any contact details for them, even if i did i dont think i would want to ring them. i know i should not bother her closet friends will be there and i suppose thats all that matters, these are the same frinds though who would have made the trip to soft play though. i have spent a fortune trying to please the others and look where it has got me.

OP posts:
windygalestoday · 20/03/2008 20:03

its farkin annoying!!! my ds1 has his bday in the summer holidays and we had so many times where parties were arranged and we couldnt judge final numbers cos people DO NOT let you know !! i find it very very ignorant and keep a list of such people for next party day

expatinscotland · 20/03/2008 20:03

this is why i don't throw birthday parties here.

for some reason, people have no manners to RSVP these days and they cancel here at the last minute or just don't show up.

i find it very rude.

expatinscotland · 20/03/2008 20:03

this is why i don't throw birthday parties here.

for some reason, people have no manners to RSVP these days and they cancel here at the last minute or just don't show up.

i find it very rude.

Buda · 20/03/2008 20:04

Just because you haven't heard doesn't mean they won't turn up.

Original poster
kerryk · 20/03/2008 20:05

i know it sounds a lot but when you break it down its

£115 entertainer

£15 party bags

£30 food

£40 wine and food for adults (i know that sounds weird but other partys i have been to here always do wine and food for adults and i dont want people to think i am cheap)

OP posts:
WorzselMummage · 20/03/2008 20:06

if i ever go to a childrens party i'd be happy with some sausages on sticks and cherryade !

I wouldnt worry about entertaining the adults atall.

whats the entertiner doing ?

Original poster
kerryk · 20/03/2008 20:07

do you really think some people might still turn up? i am more worried about the nice ones falling ill and even more people not being here.

OP posts:
Original poster
kerryk · 20/03/2008 20:08

disco, magic show and games etc. i really feel like cancelling him and losing my £25 deposit but keeping the other £90.

dd is so excited about it though that i could not do that, its bad enough that there will be next to no quests but if i sacked the magician as well she would be gutted.

OP posts:
JingleyJen · 20/03/2008 20:08

for DS1's birthday I have the contact numbers for all the mums and I am planning on phoning or emailing the ones who havent replied a week before the party so I can make final arrangements.

That said.. I was supposed to hand out the invitations today the last day of term as DS1's party is 10 days after they get back.. will have to do it after the easter weekend.

WorzselMummage · 20/03/2008 20:09

i think what normally happens is that people dont think to rsvp and come anyway.. i might be wrong having never thrown a party in my life ever but you never know.

If i were you i'd try to find some contact details and ring round and ask them.

Your dd will have a lovely time whatever happens though i am sure, Don't start feeling that horrible 'mother feeling' that we all get in the pit of our stomachs though.. she'll love it !

kekouan · 20/03/2008 20:11

YANBU - ignorant sods.

Original poster
kerryk · 20/03/2008 20:11

yes i have that feeling. cant believe how pathetic i must be sounding just now but i know how popular dd is with the other children so i cant help but think its me who has done something to upset the parents and thats why they have not replied.

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 20/03/2008 20:12

that is just rude as hell not to even pick up the phone and call the people and tell them, 'thanks but we can't make it' or 'yes, we'd love to come.'

but look at all the threads on here where people just wake up that day of the party they said they were going to - or even a wedding - and just post about how they can't be arsed to go so just don't turn up.

i don't get it. maybe it's just me, but it does appear to be a very British thing to do.

i mean, when people go to some trouble and you said you were going, don't you think it's kind of rude to just not turn up or not bother to RSVP?

dd1 got an invite to a party when she was out of nursery for chickenpox. i felt awful and sent along a gift and a card, explaining what happened and why we hadn't RSVPd or that.

i mean, someone went ot the trouble of hiring out the village hall and such.

Original poster
kerryk · 21/03/2008 09:33

update***

have had a call from the entertainment this morning and he cant do it anymore, we can either cancel and get the money back or go with someone else he has lined up for us. really think i am going to cancel. but what will i do in the house with a bunch of little ones if it is raining?

OP posts:
alittleone2 · 21/03/2008 09:38

Message withdrawn

potoftea · 21/03/2008 09:43

kerryk- I think I'd cancel the entertainment and have that money in my pocket. Then plan some games, use some of the money to buy prizes for pass the parcel or musical chairs type games. No doubt some mothers on mumsnet will have a list of stuff you could do to entertain the kids that do turn up.
At least then it won't bother you so much that loads have been rude and not turned up.

I bet some of those who didn't reply will turn up anyway.

Also you are worrying that it's personal that they aren't coming to the party. I honestly don't think that's the case. Even if they didn't like you, few parents would keep their child from a party the child wanted to go to, just to suit themselves.

BecauseImWoeufIt · 21/03/2008 09:44

I don't know if it's a British thing, but it's certainly a widespread behaviour.

DH is 50 (birthday was yesterday) and I'm organising a party for him. Sent all the invites out in plenty of time, about 4 or 5 weeks ago, and there are still people who haven't bothered to let me know if they're coming or not. As I'm organising outside catering, at £10.50 per head, (and that's just for the food, never mind the crockery/cutlery/glasswear hire, or the wine/beer/soft drinks) it's pretty important that I know who's going to be here.

I can't understand why people don't let you know. It's not as if they have to write you a letter any more - just a phone call would be enough!

Mercy · 21/03/2008 09:45

Buy some really cheap eggs, hard boil them and get the children to paint them.

Pass the parcel, musical chairs (or cushions in our house. Will try to think of more ideas.

What a horrible situation for you

Original poster
kerryk · 21/03/2008 09:49

thanks everyone, i am feeling better about it now. i just cant believe how rude some people are. i went out of my way to buy the invites with the rsvp slip on them as well as adding my home and mobile number

dd is a bit upset about the entertainer but there is some great tips on here. think paining eggs and rolling them in the garden, decorating gingermen and a easter egg hunt will all be great.

OP posts:
BecauseImWoeufIt · 21/03/2008 11:33

Sorry I hijacked your post, btw!

Hope you have a great day.