Relationship with friends ex

[SquirrelySponges]

I shall try and keep this brief. I have been friends with a man since school. We are both in our 40s, both single parents. We have recently reconnected and are getting on very very well. The thing I'd I used to work with his ex and became friends with her when they were together. They were together for 8 years but haven't been together now for about 6 years and she has married someone so has clearly moved on. I haven't seen her for about a year and quite rarely before that but we do have some friends in common.

I have had a really rough couple of years and feel like I deserve happiness and just want the best for me and my kids. I feel like that may be with this man. But would I be a complete bitch to go for it? Would I lose all my friends? Nothing much has happened yet so this is basically me asking.... do I go for it and see what happens or do I run away now before things get complicated?

YABU - That would be a shit thing to do so stay away

YANBU - You deserve to be happy and they are clearly definitely over, go for it

Thanks in advance!

Hiya, I think you should go for it and you are clearly being very thoughtful and respectful about the whole situation. Wishing you all the best x

Thank you everyone for your lovely replies. You have all really helped me. I will go for it but obviously keeping kids and others out of it for now and see how it goes. If all goes well then I'll have a conversation with her and hope for the best. You are all right, I have barely seen her and when I went through some rough times she wasn't there. I don't owe her anything but I do owe myself happiness! It would be great if we can rebuild a friendship but I know who matters more to me.

Thank you for helping me see the light! X

This is a tough one, at first I was like go for it sis, I mean it's been over 6yrs and she also has moved on with her life. But considering they have kids together, You might have to talk to her first... Considering they have kids together, she will always be part of his life one way or the other. Talk to her to avoid any sourness in the long run. Especially if you get together and she isn't happy about it then his kids will dislike you too which is not what you want for your relationship to work. I hope it works out and you get your happiness.

Hi friend! I'm so happy for you and your new 'joy'. I'm sorry that you feel stuck in such predicament with his X, though.

How about you & him, after making the decision to be in a romantic relationship, you two wait for 2-3 months before you share with anyone that you are together. This way you two find out if this thing you have for one another is going to work or not. Once you know that you're solid, together, you may talk with your friend, his X, and explain how it all happened from the beginning.
If she's a good friend, she'll understand, if she doesn't understand & validate the fact that you first consider her feelings, then she's noth worth your friendship and you should share from the rooftops, your love for this man :-)

Blessings to you!

Your happiness should always come first. Life isn't much fun if you are not happy...

The ex has moved on and he is free to see whomever his heart desires. If she has a problem with you two dating/marriage... to bad... besides, she left him, no longer wanted him...

Loosing friends... as mentioned above, make your happiness a top prority... friends come and go, if you loose a friend, make some new ones...

If you don't follow your heart, you may be missing out on somethingn very special... 💕

As I man I think it should be his responsibility to tell his ex especially as they have contact through the children and its amicable.
Be honest and open from the start that will build trust.
If it goes wrong that's her problem, not either of you imho.

A friend of mine, her sister and a friend all went out with the same man - not at the same time and no children were involved.

They found it handy to be able to compare notes

Did ye?